Not Depressed but Not Baseline Either


Only two days in with dealing with his bull fuckery and this is how I feel already.

Yesterday he called out of nowhere wanting me to let him take the boys overnight with only a 2 hour notice so they could hang out with his sister today. I said no they weren’t spending the night with last minute plans. He started up with his “You need to negotiate with me because I have no vehicle and my sister is coming and my dad is picking her up.”

I told him it’s not my problem and he needed to quit making this shit my problem and dumping these plans on me at the last minute. He started imploding and whining about how I don’t let him hang out with the boys. Um… that’s not what I said. I said no to spending the night with last minute notice.

These boys need their meds that you don’t believe in so I’m going to be extremely hard pressed to agree to that even with advanced notice. But oh, you want to pick them up in the morning and bring them back in the evening so I can still give them their meds? Knock your ass out. Be my guest. I would LOVE a day all to myself. And I did as a matter of fact. I took the boys out to get their shopping done last night and I got mine done today.


And both nights he just HAD to push that line pass the curfew. And make a big deal the whole time about how he’s “following the rules.” Really? Little Bear asks for a glass of milk and he makes a big deal about how he doesn’t live there and someone else needs to get it but has no problem what so ever about hanging around after 7pm. Okay… we’re following the rules.


He whines how desperate he is for money and then tells me he wants to take all three boys to the movie theater some time during this vacation… like he does EVERY vacation. How are we able to afford that if I’m mismanaging the money so fucking badly like he says I am and his truck needs to be fixed the way he says it does? I’m still trying to figure this one out because I have no idea where the money he’s spending is coming from.


And you watch, he’s going to tell me again just like he did last year that it’s “inappropriate” for him to be giving me, his wife, a Christmas present. I made sure he got one from me and one from each of the boys. I made sure they all picked one for his father and sister too. Because… I don’t know. They do this shit to me every year after that creepy year. His father bought me a bible locket that had a cross on it the first year my husband was in the Army – which made me uncomfortable to start with.

Latter-Day Saints don’t wear crosses. We remember Him by the resurrection, not by the crucifixion. The miracle, not the pain. Or at least that’s how it was explained to me as a child.

So this locket to me was a conundrum. It was thoughtful spiritually as I understood it, but unfitting to me in my upbringing. I didn’t know what to do with it. It at least had a slot for a photo inside and I thought I could at least put a picture of my children inside it to say hang on my wall to remind me of God’s gift to me. I thought it was the least I could do. Then it became even weirder.

His father declared that I had to put my husband’s baby picture in it and wear the fucking thing. Right in front of everyone. I do not remember what it was I said in response to this. I don’t trust it was pretty. I resent his father treating me like I’m my husband’s co-parent rather than an actual spouse since the beginning and this hasn’t changed. I haven’t received a gift from them since.

To this day I still want to know why the fuck I would want to put my husband’s baby photo in a locket of any kind and wear it? My children’s? Yes. All of us together? Yes. The most recent photo of my husband by himself? Yes. A baby photo of him? Fuck NO. I can’t possibly be the only person that finds that creepy and unnatural as fuck.

I dated this guy for 2 years before we got married. I swear to you I had NO IDEA what the fuck I was walking into when I said my vows. And just when I think I have this figured out, they throw more weird ass shit at me.

Please let the holiday season come to an end quickly this year.

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