It feels like it’s been a long ass, cold fucking week of snow. Feel free to read my sister’s rant about that over here which I echo the sentiment (edit: I forgot to add the link. it’s now there, sorry about that!). I just don’t go anywhere to work. Instead I stay home with three boys that have been generally crabby as of late. At least now I have a better idea why Little Bear has been such a pill. He has a med clinic appointment this coming week and I plan to go over options with them then. I’m thinking I may need to launch a mood tracker for him like what I for myself, but probably something that looks at mornings and evenings. I’m just hesitant about it because it means just one more thing to add to the list of shit for me to juggle. At the moment I feel like I’m dropping the ball. Really – I still haven’t called the insurance to make sure our address is updated so they can start mailing our meds to us at my parents’ house. It’s a simple thing. There’s no excuse. But every fucking day it slips by undone. I don’t know why. And by the time I think about it, the office is closed. Same thing with my damn blood work since October I think. I don’t know – I’d have to hunt through my posts to tell you. That’s still not done. But come to find out the med clinic has a lab right there in the building for me to get it done if I’m willing to go in an hour early. Nice to find that out now. I’m hoping to remember that this Tuesday. AND remember I’m supposed to fast at least 8 hours prior to that too. That part shouldn’t be too hard if I’m willing to drink black coffee the night before. But we’ll see.
Mood Score Key:
Sliding Hypomania = 1 ~ Hypomania = 2 ~ Mania = 3 ~ Baseline (My Normal) = 0
Sliding Depression = -1 ~ Depression = -2 ~ Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State
Energy Score Key:
Low = -1 ~ Normal = 0 ~ High = 1
Irritation Score Key:
None = 0 ~ Mild = 1 ~ Moderate = 2 ~ Severe = 3
Anxiety Score Key:
None = 0 ~ Mild = 1 ~ Moderate = 2 ~ Severe = 3
Migraine Score Key:
None = 0 ~ Mild = 1 ~ Moderate = 2 ~ Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A
Sleep Quality Score Key:
Bad = -1 ~ Normal = 0 ~ Great = 1
Special Notes for the Week
Menses Start Date: ~
Weigh-In at Med Clinic: 150lbs. 2/7/2017
Sunday ~ February 5, 2017
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: failed to document
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- no meds
Meals
- ? cups of coffee
- failed to document – I know I ate, leftovers I think
Notes
Monday ~ February 6, 2017
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: failed to document
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- no meds
Meals
- ? of coffee
- 2 bowls of homemade pork fried rice
Notes
- parent meeting over Little Bear’s neuropsych eval (harder than I expected)
Tuesday ~ February 7, 2017
Mood: -1 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: failed to document
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- pharmacy was out of stock with my meds
Meals
- 3 cups of coffee
- couple pcs. cheddar & gouda cheese
- 3 pc. of fried chicken
Notes
- my med clinic and therapy appoinment
- emotions over neuropsych meeting hit me hard
Wednesday ~ February 8, 2017
Mood: -1 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 9pm night before, up at 5:30am – 8.5 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 25mg Topamax @ 7:30am
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
Meals
- 3 cups of coffee
- 2 bowls of mac & cheese
Notes
- thank you to my sister for reminding me that I haven’t failed Little Bear in trying to get him help – have been since he was 3-years-old, and he’s been an active psych patient since he was 4-years-old, and I’ve been fighting all this time saying we have been missing something even if I didn’t know what it was exactly so I shouldn’t beat myself up for not realizing it was a mixed episode – the point is I’ve been on the right track all along in this
- found out that I have been removed from the admin position in the parent support group on Facebook – I have mixed feelings about that – on one hand right now I feel I have too much on my plate, on the other hand last month they told me I was all set because I told them what was up but I find this when I logged in without a message or anything, but seriously I do have too much going on in my head and heart right now: how am I supposed to help anyone else on an administrative level? it sucks
Thursday ~ February 9, 2017
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 9pm night before, up at 6am – 9 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 75mg Topamax @ 7:30am
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
Meals
- 2 cups of coffee
- couple pcs. gouda cheese
- chicken nuggets and French fries
Notes
Friday ~ February 10, 2017
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 9pm night before, up at 6am – 9 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 75mg Topamax @ 7am
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
Meals
- 4 cups of coffee
- ramen noodles with homemade seasoning
- peanut butter sandwich on multigrain bread
Notes
- Dad tried to give me that speech about how I need to do more with my boys and I had to remind him that they rarely want to do anything with me, I watched him tuck his chin down and say “I know” – I’m starting to think he does this shit just to make me feel like I’m failing my kids somehow, I’m getting really tired of these speeches about how I should be doing more with them as a family, etc. – for the love of all that’s holy quit trying to parent my boys
- he also talked with me about Scholar Owl’s homeschooling – pretty much what my sister and I already talked about – with the added bonus of “when he turns 16 he can drop out and there is nothing you can do about it” I told him “NEWFLASH! by Maine law that comes into effect by the age of 15, I just haven’t told Scholar Owl yet” and I took perverse pleasure in seeing the shocked look on his face – yes, I have done my fucking homework on the laws before I decided to homeschool him, how many times do I need to prove this to him? but he agreed with my sister and I that public school will do him no favors – oddly he used our youngest brother as an example – and he agreed with my concern that if I pushed Scholar Owl too hard that he’ll just up and quit on me, but if I don’t find something that interests him enough he’ll up and quit too – so Dad ran his mouth about “that’s why I send him out to do things” and I’m thinking he’s supposed to be studying while the other two are in school not working outside… this was what I was worried about when we moved in: Dad hijacking the homeschool thing – he’s still hell bent on Scholar Owl getting a GED when if we do this right he can get a High School Diploma
- and of course he brings both of these up when I try to tell him about the writing – I don’t think he sees it as a career option for me still, nor does he see it as something that requires the time that it does – I don’t think Mom does either
Saturday ~ February 11, 2017
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 10pm night before, up at 6:30am – 8.5 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 75mg Topamax @ 7:30am
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
Meals
- 3 cups of coffee
- 2 12oz. cans of Dr. Pepper
- 2 slices of pepperoni pizza
Notes
- took Little Bear and Tuxedo Cat to school for their sledding party – I did not have the snow gear for it and damn near froze to death, but at least they had free hot chocolate there but Tuxedo Cat was angry I didn’t have cash for the snack stand – oh well
- watched the Trolls movie with the boys and my parents after dinner – the boys didn’t want to, but I made them and they admitted (accept Little Bear) that they liked it (Little Bear actually sat through the movie which was a sign he enjoyed it even though he said he didn’t) – my parents said they liked it too, I thought it was pretty damn cute (guys, they sang a clip of “The Sound of Silence” which I thought was awesome as hell! I wish they did the whole song, but that’s okay)
- insurance let me pick up my meds at the store today but the system pitched a fit about the boys’ meds so I had to pay for a partial for theirs and I have to call them Monday because the office was fucking closed – even the pharmacist didn’t understand saying “sure it’s the kids’ med so they have to play games on the day they’re closed” and I would have just bought the whole thing for both of them but it’s just before payday so of course I don’t have the full amount right now – fucking stress I don’t need so I’ve got to get off my ass and find out if my husband straightened the address out with the insurance company