Toad’s Weekly Assessment #17

Now I know I’m not imagining it. My migraines are creeping back. They aren’t lasting for days but still they are coming back. Not sure what to do about it. I do think that they are connected to my mood. Maybe they are connected to my lack of calories as well which if that’s the case it means that for me Topamax is a paradoxical thing if I can’t get my diet to some semblance of normal. I’ll need to go through and crunch these numbers somehow to see if there is a pattern. I may need to start the dreaded counting of calories. Bleh. I hate doing that with a passion. I seriously hate that. What a damn chore. You know though with meds like these that mess with our weight in either direction it’s little wonder we end up with eating disorders and become obsessed with our food. It suddenly feels like it becomes our everything. It sucks. Why can’t I just eat like a normal person and not worry about it like I used to?

Mood Score Key:

Sliding into Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding into Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Irritation Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Anxiety Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1


Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: ~

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: October 13, 2016 ~ 151.2 pounds


Saturday ~ October 8, 2016

Mood: -1 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed @ 12am, up @ 6:30 am – 6.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:00am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:00pm

Meals

  • 5 Cups of Coffee
  • 6 English Muffin Pizzas

Sunday ~ October 9, 2016

Mood: -1 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed @ 3am, up @ 10:30 am – 7 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • am meds missed
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:00pm

Meals

  • 4 Cups of Coffee
  • The leftover miso soup, salad, and noodles Little Bear didn’t eat at the sushi place

Monday ~ October 10, 2016

Mood: -1 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: don’t remember

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ ?
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:00pm

Meals

  • 5 Cups of Coffee
  • Bacon and Eggs with Wheat Toast
  • 2 Bowls of  Buttered Macaroni with Parm. Cheese

Tuesday ~ October 11, 2016

Mood: -1 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 2A

Hours of Sleep: bed @ 11:30pm night before, up @ 6am – 6.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:00am
  • 600mg Ibuprophen @ 9:30am
  • 600mg Ibuprophen @ 2:00pm
  • 600mg Ibuprophen @ 7:00pm
  • 75mg Topamax @ 9:00pm (because I got sick just before med time and I forgot after taking the pain meds)

Meals

  • 4 Cups of Coffee
  • Little Bear’s leftover sushi rice and veggies
  • peanut butter sandwich on wheat

Wednesday ~ October 12, 2016

Mood: -1 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 1 ~ Anxiety: 1 ~ Migraine: 0A

Hours of Sleep: bed @ 10pm night before, up @ 6am – 8 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:00am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:00pm

Meals

  • 6 Cups of Coffee
  • 3 Chocolate Chunk Pancakes at Vittles – Piggie knows these are pretty big, I damn near at all of it. Maybe 3 bites left?

Notes

  • My parents annoyed the fuck out of me with the over stepping boundaries today with trying to parent my children for me – seriously I don’t need help with this, never did and not why I am moving back in
  • Anxiety from checking in with the apartment, felt like someone had been in there – like the weird “landlady” again, the heat register panel flap was flipped up like someone had tried to turn it on but the propane tanks have been empty since last year and I unplugged the damn thing because Little Bear wouldn’t leave it alone. Temps haven’t reached freezing levels yet so it doesn’t need to be on, so why was it flipped open? I swear to God I feel like I’m losing my mind but I know it was shut when I left last week because my phone is hanging above it. This is so much bullshit. I can’t wait to have all my stuff moved and get out of that place completely. It’s like these people are purposely fucking with me to make me move out. If it weren’t for the other issues I have going on I wouldn’t be moving.

Thursday ~ October 13, 2016

Mood: -1 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 1

Hours of Sleep:

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:00am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:00pm

Meals

  • 4 Cups of Coffee
  • 1 Medium Coffee from Gas Station
  • 1 Cotto Salami Sandwich on Wheat with Cheese

Friday ~ October 14, 2016

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed @ 11:30pm night before, up @ 6:30am – 7 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:00am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:30pm

Meals

  • 5 Cups of Coffee
  • Turkey Dinner with Chocolate Milk at school with Little Bear (grandparents’ luncheon day – though I had to skip the turkey with gravy and stuffing due to MSG) so I ate: canned peas, canned green beans, squash, cranberry sauce, plain roll, vanilla pudding (that for some reason burned my mouth – Scholar Owl suspected lemon zest, but WHY was that added to vanilla pudding?!) Seriously starting to feel like it’s not safe for me to eat anywhere in public
  • 2 Breaded Fish Filet Sandwiches on Wheat with Tarter Sauce

11 thoughts on “Toad’s Weekly Assessment #17

  1. I think it’s good that you are looking for a solution and not depending on the meds. You are very strong. I don’t think you are going crazy thinking someone is in your apt. If you want to be sure put lipstick on the inside piece of the door that slides across the door plate. Turn the knob to hold the piece in making sure not to touch the door plate when you leave or come home if someone has opened the door there will be lipstick on the door plate. I am not a doctor by any means however I do suffer from cronic headaches. It sounds like they are stress and or blood pressure related. You seem to be dealing with more than your fair share of crap from people. Don’t forget to try flax seed. : )

    1. I’ve been thinking about trying to rig something up with the door as a test but to make sure that when I come back I can get the door open without messing it up. I just hate talking about it because it makes me FEEL crazy and paranoid. The part that sucks is that about a year ago we had things – like video games, and a bunch of them – go missing from the apartment. But there was no sign of forced entry and I couldn’t prove anything and because of everyone’s diagnoses it was more or less dismissed. “Maybe the games got thrown away?” Like bullshit. We hadn’t been home for a month and why the hell would that many of the boys’ games and one DS machine to play said games suddenly get thrown away like that? It’s part of the reason I try to document the weird shit I come across like the flipped up control panel on my unplugged heat register. The boys haven’t been home for a month. It’s only been me coming home to check the mail and the phone messages and to pick stuff up once in awhile. So suddenly I find that? I find it hard to believe it’s been like that for a month and I’m only noticing it now. This happened the week after I brought one of the computers over to my parents’ house so the boys would each have a computer to use at my parents’ house. My car is too small to fit all of them in there so I only took one and the entire time I was loading the stuff for that PC into my car the downstairs neighbor watched me from her window like a hawk – the same one that showed up at my parents’ with that weird story about hearing a child crying in my home that afternoon. This building is so full of weirdness and bullshit that I don’t even want to deal with it anymore.

      And yea, I will look into the flax seed. The hospital has mentioned omega-3 fatty acids as being helpful more than once now and if I remember correctly flax seed is the leading plant source for that. I’d rather get it naturally in my diet than through a supplement.

      1. Another thing that may help is when you leave you take a video walk through. That way it’s documented the way things were. Anytime you have a place sit empty it become a target for teenagers maybe going by more often would help to. About the flax seed it has more omega 3s than even fish. As far as I know it is the highest level of omega 3 you can get. Among so many other benifits it’s has. So far I help one friend loose 18 pounds and another who is elderly is walking without his walker and doing projects all over. So far only good results. I went down four pants sizes and stopped my headaches so far. It won’t do anything but help that’s for sure. : )

      2. I don’t need to loose more weight but if it will help my joints hurt less as well as reduce migraines, that would be awesome.

        I have been trying to stop by the apartment more often and I did use the lipstick the last visit. I will bring the camera next time.

      3. Google glucosamine and condriotion.
        Glucosamine is what rebuilds the squishy between the joints in the body. You know the padding between bones and condriotion is what your body has to have to be able to obsorb the glucosamine. I only know this because my unwanted not nice other half could not move his arm and I had to have a disk snap in half in my back and my brothers girlfriends mom had four knee surgeries. After taking it michael has never had another elbow pain, Mrs.Lynsey has not needed another surgery. I think the reason it makes my back hurt more is because it grows back the stuff between the bones and my bone is forever broken in half. It will always rub the inside and cut into it. So it doesn’t help if it’s broken in half. Everyone else swears it’s the cure all for joint pain. You can get both glucosamine and condriotion mixed in the right amount in drinks in the health department of the grocery store or order from online. It won’t help with the pain it’s supposed to fix the problem for good though. I don’t know these things because I’m smart or a college grad or anything like that. I had to find these things because I had no choice. Even ibuprofen is like poision to me. I can’t take it. If I ever can’t find a cure then I’m stuck with whatever it may be wrong because treatment in the sense of the word as it is hurts me instead of helping. My heart hurts when I hear or read stories of others in pain. I enjoy messaging you. Your very smart and kind. If we had been born into different cultures other than this one we would be concidered spiritual guides in the community. Just because you are more connected to the planet and everything within it does not mean you are disordered. It just means we do not follow the same order as everyone else. With everything wrong in the world who is to say it’s a bad thing. You know I find it very hard to write in the blog I made here, however I find it easy to type things when replying to one of your post. You help me confront the things that would otherwise be my demise. Thank you for your courage and strength to share. 🙂

      4. I enjoy talking with you too. I like how you bring up things I haven’t considered or remind me of things I had learned about but then forgotten – like the flax seed and omega-3. I will look up glucosamine and chondroitin in more detail later because it is late right now, but it appears to help repair cartilage and nerve coating. So depending on what causes the pain or how far along the damage is, it may or may not help the person. Like my mother it could be a 50/50 shot given the fact her case has reached the point where the nerve coating is gone in places. I forgot right now what it’s called, but the neuro-electrical signal our nerves send is now being leeched out into her muscles at times. I have similar symptoms but the question is whether the Topamax is causing the symptoms (meaning no damage) or if I have the same genetic problem (meaning damage has begun). The family wants me to go in and get tested but I’ve been putting it off. Compared to my migraines, I wouldn’t call it pain exactly. Discomfort is a better word. Pins and needles usually is more accurate and since starting the Topamax it’s become almost a daily thing but it was there before that med. But if this supplement could make that better – especially in the middle of my back, just below the shoulder blades – I would be grateful.

        I’m glad to know my blog is helpful to you. For awhile there I was beginning to feel really down with the realization just how angry and frustrated I sound all the time when I post. But I’ve been thinking about that. How can anyone not be angry and frustrated with all of this shit got on in the world today? It’s touching everyone in so many ways all the time. How can it not have an impact on our daily lives? So I guess I don’t feel any different from anyone else. I may be ranting about something different, but my feelings are the same. Kind of makes me sad to understand that. I wish that people didn’t have to feel this way at all.

        You’re always welcome to my blog and talk about whatever it is you’d like. 🙂

      5. I try and share the things I learn with people. Things going on that need attention other than football and halloween. It’s mass terrorism perpetrated by the American government and the news media. It’s perfectly resonate for people to react the way they do. Some stick their head in the sand. Some get angry and others like me go through all of those then get sad. Idk what’s next. The level of tyranny and treason in our country is horrific and sickning. I feel like I’m bombarding people. It’s going to be to late to do anything before the rest pay attention. Only about 5% of the population even pay attention to the world today. It’s sad. Somethings need to be said by different people in different ways. How else can we reach everyone. Don’t give up. There are new people who find your page everyday. Tagging your emails and the name of the site in your tags will send it to the top of the searches. Idk why it works but it does. So does tagging the site where you post it. Like here tag them wordpress. I know lots of little tricks like that.

      6. Well, I did end up moving out of that horrible apartment. The boys and I are now living with my parents. I no longer feel like I’m living in terror or that I’m being haunted or whatever.

        I finally got divorced back in November 2017. I had expected to feel devastated by that, but as my therapist explained I had already grieved for the loss of my marriage for two years prior so when it finally happened it felt like a relief.

        So last year I felt like I was just kind of wandering around trying to figure out what I’m doing with myself. And this year I’ve been slowly finding direction.

        This summer I got a full neuropsych eval and discovered that I am also on the Autism spectrum as well has having Bipolar – which is why out of my three sons, two of them have Bipolar and two of them have Autism despite all having different fathers. They get these genes from me. Period. My mother felt vindicated because it turns out, she had me screened as a child and she was dismissed. My father is having a difficult time accepting it. I feel like it finally explains so much of my life.

        When Little Bear went to in-patient this fall, my ex-husband of course kicked up the stress with his typical non-sense. And all of that triggered a bunch of crap for me. It took a couple of months, but I think I’m finally pulling back up and finding myself on level ground again.

        I need to post an update on that soon here actually. Been trying to organize my thoughts on all of it for a week now.

      7. I am the fire under your butt. Lol
        Get to writing lady. Lol
        I belive autism is caused by vacancies. More precisely the heavy metals in the shots. I also belive they are the main cause for S.I.D.S. My cousin had three of her baby’s die, just days after getting their shots. Now I have two lovely nieces. She refused to let them be vaccinated. I don’t think it was inherited from you. I have heavy metal poisoning. However my body has an unusually high resting body temperature. So the heavy metals have puddled in my hands and feet. They call it hand and foot exema. Basically they poisoned me, with vaccines and steroid shots when I had surgery. My step father was in the military, when I was five I was taken from my grandmother to go live with them in germany. Before I left I had to get the shots. More than I could count because I was going out of the country and I was only five and couldn’t object. Directly after that is when I started having problems. Bipolar type problems. I am only just now beginning to understand the cause. Maybe your doctor could test you and the boys for heavy metals?

        P.s. so glad you moved. I was scared for you there.

      8. I know my mother had them run all kinds of blood work at every Air Force Base we lived at. Nothing was ever found. Nothing. Well, other than iron deficiency back then. It’s a big reason I ended up studying nutrition in college. By the time I get there, nutrition and genetics was merging. It was at that time my second son was diagnosed with Autism. And the professors there were amazing and pointed me to all kinds of research, resources, and knowledge. Not just the folks at the Food Science Department, but the Psychology Department as well. I got to meet and get to know the professors that specialized in Child Development. The boys and I got to participate in a couple of studies right there on campus. In return my son was able to receive a few much needed services for free at the time – like speech therapy provided by students there. This is why I know genetics is the factor in my family. I also know that there 19 crossover genes between Bipolar, Autism, and Schizophrenia. Those genes have been found and identified. These aren’t the activator genes, but rather the genes that create various symptoms – or rather phenotypes.

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