Almost done with our homeschool portfolio! Holy cow I was afraid that we would never get it done. All that’s left is to print out the photos of the field trips my oldest son had for stretching his wings for his social anxiety. This included going to a gaming convention during the winter and going to the two Special Olympic meets for his brother and friends from public school. All three times he did pretty well with just a few bumps in the road. We hope that next year there will be more major social outings like these with success. Technically we don’t even need to put these photos into the portfolio because all the assignments are in there. I just think it would be nice to include them because addressing his social anxiety was part of his mental health goals this year and this was part of how we did it. That and the portfolio is in a way a memory book. So yea, would be nice to put those photos in there.

As usual my father had a lot of judgement to hand out. Technically we are not late per say. It’s just we are not getting the benefit of the early bird discount and my own anxiety regarding deadlines is getting the better of me in all this. We need the assessment report sent in to the state’s Department of Education and to the school district by September 1st along with our letter of intent to continue to homeschool. It’s only the end of July. We still have an entire month left to go to meet that deadline. We are not late. Yet.

Last night my husband truly set me off when my oldest son and I got back from working on the portfolio all day at home. After all we have been through – the fighting and everything up to this point – he very blithely asked me out on a date for this Friday. I was floored. Without even thinking my response was “I would rather we go see a lawyer and settle a divorce out of court.” No shock, no anything – it’s almost as if he had no emotion at all. He simply asked me when I wanted to do that. He even cut me off when I tried to explain why. Later that night when I tried to talk to him about Little Bear almost drowning he was emotionless then too. He tried to claim that he was scared as much as Little Bear was. He tried to claim that while they were at the river that he never left Little Bear’s side, which is not what was said the other day. He also tried to claim that the river was stagnant and unmoving… dude, it’s called a river for a reason and if it was stagnant water why the hell would anyone want to be near it much less in it? Then he was all like “I didn’t know you wanted an apology from me.” Really? Normal people don’t need to be told when they should be sorry or feel remorse for when something happened. Even when he said he was sorry there was nothing in his voice. Just going through the motions. And it wasn’t me he needed to say it to. Just creepy as fuck.

And this morning Little Bear tells me that Daddy has been spending the night at the grocery store parking lot and wants to know if he can spend the night with Daddy. I don’t think so. What the hell. He said he had a plan this time for his leave of absence when he came. This is not a plan of any kind. And he expects me to trust him with the children.

For what it’s worth, I didn’t talk to my oldest about what happened at the river. We focused only on the portfolio. Somehow I knew in my gut if I asked him about the river we would get nothing done at all.