Toad’s Weekly Assessment #28-2018

In some ways the week has felt long, but it has also flown by. Next week Scholar Owl and I will be going to an orientation class over at the adult ed program to find out if we can get him a diploma through the public high school with his homeschool portfolios rather than have him do the GED exam. So this week it’s been getting everything in order for that along with working on my blog. Business as usual.


Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1


Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: ~

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~


Sunday ~ September 9, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 11pm, up at 6am – 7 total hours

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm

Meals

  • 5 cups of coffee
  • baked chicken, mashed potatoes, carrots

Today’s Feelings

  • content
  • anxious (pm)

Notes

  • I actually woke up feeling rested finally for a change
  • set up my med box
  • designed my banner and thumbnail logo for my online tarot business
  • began scheduling posts for the Emotional Tarot series
  • I worry I’m fucking things up with my friend, Tuxedo Cat’s father
    • long story I’m not ready to discuss on here, but I need to mark the point

Monday ~ September 10, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 3am, up at 6am – 3 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:30pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 9pm

Meals

  • 3 cups of coffee
  • leftover hotdog

Today’s Feelings

  • anxious
  • lonely

Notes

  • worked on scheduling more posts for the Emotional Tarot series
  • ex called the boys today
    • he didn’t speak to me other than to ask for them thankfully

Tuesday ~ September 11, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 10pm, up at 6am – 8 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm

Meals

  • 6 cups of coffee
  • 1 large coffee from gas station
  • steak /w grilled onions and mushrooms, potatoes
  • lava cake and ice cream

Today’s Feelings

  • happy

Notes

  • Therapy Tuesday
  • must have been worried for nothing, spent an absolutely wonderful day with my friend – I even felt closer to being my old self

Wednesday ~ September 12, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 3am, up at 6am – 3 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 8pm

Meals

  • 3 cups of coffee
  • fried chicken, tater tots

Today’s Feelings

  • I don’t know… it’s been a messed up day of nothing done and rabbit holes on Facebook

Notes

  • Read this news article about a 19 year old man in Virginia that was convicted of sexually assaulting a 14 year old school girl after a school play won’t be serving any active prison time of his sentence.
    • okay… like, hold up! he plead guilty, he was convicted, he was sentenced, and now his sentence is just waived away? our justice system is fucked up
  • This is just one of the many bullshit articles I came across today, but this is the one that stuck with me all day because it echoed too much like the Brock Turner case – which was a rather triggering case for me to follow and unfortunately flooded my feed back then.
  • it’s because of shit like this so few survivors come forward to begin with
    • the moment we come forward is the moment we crucify ourselves
    • why bother going through all that if they barely get a slap on the wrist?
    • I have never met anyone willing to go through that kind of hell
      • not even me
      • why are people so quick to accuse survivors of lying?
        • few have the courage to see it through to the end for the truth
        • why the fuck would anyone do this to themselves for a lie?
  • BUT on the plus side, I came across this video that I think really nails it well as to what it’s like to have Schizoid Personality Disorder
    • I mean he used different words than I have in the past, like I have called it enmeshing or invading while he called it consuming but it’s the same thing
    • exactly the way it feels and precisely the problem I’m dealing with every day
    • always thought that the intensity of everything came from the Bipolar, but based on what he’s saying that’s not entirely true
    • in the end, what he’s describing is the hyper reading of body language
    • it just felt really validating to see this and listen to him describe it

Thursday ~ September 13, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 11pm, up at 6:30am – 7.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 6pm

Meals

  • 2 cups of coffee
  • 20oz. bottle Dr. Pepper
  • 1 large Pepsi at movie theater
  • 2 cheeseburgers on white buns with lettuce, tomatoes, and onions
  • 1 microwave bag of popcorn (shared)

Today’s Feelings

  • anxiety
  • guilt
  • relief
  • gratitude

Notes

  • My friend is missing
  • Little Bear’s med clinic appointment
  • My friend was found later this afternoon!
  • went to the movie theater to see the new Predator movie with Tuxedo Cat’s father
    • we went to an early release showing
    • I enjoyed it
    • the trailer I linked to is not the one I saw originally, I saw a different one, so I wasn’t sure if the movie was going to be a remake or not so I pleased to see that it wasn’t, that it’s a continuation of the overall storyline
  • rewatched the remake of the IT movie when we got back from the theater

Friday ~ September 14, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 3am, up at 6:30am – 3.5 hours total
napped 12pm to 2pm – 2 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm

Meals

  • 3 cups of coffee
  • 2 leftover meatloaf on buns

Today’s Feelings

  • mildly anxious

Notes

  • since I had used a pass/fail system for last year’s homeschool portfolio, I’ve spent the day going back over all the assignments – and I mean ALL his assignments – and grading them the traditional way so that Scholar Owl could have a traditional GPA on his transcript for when we go to his orientation class next week
  • I will need to do the same for the first year we homeschooled if I can find everything, if not I’m not sure they will accept that portfolio – if they don’t then he’s 4 credits away from a public school diploma, which we can easily meet by the end of this year

Saturday ~ September 15, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 8pm, up at 5am – 9 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 8am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm

Meals

  • 3 cups of coffee
  • steak tips, mac & cheese, mango spears, salad, Italian bread, brownies

Today’s Feelings

  • hopeful
  • stressed

Notes

  • started purging my bedroom/living room/home office in the hopes of finding Scholar Owl’s first homeschool portfolio
    • found it around 10am
  • barely made a dent in the boxes in the corner, but did fill up one bag of garbage – thanks Little Bear for trashing the space in here
  • mostly feel like I’m playing “Shuffle the Shit” here – half tempted to throw it all out instead of sorting it – a lot of it is stuff I didn’t take the time to sort when we moved here from the old apartment in the rush
    • most of it is clothes – if I haven’t used it by now, do I really need it?
  • Scholar Owl’s High School Transcripts have now been copied over into a neat little folder for the orientation class as of 12pm
    • according to the public school requirements, he has 24.5 credits
      • this includes the 0.5 credit portfolio presentation requirements, which we have done each year with the certified teachers at Homeschoolers of Maine via portfolio review
  • Little Bear has of course begun to resist and pitch a fit about cleaning his part of the mess upstairs where we live… so it begins

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