I’m getting tired of Dad continuously sticking these jabs of his with the homeschooling of Scholar Owl. MY SON WAS FAILING PUBLIC SCHOOL AND BEING HELD BACK. Right now my son is doing just the minimum of what needs to be done to get the grade he needs to move on. So why is my father riding my ass, telling me I need to micromanage this boy? I told him today that micromanaging him isn’t going to prepare him for the world when he gets out there. And he was all like “Well you need to do something to get him through.” Well aren’t you the one that just said to me that as long as he was earning a C – or even as low as a D – the state wasn’t going to allow me to hold him back a grade? And then he goes on this speech about how I shouldn’t have pulled him from public school and shouldn’t be homeschooling him. BUT HE WAS GETTING STRAIGHT ZEROES IN PUBLIC SCHOOL. So how was that better? Make him learn that he has to repeat the grade. Wait… so if he’s in public school I’m supposed to let him just fail but if I’m homeschooling him I need to breathe down his neck, crack the whip, and make him earn grades higher than a C? Is this what my father is trying to fucking tell me? This is the twisted shit I fucking deal with every day. If it’s not coming from my mother, I’m getting it from him.
I. Can’t. Fucking. Win.
I don’t know what to fucking do anymore because it won’t fucking matter what I do. He will push until I break and then I’ll be the bad guy. He’ll push until I break and send my child back to public school who will start failing again and then I’ll catch holy hell just like before. It won’t fall on my son who is way fucking old enough to own his own shit. It will fall on me. It’s fucking bullshit. All of it.
It isn’t my life. It isn’t my education. It isn’t my future. It’s my son’s. All his. If my son wants all that HE NEEDS TO GET OFF HIS ASS AND EARN IT. I am so tired of everyone expecting me to just hand this shit over on a silver platter like I have it to give. I don’t have a future to give him when he needs to build it. All I can do is give him the tools and show him how to use them – which is what I have done and have been doing. And I will continue to do that.
But seriously what the fuck. Do my parents expect me to start job hunting for my son? What about the job interview? How about the job itself? And then his generation wonders WHY helicopter parenting is happening. It’s because of this fucking shit. They won’t fucking let go. They won’t fucking let us be the parents of our own children.
Fuck this shit. Fuck this noise. Just fuck it all.
I will make this work. Somehow. Because fuck it. I’m tired of him trying to take over. This isn’t his show – it’s mine. And these are my kids, not his. He isn’t the one that has to deal with the legal fall out. I am. Scholar Owl is. Living in his house doesn’t change that fact with homeschooling. Doesn’t change who has legal responsibility. He’s not taking over.
Not trying to control me? Bullshit. What the fuck do you call this then? It’s not advice.
Can you…maybe have like a rewards and punishments thing for your son to encourage better grades?? Listen, I don’t have kids myself, but I do think long and hard about such things. I also remember being a kid and well, these things kinda worked, but kinda didnt. BUT, I mean, you could try it! (If you haven’t already)
What didn’t work was the special attention the “golden child” received. Yeah, they were “perfect”, I was not. I felt bad and started failing on purpose. But still wanted to acheive for myself at the same time. I think, as long as you dont play favorites with your kids, or acknowledge improvements rather than perfections, then its good. Yeah, my sibling should have been challenged more, ha! Idk!
Just wanted togive you a thought andhope to diffuse your anger. I hear your frustration, but just relax in the fact that you ARE doing your best. I really wish you well. I can see how hard that could be…just first, breathe! 🙂
It will be alright! 🙂
Yes, I can – and do – have rewards and punishments in place for my boys. Last year this boy went without a computer for 6 months until my father stepped in and took over and replaced it on me. I didn’t not fix it because I couldn’t afford to. I didn’t fix it because my son was grounded for not doing the shit he needed to do. And we didn’t live at my parents’ house at the time. My dad just showed up at my place and did his thing. Like it was his right. This is why I’m pissed off. Because this is what he does. All the time.
So why was Scholar Owl willing to be grounded for 6 months and seemingly not give a shit about it? He’s a teenager with Bipolar disorder that had slipped into a depressive dominant mixed state episode. I can teach him how to cope with this, but he needs to practice and learn how to master those skills. Hell, I’m 40 years old and I’m still trying to get a handle on it. All I can do now is take him to therapy and take him to his med clinic appointments. By law I can’t even force him to take his meds due to his age. By law I’m not legally permitted to know shit unless he signs a HIPPA release form – also because of his age. By law ALL of this is on him now.
For three years straight in public school he was getting zeroes. When he was diagnosed with Bipolar they not only took away the 504 he had since 1st grade, but refused to give him an IEP – because of his IQ. Last year I homeschooled him for the first time, with a focus on getting him stabilized, and he passed with flying colors. This year he started strong, but now after we moved he’s sliding. My dad has been strongly against homeschooling from the start. Ever since we moved in, this is the shit he’s been feeding me. Last year when my son aced it, my father wanted me to run right back to the public school and have my son test out and skip grades. What my dad is doing, really has nothing to do with my son’s achievement level. At all.
Wow. I have no advice.
Don’t feel bad. After growing up with this, I’m coming to the belief that maybe there is no solid advice in dealing with this man. I just sort of exploded when I posted this because at the time I was seriously pissed. That and I wanted to document that it happened.
I could move out but that’s a different can of worms. You should have seen what he was like when I was hunting for places to live before we ended up moving back in with them this time around. Every place I considered had something wrong with it – and we hadn’t even gone to look at them yet. In most cases, I didn’t even get to.
And I find it odd (not really) that this all happens during a time my parents are getting along. Funny how that works. Mom’s been getting home from work early lately and for whatever reason cooking on my nights to cook (which for me, whatever). Now Dad is making jabs about that how I wasn’t going to cook any way and how he can’t eat so damn late. We still ate at 7pm, so I don’t get it – other than she made what he liked instead of me making what the boys like.
It was the same kind of thing not too long ago with how the stuff with Little Bear played out. Mom started with washing just one of the boys’ dirty clothes – Tuxedo Cat’s because he ALWAYS puts them in the bathroom – and then complains to Dad how I never do any cleaning. Later that day, she started in on Little Bear. Next day she started in with her weird thing over my appointment I had canceled due to the 2 hour bus delay..
So when the dinner thing happened after this post went live, I got thinking it’s the just same line of bullshit.
When the thing with Little Bear went down, neither of them seemed all that happy I stood my ground, said that he doesn’t need another mother, and said that they need to come to his med clinic appointments so they can understand the care plan. They aren’t interested in doing that. They don’t seem to be happy I’m taking parenting advice from a mental health hospital. I have two children with Bipolar and one with Autism. I would think the best place to get advice on parenting these boys is from the specialists.
This is just a stupid power play that never needs to happen in the first place.
Sounds like a nightmare. Sorry.
Sometimes, yes.
I got nothing but love you. <3
Thank you. <3 I realize this post was nothing but seriously angry word vomit salad but some days… some days you just have to blow. And I would rather do it with pen and paper than by some other, more disastrous means.
With that said, I stand by how I feel. It is bullshit. It is controlling. It isn't about my son. If it was he would be on my son's case, not mine.
This man has no problems what so ever with jumping people's shit when he thinks it's deserved. He doesn't hesitate to do so with my youngest. Heck, he even goes out of his way to correct Tuxedo Cat. But for some reason, when it comes to my oldest, this is what he does. It's always been that way and I don't understand. I don't think I ever will.
Hey I get it. Some days you just have to get it out and it sounds like your dad is being a serious douche. But, don’t worry about coming here and vomiting word salad. (brilliant btw) We get it and you have a lot of friends here who are willing to listen. Including me.
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