Well the rain didn’t create much in the way of puddles for a change but it did create havoc for the hard wired fire alarm system. How awesome is that? Every two minutes all the alarms went off in the building for about 3 minutes and then go silent. And of course the boys are completely freaking out. My middle son was in near tears and my youngest son was having a field day with it claiming to smell smoke and seeing fire when there was none and the oldest just getting upset with the other two. No sign of smoke or fire anywhere inside or from the windows. So I had the boys put on their shoes and since we were the only ones home in the entire building today. Then I made a phone call to our building manager or whomever it is she is supposed to be. As per her request, we patrolled the outside of the building to make sure there were no signs of fire while she came to check things out herself. Seriously? If I thought there was a fire I wouldn’t be calling her. I would be calling 911.

Of course her main priority was to check the brand of my window fan before doing ANYTHING else because this woman was once caught in a house fire and trapped in that house and now this woman is paranoid as fuck. Excuse me, PLEASE consider the working condition of the fire alarms to be the higher priority in fire safety and when that is taken care of you can THEN discuss my fucking fan.

I don’t know what these people did but she had the other woman with her go to the basement, the two empty apartments, and attic to check things out. The alarms stopped wigging out abruptly. My guess is, she found the one short circuiting and pulled the plug on it. See the way these hard wired systems work is that they are all interconnected so when one is messed up, it causes them all to act out. The fact that we have 3 in the building that constantly chirp despite having fresh back up batteries in them testify that there is a problem with the circuit somewhere. How do I know this? I have an uncle that works as a contractor and one of the things he does is inspects buildings to estimate the value of the building and the value of repairs needed. I’ve paid attention to more than a few conversations over the years even though I have never owned a house. In fact, him and my father have locked horns more than a few times about how things should be fixed.

Anyway in response to how they resolved the issue, I said very politely, “This is just a shot in the dark, but this isn’t the first time this has happened. The last time it happened it was raining as well. It might be due to the leaky roof and it’s causing a short circuit somewhere.”

She looked devastated and said “But there is no wiring up in the attic.”

That’s when I reminded her of the tenant that was so upset about having to repair the ceiling herself and how I had to tell the landlord that patching up the attic to stop the leaks only diverts the water into the walls. That means the water is going where ever it can go once it comes in through the roof. She got that “oh fuck” look on her face. That’s when she hears the fire alarms are still chirping just like they were the day she installed the new ones. She said she was going to go pick up some batteries to fix that. That was at 6pm. It’s almost 10pm and she hasn’t come back yet.

I honestly don’t know which one is worse. The landlord that blows everything off claiming he doesn’t have the money to fix any of this when we are all paying at least $700 a month for these apartments or this woman who’s idea of fixing shit is to put a band aid on it.

So yea thanks to all that she got to see the apartment – AGAIN – in a complete disaster state as I was trying to clean it. Fucking pisses me off. As much as I knew that she wouldn’t come back, I really wanted her to just so that she could see our progress so that she wouldn’t think that we were just putting on a show. I really have been trying all day to get the boys to clean the damn living room. It wasn’t until they knew she was going to see it that they had any motivation at all.

It didn’t help that my parents stopped by earlier to drop off stuff that I forgot over there. My dad, the most judgemental person in the world when it comes to housekeeping, surprisingly said not one word about it while he was there. I’m sure he will save it for the next time I visit him – or (if I’m lucky) that he is finally understanding just how much it is connected to my state of mind. He knows I didn’t always used to be this way. I caught snippets of that conversation the other night. My parents are really worried about me. They know I’m not well – and in their book REALLY UNWELL – and they don’t know what to do.

I just left the room out of ear shot. I didn’t want to eavesdrop on the rest nor did I want to cut in. I thought I was getting better given the fact that I had suffered postpartum for damn near 5 years before finding the right treatment. This involved getting diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2, Chronic PTSD, and as it turned out it wasn’t postpartum depression but postpartum psychosis. Given the fact they originally thought I had GAD with postpartum depression it’s little wonder I was an utter mess for so long. No one disputes the Migraine Disorder. At least that has finally to a large extent been alleviated. Overall I feel that I have come a long way. It’s hard to hear how other people believe that you are still a complete wreck.

But if I am such a wreck then how is it that I have been able to:

• get my oldest diagnosed, stabilized, and remain stabilized?
• ensure that my middle son is thriving?
• fight to get my youngest diagnosed, stabilized, and fight to keep him stabilized?
• not to mention all the other stuff that goes with parenting

My shit isn’t perfect, but that’s the thing nothing ever is. Life happens. And you have to roll with it the best you can with what you’ve got. There is no possible way that I am a wreck if I can still roll. Just excuse me if I’m wobbly and it’s not in a straight line. Like the Fly Lady says on her website so often, “It doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be done.”

And on that note, tomorrow I need to be focused on other things. Therapy appointment for my oldest and I seriously need to get his portfolio finished if not mailed out. At this point I very likely owe a late fee for it. I swear if I can’t get some of this to-do list of mine checked off soon I’m going to curl up and cry.

My husband still hasn’t shown up for his leave. No word from him about it either. Originally he was supposed to come for our anniversary, June 21st. He contacted my brother to make arrangements to stay with him before my brother even bought his house as soon as he had heard my brother was shopping for one. Then my brother said he suddenly announced that the Army pushed his leave back to July 8th. That was the last my brother has heard from him and my husband hasn’t bothered to say a single word to me about any of it. At this rate my husband won’t have a place to stay and he will expect to just show up at my place and stay with us. Just like he did at Christmas. Last time though I knew when he was coming. I planned ahead for that and made sure that we were staying at my parents’ the entire time. I get the dreaded feeling he is trying to beat that this time by making sure that it’s a completely unplanned visit. I don’t know what the hell is going on. His father is starting to call us regularly now, which is weird and unusual. He isn’t asking anything out right but I feel like he is checking for his son. God forbid you just call your son directly. Or maybe this calling trend has something to do with my dad bitching about my husband calling every night around dinner time while we were staying over there? Same day my husband stopped calling was the same day his father started calling. Yes, I am that paranoid. No, I don’t trust either of them. I have watched them both triangulate my sister-in-law on a regular basis. I have caught them more than once trying to do the same with me. Something’s up and I don’t like it. Meanwhile the boys are starting to become antsy as a result. I’m sure my emotional state isn’t helping this at all. I’m waiting for the shoe to drop and discover that he has figured out a way to make me the bad guy in all this yet again. I’m so tired of this.