Talking to my brother that lives on the west coast near the end of the week has made me realize that I may need to request a med for my anxiety. As he said it could be just a temporary thing until I can get some lifestyle changes in place, but right now my sleep is a mess and I can’t function like this. Any amount of additional stress that comes my way and I’m a wreck. That’s no good. It’s got to change.
Mood Score Key:
Sliding Hypomania = 1 ~ Hypomania = 2 ~ Mania = 3 ~ Baseline (My Normal) = 0
Sliding Depression = -1 ~ Depression = -2 ~ Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State
Energy Score Key:
Low = -1 ~ Normal = 0 ~ High = 1
Migraine Score Key:
None = 0 ~ Mild = 1 ~ Moderate = 2 ~ Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A
Sleep Quality Score Key:
Bad = -1 ~ Normal = 0 ~ Great = 1
Special Notes for the Week
Menses Start Date: ~
Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~
Sunday ~ July 1, 2018
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 4am, up at 7am – 3 hours total
bed at 7:30am, up at 11am – 3.5 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 75mg Topamax @ 7am
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
Meals
- 4 cups of coffee
- 2pcs. leftover chicken
- 1 BBQ Rib, 1 Bratwurst, 1/2c. potato salad, 1/2c. pasta salad
- 1pc. chocolate cake
Today’s Feelings
- Restless
Notes
- scheduled all my blank mood trackers for the rest of this year
- now I have no excuses for not filling them out
- if they go up blank, feel free to shame/chide me
- scheduled all of the Chaos Pen NaNo Bite mini challenges for November this year
- note sure what else I need to be scheduling for my blog, but I feel like there ought to be something – maybe it is due to this restlessness that I’m feeling?
- starting to feel like I ought to get back to outlining my novel, but I feel like I’m missing something important despite the fact I haven’t finished worldbuilding
Monday ~ July 2, 2018
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: -1~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 3am, up at 10:30am – 7.5 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- missed AM meds
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
Meals
- 2pkgs. instant oatmeal, 2 slices buttered whole grain oat toast
- 2 leftover bratwurst
- big ass green salad after 9pm
Today’s Feelings
- Burnt Out
Notes
- binged watched Bleach all day on Crunchy Roll
Tuesday ~ July 3, 2018
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 1pm, up at 6am – 5 hours total
napped 2pm to 7pm – 5 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 75mg Topamax @ 7am
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
Meals
- 3 cups coffee
- 1 quart instant iced tea (mixed in a Mason jar)
- 3 leftover pork ribs
Today’s Feelings
- I don’t know
Notes
- returned to work on my Fleurya web series project for my blog
- more world building and outlining
- set my Camp NaNo goals for this month to 4 hours a day
- I put in 8 hours today and completed the outline for Act 2
- still feel like there is something wrong
Wednesday ~ July 4, 2018
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Migraine: 0.5A
Hours of Sleep: bed at 4:30am, up at 11am – 6.5 hours total
napped 12pm to 3pm – 3 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- missed AM meds
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
- 600mg Ibuprofen @ 9pm
Meals
- 3 cups of coffee
- 2pkgs. instant oatmeal, 2 slices buttered oatmeal toast
- 2 slices buttered oatmeal toast
Today’s Feelings
- Cranky midday, because seriously why am I trying to function?
- not so Cranky after nap, but still tired
Notes
- woke up feeling tired
Thursday ~ July 5, 2018
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 4:30am, up at 6am – 1.5 hours total – fuck why did I even bother?
went back to bed at 6:30am, up at 11am – 4.5 hours total
Little Bear woke me up multiple times throughout all of this
bed at 7:30pm, up at 10pm – 2.5 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- missed AM meds
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
Meals
- 3 cups of coffee
- 4c green salad with shredded cheese, cranberries, glazed pecans, pine nuts, 4 tbsp. ranch dressing
- 2 Cheese Burgers
Today’s Feelings
- Annoyed as fuck – Little Bear woke up as a cranked up hyper version of the Energizer Bunny
- shoot. me. now.
- Tired by the end of the day
Notes
- my brother living in California called and it was nice to chat with him today
- it relaxed me a little bit to vent somewhat and hear him out
- enjoyed being at the music lesson with my two older sons today
- learned about a reference test using fluorescent lights with Tuxedo Cat
- discovered that Scholar Owl has a natural sense of rhythm and him and teacher goofed around with the drums at the end of the session
- the three of them had a good time today and it was fun to watch them
Friday ~ July 6, 2018
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 4am, up at 6am – 2 hours total
bed at 6pm, up at 11pm – 5 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 75mg Topamax @ 8am
- 75mg Topamax @ 11pm
Meals
- 3 cups of coffee
- finished what was left of that salad – maybe a quarter cup?
- 2pkgs. msg free chicken ramen (really need to say goodbye to those if I want to lower blood pressure)
- peanut butter on whole grain oatmeal bread
Today’s Feelings
- Trepidation (took me this long to figure out this is what’s been dominating my emotions since June 27th)
- for those that don’t know what this word means, it’s dread level anxiety
- so beyond a 10 on a scale of 0-10
- it’s just all bullshit that I can’t seem to let go
- Irritated because they didn’t have the parts that were supposed to be in to get my car fixed today
- Tried physically after lunch (the ramen meal – like ALWAYS)
Notes
- today I get my car fixed and it better get its inspection sticker and hopefully it doesn’t take all damn day to get it done
- had to reschedule for next Wednesday morning
- hopefully the parts will be in
Saturday ~ July 7, 2018
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 12pm, up at 2pm – 2 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 75mg Topamax @ 7am
- 75mg Topamax @ 7:30pm
Meals
- 3 cups of coffee
- 1 cup of sun brewed tea
- 2pkgs. instant oatmeal, 2 slices buttered oatmeal toast
- 2 scoops of lite vanilla ice cream with dark chocolate syrup
- 2 plates of spaghetti with meat sauce and parm. cheese
Today’s Feelings
- Exhausted
- Calm
Notes
- given how this month is going for Camp NaNo, I changed my daily goal to one hour of world building and outlining per day since I’m already not meeting the original 4 hour per day plan – I know probably cheap of me to do that, but I’m not killing myself over this
- worked on the web series project for 2 hours