2018 Chaos Rally #16 – Still Here

I’ve been weepy most of the week, which is weird because Mom says I’ve been so much better since I’ve been back on meds. Not sure how this is better.

I don’t think she understands the titration process. Right now I’m only on 25mg. I didn’t feel the benefits for migraine prevention until I hit the 50mg twice a day and the mood stability didn’t come until 75mg twice a day. 50mg starts this Sunday. I have to run with that for two weeks and then I bump up to the 75mg.

It’s a slow process, but at least it’s a med well known for preventing Bipolar depression and the gold standard in migraine prevention. The fact that it helps with sleep disruption is a happy bonus.

My ex is here until this Sunday. Yesterday the boys were showing signs of distancing already. There was less of “do something with me” and more of him hovering and lingering, waiting for someone to pay attention to him. I don’t know if there is anything I can do about that when he shows up first thing every morning and stays until after dinner every night. Maybe it would be different if the children were neurotypical, but what I’m seeing is these boys are slipping back into their daily routines – which my ex isn’t a part of.

The only one that is still actively trying to spend time with him is Little Bear – his biological son. And he doesn’t spend a lot of time with him. Yesterday he told him they would go outside to play, then went upstairs to ask the other two if they wanted to, and ended up hanging out in their room trying to chum with my oldest. Naturally, Little Bear wasn’t happy with that.

He’s your son. Spend time with him. And if he doesn’t share the same interests as yours, suck it up.

Maybe my weepiness has nothing to do with my Bipolar and has legit everything to do with this messed up situation that I can’t change.

So this weekend, I have a playlist of songs that I’ve come across the during the week while working on my project for the terraforming contest that has helped me feel better. The deadline is this coming Monday and I hope to finish it on time. So we’ll see.

Until then, I hope life graces you with much light, love, and laughter.

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