I’m low on meds as of when I was refilling my med box this Sunday. I started to stress but didn’t freak because I go in over there every Tuesday for therapy and I knew I could just swing over at the desk and take care of it – or call like today.

BUT NO ONE IS ANSWERING THE DAMN PHONE.

And the car won’t start. And Mom has to work. And Dad has his own appointment at the time somewhere else. So I can’t go in and talk to a live person and get this taken care of like I need to.

So now I’m freaking because come Friday all I’ll have is half a pill.

Yes, this should have been taken care of last week at the latest. Yes, I should have been paying attention to my med supply. I admit that. I’ll own that. You’d think that after three years of taking these stupid meds for Bipolar every day I would have this mastered by now.

I just had to resign the approval for them to bill insurance so I’m hoping this means that me missing my appointment today doesn’t mean I have to go through intake all over again. I hope it means I’ve been there a year and it started over the 3 missed appointment count. I really don’t want to go back on the waiting list. It took me 6 months just to get in the first time. And the part that sucks is I’m not missing appointments because I’m just blowing them off. It’s usually because of shit like this or because of embarrassing memory failure. I was even trying to leave half an hour early for that hour long drive in this snow because I have no idea what the roads are like over there.

I feel like an idiot as my stress levels rise. I probably ought to add pill counts to my routines somewhere so I can make sure refills get done on time. This happens way too often for my liking.

Not that it matters, just missing the appointment without knowing whether or not it puts me back into intake is stress inducing enough. I think the policy is complete bullshit. I don’t care what your supporting argument is on this. Fucking shit happens. LIFE HAPPENS. It even happens to normal people. I know it does because that’s how life works. And people with serious mental illness are in desperate need of care and they are so quick to drop their ass just because of the chaos that is their life. So not only does shit happen with life, we’ve got shit happening in our heads too. We wouldn’t be considered seriously ill if this chaos that is our lives didn’t fucking exist. Cut us some slack and throw us a fucking line. Quit watching us drown.

And of course Mom just had to go out there and try to start the car herself. No it didn’t start. Don’t know what to tell you. Don’t know what you were checking for either. The school called too saying they want me to come pick up gifts they have for the boys. Anytime today or tomorrow. Lovely. I’ll juggle all that somehow.