It’s the week of Mondays, quiet rage for no reason, and all the while my brain is trying really hard to go back into its natural night owl state. I think I’m losing this battle. Fuck it. At least I’m not wrecking shit. Like this guy.
Mood Score Key:
Sliding Hypomania = 1 ~ Hypomania = 2 ~ Mania = 3 ~ Baseline (My Normal) = 0
Sliding Depression = -1 ~ Depression = -2 ~ Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State
Energy Score Key:
Low = -1 ~ Normal = 0 ~ High = 1
Irritation Score Key:
None = 0 ~ Mild = 1 ~ Moderate = 2 ~ Severe = 3
Anxiety Score Key:
None = 0 ~ Mild = 1 ~ Moderate = 2 ~ Severe = 3
Migraine Score Key:
None = 0 ~ Mild = 1 ~ Moderate = 2 ~ Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A
Sleep Quality Score Key:
Bad = -1 ~ Normal = 0 ~ Great = 1
Special Notes for the Week
Menses Start Date: ~
Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~
Sunday ~ December 4, 2016
Mood: 1 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 2 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 3:30am, up at 10:30am – 7 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 75mg Topamax @10:30am
- 75mg Topamax @ 8:00pm
Meals
- 6 cups of coffee
- burritos and tacos and cheesecake and my brother’s to celebrate his birthday
Notes
- did not want to get off my ass to visit my baby brother, not because I don’t love him but because his wife bugs the shit out of me, and their kids kind of do too, and on that particular day my demon child had already capped me out on irritation levels BUT I’m glad that I went – they have a play room set up now at their new house and his wife and already shoed them upstairs to that room by the time I got there and she was totally cool with him and I going full nerd and talking about the World War Hulk series that I haven’t touched and sadly probably never will get to but it was nice to geek out even though I’m not a comic collector or fan – seriously, I don’t read comics BUT if I did it would be the Hulk. Okay maybe some Wolverine too, but Hulk all the way hands down. Already watched too much film and cartoon. I still say Hulk and the Agents of SMASH was pretty cool and deserved to run longer than it did, but clearly I know nothing.
Monday ~ December 5, 2016
Mood: 1 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 1 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 4am, up at 7am – 3 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 75mg Topamax @ 7am
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
Meals
- ? cups of coffee – probably more than I should be drinking at this point
- Italian sausages because Dad cooked that smoked sausage with the MSG in it for the boys and him – Kielbasa I believe it’s spelled? bleh, anyhow I miss it and I wish a brand made it without the MSG
Notes
- the boys MISSED THE BUS and I had to drive them to school and it sucked
Tuesday ~ December 6, 2016
Mood: 1M ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 1 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 3:30am, up at 6:30am, napped between 4pm and 7pm – 6 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 75mg Topamax @ 7am
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
Meals
- 4 Cups of coffee
- Andes mints that I did have stashed, but Little Bear found them, so I might have gotten four pieces *sigh*
Notes
- my therapy – awesome session, see post for the day
- omg they missed the bus AGAIN but this time not because I slept in but because they moved like SNAILS
- we’re now buried in snow which means driving sucks
- would the gremlins just PLEASE stop pressing the Monday button this week? that would be awesome
- no, I do not feel productive today – how is that possible with hypomania? my brain is everywhere without focus and won’t quit and my body is just tired as hell – maybe it’s a mixed state? I know it sucks and I didn’t set my mood tracker up for that – like how to I track that? Like should I just use the number for the dominate mood state and throw an “M” on it and call it good or what? I think I’m over thinking this shit. I know my brain needs to shut up and my body needs to stop hurting.
- wondering how much of this mood is due to my husband’s upcoming leave – I could rant but I’ll spare myself, and you
Wednesday ~ December 7, 2016
Mood: 1 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 2.5 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 3:30am, up at 7:30am – 4 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 75mg Topamax @ 8:30am
- 75mg Topamax @ 7:30pm
Meals
- 4 cups of coffee
- Breaded Fish and Potato Puffs
- 12oz bottle Angry Orchard Summer Honey Hard Apple Cider – been sitting in the pantry forever and collecting dust, surprised my parents held on to it for me
Notes
- boys missed the bus again because I slept in, then the boys didn’t want to get ready for school – fuck. my. life.
- realized I forgot everyone’s meds this morning as I dropped the boys off at school fuck. my. life. AGAIN.
- Spec. Ed. teacher had to run out into the parking lot after I dropped Tuxedo Cat off at school to remind me of the IEP meeting today. fuck. my. life. AGAIN x3. really glad she saw me though.
- Tuxedo Cat’s IEP meeting
- Monday forever…. I do not have enough fucks for this shit – at all
- took me all day long to write one blog post, awesome… at least I got some laundry washed – how the hell did we manage to collect this much clothing is well beyond me, I’m ready to stop washing and sorting it and just burn it all, this is ridiculous
Thursday ~ December 8, 2016
Mood: 1 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 2 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 1
Hours of Sleep: bed at 11pm night before, up at 6am – 7 hours total
Sleep Quality: -1
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 600mg Ibuprophen @ 6:30am (mild hangover)
- 75mg Topamax @ 7am
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
Meals
- 7 cups of coffee
- Spaghetti with tomato sauce
Notes
- boys got on the bus on time this morning
- 2k words EATEN because the PC decided to suddenly power off – not shut down, no blue screen, just power off like the plug was pulled
Friday ~ December 9, 2016
Mood: 1 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 1 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 1
Hours of Sleep: bed at 3am, up at 6am – 3 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- morning meds missed, no idea how but they’re still in the box
- 600mg Ibuprophen @ ?
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
Meals
- 8 cups of coffee
- steak, stuffing, carrots
Notes
- boys made it to school on time
- mom is bugging out about the pace I’m going with washing and sorting the ridiculous amounts of excess laundry BUT there is only one washing machine in the house, I think I can run a max of 5 loads a day, maybe 6 depending on how early I start or quit given how early they are up or go to bed seeming how they bedroom is right next to the room with the machine
- think I discovered what caused the power failure with the PC, my power strip has the switch on the side… facing me… and I might have kicked it… but not fully flip the switch because it happened again… but this time the PC reset itself rather than just powered off and I didn’t lose anything because I changed around the settings on Scrivener, like telling it to save my backups somewhere other than the default folder
Saturday ~ December 10, 2016
Mood: 1 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 2 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 5:30am, up at 1:30pm (sleep cycle flipped, great) – 8 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- slept through morning meds, fucking great
- awesome, just realized I missed the night med too because I was sent to the store just before the time to take it and then we had dinner as soon as we got home
Meals
- 6 (at least?) cups of coffee
- 2 slices of pizza
Notes
- pick up gift package from little school between 8-12 (slept through it, awesome – I suck… how much you want to bet it’s full of MORE clothes we don’t need or hygienic products we can’t use because of sensory issues, sensitivities, and allergies?)
- taking Little Bear to the store with me for any reason is… I have no words. he hugged a Christmas tree in the store because… I don’t know why and then he wanted to high five the air filled Santa decoration on display – really glad I caught that on my radar and redirected him before he tried it – he had to run up to every. single. person. just to say hi and tell them his name, every time I turned around he was off running somewhere which is all pretty normal enough I must say BUT his mouth never once stopped talking LOUDLY and I can tell my irritation levels are just climbing off the charts because as he went on and on I could feel my face melting, when it finally came to check out the cashier asked me if I wanted bags for the pizza and I said no but I could use a body bag for my kid (which I instantly regretted because, you know, parent shaming is a thing and God forbid you speak ill of your child), and I shit you not, he didn’t miss a beat and said “I can get you one from Lawn and Garden.” Made. My. Night. Humor is not lost in this world. No, I didn’t get a bag. Didn’t need one after hearing that. Besides Lawn and Garden right now is bombarded with Christmas tree shit and I’m not taking that child anywhere near that area after he hugged one tree already. I can just see it now… every breakable ornament broken in one accidental fell swoop. I’ll just nope right out of that thank you.