This week I’m tracking Little Bear’s stuff along with my stuff due to the school claiming to see symptoms of psychosis in him. Since I haven’t seen anything at home that flags as such to me, I decided to document meds and behaviors in case I’ve been missing something. I may need to change the tracker’s template down the road if this is going to become a thing.
As for me, I’m not sure if it’s depression or hypomania. I’m sliding, I know, but I don’t know which direction. Inclined to think hypomania, but… I feel worn down most of the time, even though my mind won’t stop. Typically for me, anxiety kicks in during hypomania when I feel like I’m losing control while with depression I feel overwhelmed and develop the “why bother” attitude.
Right now I feel the need to be proactive with Little Bear and I’m frustrated that there really isn’t anything I can do other than document and wait. It’s in the hands of the school staff as to how they nip this behavior in the classroom in the bud. Meanwhile I’m disappointed with myself that my novel writing is basically on hold.
Mood Score Key:
Sliding Hypomania = 1 ~ Hypomania = 2 ~ Mania = 3 ~ Baseline (My Normal) = 0
Sliding Depression = -1 ~ Depression = -2 ~ Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State
Energy Score Key:
Low = -1 ~ Normal = 0 ~ High = 1
Irritation Score Key:
None = 0 ~ Mild = 1 ~ Moderate = 2 ~ Severe = 3
Anxiety Score Key:
None = 0 ~ Mild = 1 ~ Moderate = 2 ~ Severe = 3
Migraine Score Key:
None = 0 ~ Mild = 1 ~ Moderate = 2 ~ Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A
Sleep Quality Score Key:
Bad = -1 ~ Normal = 0 ~ Great = 1
Special Notes for the Week
Menses Start Date: ~
Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~
Sunday ~ December 3, 2017
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 3:30am, up at 8am – 5.5 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
Meals
- 3 cups of coffee
- 1 bowl of pumpkin spice Life cereal
- 1 slice of cheesecake
- baked ham on wheat
Notes
- Total Word Count for the Month: 52,926
- Today’s Word Count Goal: 4,903
- Today’s Total Word Count: 859
- Finished Chapter 26
- Mom wants me to put up the Christmas tree Tuxedo Cat had me buy somewhere up here in our space so we can wrap the gifts we’ve bought so far and get them out of her space ASAP – I don’t know where the fuck I’m going to put this tree but a promise is a promise, so I need to figure something out and soon
Little Bear Notes
- Little Bear was high energy today, but nothing unusual – in fact I haven’t seen anything suggesting psychosis since bringing him home Friday
- Little Bear asleep by 8:30pm
Monday ~ December 4, 2017
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 1 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 11pm night before, up at 6am – 7 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
Little Bear Meds
- 100mg Lamictal @ 7am
- 100mg Lamictal @ 7pm
- 25mg Trazadone @ 7pm
- 1 tab Benedryll @ 7pm
Meals
- 4 cups of coffee
- 1 bag microwaved lightly buttered popcorn
- 3 chicken burgers with lettuce, tomato, and onion on bun
Little Bear Notes
- Little Bear woke up in a cooperative mood
- hospital called to reschedule January’s med clinic appointment – told them what the school is saying and asked for a sooner appointment, got one for just after Christmas
- no phone calls from the school
- some screaming at a video game, but otherwise in fairly good mood
- Little Bear asleep by 9pm
Notes
- Total Word Count for the Month: 52,926
- Today’s Word Count Goal: 6,044
- Today’s Total Word Count: 0
- was hit with the creeping sense of doom starting in the afternoon and by bedtime I realized it’s anxiety
Tuesday ~ December 5, 2017
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 1 ~ Anxiety: 1 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: I forget what time I fell asleep, up at 6am
Little Bear: asleep by 9pm, up at 6:30am
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
Little Bear Meds
- 100mg Lamictal @ 7am
- 100mg Lamictal @ 7pm
- 25mg Trazadone @ 7pm
- 1 tab Benedryll @ 7pm
Meals
- 1 large coffee from gas station
- 3 mini pumpkin chocolate chip whoopee pies
- 2 cups of coffee
- 2 beef & bean burritos with lettuce, cheese, and tomato
Notes
- Total Word Count for the Month: 52,926
- Today’s Word Count Goal: 8,044
- Today’s Total Word Count: 0
- okay, this is getting bad – I know why it’s happening: I have a hard time focusing when I have anxiety kicking in, especially when it’s over the well-being of the kiddos
- Therapy Tuesday – therapist tells me that psychosis isn’t an intermittent thing, meaning a psychotic episode will present symptoms in all settings for the duration of the episode, therefore my son wouldn’t show just signs at school but not at home, she asked if the school has permission to speak with his care providers (they do and I told them to report everything) and agreed that if whatever was going on shuts down the moment I walk into the classroom, it’s more likely the Conduct Disorder and not psychosis
- somehow even with all of the running around I did (therapy and dentist is an hour away from home), I got 2 loads of laundry washed and dried – folded? hell no
Little Bear Notes
- was going to finish Christmas shopping after therapy, but nagging feeling brought me home only to find out that the school called and needed me to come in
- Little Bear wrecked the spacer in his mouth AGAIN and had smuggled his 3DS to school AGAIN
- took him straight to the dentist’s office and had them remove the spacer and NOT replace it (which earned me two lectures on the dangers off not having a spacer – I’m tired of dealing with “what if’s” and his x-rays today show his permanent teeth are not only almost ready to come through, but are in perfect alignment and at that point the dentist dropped the issue)
- gave Little Bear a lavender bubble bath and of course it didn’t make him fall asleep earlier simply because I said something about it helping to Dad (I jinxed myself there)
Tuxedo Cat Notes
- Tuxedo Cat didn’t appear to be feeling well at dinner time, but wasn’t able to tell me what was wrong – he came home early last Friday due to stomach flu so I’m thinking he’s not quite “out of the weather” just yet
Wednesday ~ December 6, 2017
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 1 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 9pm night before, up at 1am – 4 hours total
went back to bed at 5am and only got out of bed when I needed to take care of something
Little Bear: not sure what time exactly when he fell asleep but there are chairs blocking the entrance of my room (the chair thing is not really unusual for him, just annoying)
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 600mg Ibuprophen @ 8pm (lowgrade fever, and my body just hurts like hell)
Little Bear Meds
- 100mg Lamictal @ 7am
- 100mg Lamictal @ 7pm
- 25mg Trazadone @ 7pm
- 1 tab Benedryll @ 7pm
Meals
- leftover Coke in the big bottle – less than a quarter – immediately upon waking
- 1 cups of coffee
- 1 cup black tea
- 2 packets instant oatmeal with wheat toast
- small slice of leftover baked ham
Notes
- Total Word Count for the Month: 52,926
- Today’s Word Count Goal: 10,044
- Today’s Total Word Count: 0
- sick as a dog today
- Little Bear was good, even tried to take care of me
Thursday ~ December 7, 2017
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: slept all day yesterday, up at 5am
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
Little Bear Meds
- 100mg Lamictal @ 7am
- 100mg Lamictal @ 7pm
- 25mg Trazadone @ 7pm
- 1 tab Benedryll @ 7pm
Meals
- ? cups of coffee (forgot to count them)
- 2 packets of instant oatmeal, 2 wheat toast
- smoked sausage, mashed potatoes
Notes
- Total Word Count for the Month: 52,926
- Today’s Word Count Goal: 12,044 (falling so far behind now)
- Today’s Total Word Count: 0
- 6am GI still feels squirrely, no fever, no pain
- got my “lazy” tree up finally for Christmas (a fake tree that came with lights on it and we decorated it with only multicolored candy canes – the plan: they eat them all before I have to put the tree away in January – best plan ever when you have kids that won’t leave it alone anyway and you hate the clean up phase of the holidays)
Friday ~ December 8, 2017
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 1:30am (made myself go to bed at this point), up at 6am
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
Little Bear Meds
- 100mg Lamictal @ 7am
- half of a 0.1 mg tab of Clonidine @ 8:30am
- 100mg Lamictal @ 7pm
- 25mg Trazadone @ 7pm
- 1 tab Benedryll @ 7pm
Meals
- 3 cups of coffee
- 2 8oz. glasses of Coke
- 2 packets of instant oatmeal (breakfast)
- 2 packets of instant oatmeal with 2 slices of white toast (lunch)
- leftover ham
- half bag of microwave popcorn (Tuxedo Cat ate the rest)
Notes
- Total Word Count for the Month: 52,926
- Today’s Word Count Goal: 2,000 (no longer interested in trying to catch up – I’ll be happy to finish just one chapter at this point)
- Today’s Total Word Count:
- had to come into the school at 8:30am to address Little Bear’s behavior
- he had only a few frowny faces, but only one in the afternoon – the other three were clustered in the beginning of the day
- watched Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2 with Tuxedo Cat – again
Saturday ~ December 9, 2017
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: don’t remember but I didn’t get up until 10am
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
Little Bear
- morning med was missed due to sleeping in
- 100mg Lamictal @ 7pm
- 25mg Trazadone @ 7pm
- 1 tab Benedryll @ 7pm
Meals
- 4 cups of coffee
- 2 packets of instant oatmeal
- fish sticks and potato puffs
Notes
- Total Word Count for the Month: 52,926
- Today’s Word Count Goal: 2,000
- Today’s Total Word Count: 0 (this is worse than when I was stuck on Chapter 7)
- I think since Little Bear appears to be stable, I’m going to go back to only recording the atypical stuff when it occurs – as it was I didn’t remember to mark the times of when he fell asleep since they felt normal