The Wound of Seven Years

I didn’t want you to see.
Not my tears.
Not my pain.
Not today.
I didn’t want you to know.

I still love you.

But you are still dating people.
Just as friends you say.
Not your fault you say.
Your friends bring them you say.
“What do you want from me?” you ask.

The one thing I can never have.

To be your one and only.
To be the light in your eyes.
The air you breathe.
The reason you wake up.
The thing you dream of at night.

It was always too much to ask.

“So you want me to stop having a life?” you ask.
Look at me. This chair. This desk.
This room. Every. Day.
This is all I have for a life.
It’s expected of me, but not of you.

I won’t take your life away.

You apologize without remorse.
Your face says it all.
My selfish soul cannot accept this.
It shreds the hole deeper.
The divide widens between us.

And you just stand there, watching.

You need to leave now.
Come back tomorrow.
Celebrate with the boys.
My hope will fail again.
It always does.

You never told me why you married me.

21 thoughts on “The Wound of Seven Years

      • Yes, they do because after 3 years gone I have my life back. I realize now there are no answers from men like that, they want fun not love or heavenforbid responsibility. I wasted 17 years on a very self centered man who only loved himself.

      • I just need to figure out how to leave and still keep Little Bear with the other two boys and I. I think that’s really all that’s holding me back. Aside from my idiot heart anyway.

        I don’t get it. We live like a divorced couple but he refuses to file for one. He plays around but if I were to even so much as look at another soul I know I would catch holy hell. Just cut me loose already and be done with it.

        Today was a really hard day.

      • I know sweetie. I’m sending you strength and hugs. There is better life after them, hang onto that. And understand how hard it is to let our love die!

      • Well, I think this sums up what you’ve been expressing for a while. A nice neat little package. So, yeah, I think it’s well written. I didn’t read it out loud since I am at work and checking in here on my breaks. And I think how poetry reads out loud is important. But I like the content and the flow of thought. 🙂 Give your self credit. Your writing pen might be dusty, but it is still a good pen.

      • Thanks, honestly I hadn’t thought to read it out loud either. And it was describing exactly what happened last night. Pretty sad that based on what you say, our single conversation last night sums up our entire relationship. And thinking about it, I suppose truly it does. But really I was only focused on last night’s conversation. I thought a poem would be easier than trying to write my normal blog post. I didn’t have the energy to rant but I felt raw and naked. I don’t feel like that very often.

  1. I write poetry when the heaviest emotions weigh on me. Your words are beautiful but laced with much pain. I’m sorry things are so hard. Marriage and love are so damn difficult. Staying feels hard while leaving feels even harder. I hope tomorrow is better. Wishing you much deserved peace and joy in 2017.

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