Toad’s Weekly Forecast #1

I know I’ve been sick all week last week and I know there is a good chance that my mother is being manipulative in all this. All day yesterday and the night before she’s been highly vocal about how we, as in the boys and I, – mostly me – in her weird passive-aggressive way do nothing around here. Yesterday however she became full on force with the boys – targeting Little Bear. I tried to address it but Dad stepped in and shut it down.

Okay you want cleaning done, but why are you targeting ONE child and piling the shit on as he completes one task after the next with the promise of sledding later in the day? This really concerns me and reeks of toxic behavior. Not to mention it’s something my husband does and I’ve watched Little Bear quickly escalate from it because he ends up feeling tricked and cheated. I’ve never been able to get my husband to stop doing this, so how do I get my mother to stop doing it?

I don’t need her to parent my children. I don’t need Dad to parent my children either. I never did. Just because they don’t agree doesn’t make it wrong. I’m following the hospital’s care plan. For a reason. I wish they would understand that.

I almost feel like she is doing this because she is pissed off at me for not clearing up the boxes of shit that is still in the living room fast enough to her liking so instead of targeting me directly, which so far has gotten her no where, she went after Little Bear. I don’t like this game she is playing. a part of me wants to give in to protect my sons but in doing that I’ll be teaching her that playing that fucking card works. And I don’t want to even be playing this fucking game at all much less to let THAT fucking card to work at all.

It’s why I want a divorce. It’s why in part I feel sick so often. The past two weeks I’ve had to deal with both my husband’s bullshit and hers. They both play the same fucking games. I’m tired.

So here are the things I need to get done this week:

  • I need to call the hospital and get Scholar Owl’s medicine straightened out
  • I need to get the boxes of dishes washed, sorted, packed, and taken over to storage
  • The only appointments I have this week is Therapy Tuesday for me and Scholar Owl at the same time in separate wings of the building
  • Figure out how to appease my mother without making her feel like she is winning her bullshit games – this part is exhausting
  • Figure out how to live my life here without allowing my mother control every second of my fucking life and not launching World War III in the fucking process – also fucking exhausting
  • Get myself well from this fucking chest and head cold

6 thoughts on “Toad’s Weekly Forecast #1

  1. Have you thought about inviting mom to a therapy session to try to talk things out with her? Maybe having an unbiased third party present would help smooth the conversation. And there wouldn’t be anyone present to stop the conversation from happening.

    • I don’t know. I think this runs deeper than just her and I because yesterday she was all up Dad’s ass non-stop. Every time he tried to do anything she treated him like he was an invalid. The last straw was at the dinner table when she tried to take the meat from him and cut it for him. I shit you not. And then she crawled up his ass about filling the stove and mopping the floor around the wood pile because the snow was melting and Dad just exploded at that point. And so Mom accused him of being hateful. This is the toxic shit I’m talking about. It doesn’t matter who tells her, she doesn’t stop doing it. It’s not enough for me for her to stop targeting us if she is just going to turn around and spill that shit on someone else we live with. Because then Dad turned around at the end of the day and was for some freak reason was attacking my ability to keep track of Scholar Owl’s homeschooling simply because he was still awake at midnight and that he sleeps in late mornings clearly he doesn’t get his work done. It’s no different than last year actually to be completely honest. They don’t care WHEN in the day the work gets done so long as the work gets fucking done. And this is the part Dad can’t/won’t wrap his head around. I’m sick of being forced to have my life on their time table.

      Neither one of them are willing to do therapy to for their own shit. Why the fuck would they be interested in going to therapy to discuss anything with me?

      • Yeah, they prob wouldn’t go, but then you could at least say that the ball was in their court. The only thing that you can do is try not to buy into the shit and to try to walk away from it. If they are being unreasonable with you or your kids, take your family up stairs. Leave their space. That’s the best suggestion I can offer.

      • bleh. Then just kick them in the face 😛 No, really… I have no idea. My solution is reduced engagement, which is really fucking hard when you live with them. 🙁

      • I’m trying. My therapist offered the same thing today. Reduced engagement and disengage whenever I find myself getting sucked into whatever it is Mom and Dad have going on between them right now. I know something is going on. I see all the signs and the only time they pull this shit on me is when something is going on, but the last thing I need right now is getting involved in their drama – whatever it is. I have my guesses and chances are I’m right but still… NOT my business. That shit never was.

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