I have been without meds since last Friday. Next med clinic appointment is next week. Maybe my refill order won’t get messed up this time. One would think that my appetite would have improved by now, but it hasn’t. I have no idea how long Topamax stays in your system so I don’t know if this is normal. I have noticed something else though that tells me it’s wearing off: this morning I woke up from a dream.
The dream wasn’t bad or frightening. It’s just I haven’t dreamed much of anything, or at least remembered them with this much clarity, since I started taking this med. A stranger kissed me and I woke up. Honestly it’s not that much in the way of dreams. What strikes me odd about it is that in the dream I was behaving like my 19 year old self. I was bold and unafraid. Flirting was an natural as breathing. Him kissing me didn’t feel like suffocating.
It’s been a little over 12 years that it’s felt safe to be kissed on the lips. Why would I dream something like that now after so long? I feel a little sad about it. I feel a sense of loss and regret. Maybe even a tad lonely. Depressing that an simple dream of a relatively chaste kiss triggers these emotions.