Toad’s Weekly Assessment #22-2018

It feels like a long week. Perhaps it’s because of the way it has ended. At least I finally found out what my ex has been planning behind the scenes since his last visit.


Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1


Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: ~

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~


Sunday ~ July 29, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 2am, up at 9am – 7 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • missed AM and PM

Meals

  • 6 cups of coffee
  • 2 12oz. Dr. Pepper
  • half a steak sandwich (gave Little Bear the other half)
  • steak and corn on the cob

Today’s Feelings

  • ?

Notes

  • last day of ex in-laws’ visit 11pm-3:30pm
  • completed scheduling Tarot Thursday posts up to Seven of Pentacles

Monday ~ July 30, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: midnight to 8am, 8 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 8am
  • skipped – had to pick up my refill today

Meals

  • 1 12oz. Dr. Pepper
  • 5 cups of coffee
  • 2 fried chicken wings, strawberries and raspberries
  • 2 pc. leftover chicken

Today’s Feelings

  • ?

Notes

  • got a phone call today notifying me that I had missed my med clinic appointment today and asked if I wanted to reschedule, which I did – don’t know why it never got written down or what happened to the appointment card
  • still stuck on Act 3 with outlining and worldbuilding – not sure yet what I need to do to get myself to move forward with this

Tuesday ~ July 31, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 2:30am, up at 6am – 3.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:30am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 7:30am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 5mg Melatonin @ 7pm

Meals

  • 3 cups of coffee
  • 1 12oz. can Dr. Pepper
  • 2 tall glasses of Pepsi
  • 1 large coffee from gas station
  • sliced mild cheddar cheese
  • 3 slices of ham and black olive pizza

Today’s Feelings

  • content

Notes

  • Therapy Tuesday
  • bought the Shadowscapes Tarot and Mystic Faerie Tarot
    • done buying decks for now since school will be starting again soon
  • finished scheduling up to Ten of Pentacles
  • watched Ready Player One and Deadpool – enjoyed both movies
    • watched Ready Player One with Scholar Owl, Tuxedo Cat, and his father
    • watched Deadpool with Tuxedo Cat’s father
      • don’t think Tuxedo Cat is quite ready for it yet
      • don’t need him repeating stuff from the movie he doesn’t fully understand

Wednesday ~ August 1, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6am – 6 hours total
bed at 12pm, up at 5pm – 5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 8:30am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 8:30am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 5mg Melatonin @ 7pm

Meals

  • 4 cups of coffee
  • 2 slices of leftover pizza for breakfast
  • 2 slices of leftover pizza for dinner

Today’s Feelings

  • content

Notes

  • spent a lot of time studying and practicing writer readings this morning

Thursday ~ August 2, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 2am, up at 9am – 7 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 9am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 9am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 8pm
  • 5mg Melatonin @ 8pm

Meals

  • 4 cups of coffee
  • 1 12oz. can Dr. Pepper
  • 1 slice leftover pizza
  • cheese and crackers with pepperoni

Today’s Feelings

  • tired and beat up physically

Notes

  • prepped Scholar Owl’s homeschool portfolio for this Monday
  • Little Bear’s bedroom had to be purged and prepped for visiting family coming this weekend and next week

Friday ~ August 3, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 2am, up at 8am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 8am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 8am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 5mg Melatonin @ 7pm

Meals

  • 3 cups of coffee
  • 1 cup of raspberry herbal tea
  • 1 12oz. bottle of black tea
  • leftover fried chicken
  • a bag of microwaved popcorn

Today’s Feelings

  • agitated last part of the day

Notes

  • received letter from ex husband’s lawyer stating if I don’t give my ex overnights even though the court order visitation states he doesn’t get them unless he physically lives within 70 miles of where our son lives, he’s going to take me to court to petition for the visitation to be rewritten
    • the lawyer tried to tell me on the phone when I called him there was a clause in there for this, but when he read it out loud to me over the phone, he quickly discovered there wasn’t
    • there is only a clause that there is no need to go back to court to revise the order every time either one of us moves as long as we are still in agreement with the terms of visitation
    • so much fucking bullshit

Saturday ~ August 4, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 1A

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • 600mg Ibuprofen @ 10am
  • 600mg Ibuprofen @ 6pm
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:30pm
  • 5mg Melatonin @ 7:30pm

Meals

  • 4 cups of coffee
  • 3 slices of pepperoni pizza

Today’s Feelings

  • aggravated and sad

Notes

  • got phone call from ex so I confronted him about this
    • he tried to tell me this isn’t at all what he wanted – that he doesn’t want to go to court, that he just wants to be able to have Little Bear overnight once during his visits when he’s on leave because he’s probably never going to be able to live within 70 miles of us
    • so I told him that I need to take some time to consider what is best for Little Bear and his safety (because of what he’s diagnosed with) and very likely I will need to speak with a lawyer of my own to find out what my rights are because I don’t like feeling bullied or threatened here at all, which is what his lawyer has done
    • what pisses me off the most in all of this that it was his lawyer that drafted the visitation agreement up in the first place and my ex signed it, I signed it, and the judge approved it and ratified it without our divorce ever leaving pre-trial
    • I feel like his lawyer set things up so that there would be a fight later down the road so he could make more money
    • I feel like my ex rushed things so he could hurry up and move along into the relationship with this woman he’s engaged to now
      • which he did confirm today by the way, claiming he hid it from me so as to not hurt my feelings
      • the dishonesty and hiding still and always hurts more than anything else
      • and the reason he doesn’t know how I’m going to react to things (so he claims) is he never took the time to get to know the real me, he always wanted me to be this surrogate and this is why he never stuck around and was always cheating on me because I couldn’t be this imaginary person
      • I think he still wants me to be this surrogate – whoever the fuck she is – because he honestly expected and wanted me to be upset that he’s getting married and sounded sad when I was honestly able to tell him I wanted him to be happy and that I wish him the best and that he better not do to her what he did to me or he’s going to end up with more of the same shit – I’m serious, I could feel him walling up as I spoke, and I wasn’t trying to hurt him, but it hurt him to hear me say all this but he needed to hear it
      • this cycle has to break – for both of us
      • I can’t be his surrogate anymore

 

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