Toad’s Weekly Assessment #31-2018

It’s been a long week. Emotionally numb and stressed for most of it – if not all of it. Little Bear ended up in going to in-patient care the beginning of this week. Trying to hang in there. Not a fan of hospitals. Really not.


Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1


Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: ~

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~


Sunday ~ September 30, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 1:30am, up at 6am – 4.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 9am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • 5 cups of coffee
  • Dinner:
    • Pork Chops
    • Green Salad w/ Cheese and Cranberries, Pine Nuts, Pecans, Bacon Bits & Raspberry Vinaigrette
    • Mango Spears
    • Cherry Tomatoes in a wide variety of colors
      • had trouble with the wine (burgundy?) colored one – made my throat burn and feel weird

Today’s Feelings

  • critical mass this morning in the way of anxiety/stress
    • cried, but not quite in panic yet

Notes

  • completed reading template for Birthday Year Reading
    • still need to add this reading package to the shop

Monday ~ October 1, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep:

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm

Meals

  • ? cups of coffee
  • 1 cup of green tea
  • sushi lunch box order and shared a noodle bowl with Little Bear
  • steak dinner with friend

Today’s Feelings

  • more relaxed than last week

Notes

  • trauma anniversary
    • really wanted this year to have a happy event to be going on around this day
    • instead, I have to send Little Bear into partial in-patient
      • never gets easier, does it?
  • Wisdom Card for Today: Knight of Swords
    • be patient w/ others today and don’t rush things or cut corners to get things done
  • intake at the hospital went well, they heard me out with the scheduling of family meetings needing to be both parents together to avoid miscommunication
  • renewed my driver’s license

Tuesday ~ October 2, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 2am, up at 6am – 4 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:30pm

Meals

  • ? cups of coffee
  • mini pizza
  • plate of buttered spaghetti w/ parm. cheese
  • piece of choc. cake

Today’s Feelings

  • stressed

Notes

  • Little Bear was admitted to in-patient
    • got to have him home for one more night – my b-day party

Wednesday ~ October 3, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 2am, up at 6:30am – 3.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 8:30am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm

Meals

  • 2 cups of coffee
  • fresh mango spears
  • fresh cantaloupe

Today’s Feelings

  • pensive and tired

Notes

  • Wisdom Card for Today: Nine of Pentacles
    • count and appreciate your blessings – and get some rest

Thursday ~ October 4, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 8:30pm, up at 5:30am – 9 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:30am
  • PM meds missed

Meals

  • 4 cups of coffee
  • 1 20oz. bottle of Dr. Pepper
  • ham and cheese sandwich Lunchable box

Today’s Feelings

  • honestly don’t know – left shoulder was a hard rock by the end of day, so stressed?

Notes

  • at 11am, the doctor at the in-patient wing called and said he would speak to Little Bear’s father about the meds
    • seriously hope that goes well
  • visited Little Bear 3pm-5:30pm
  • took Scholar Owl and Tuxedo Cat to homecoming dance 7-9:30pm
  • watched Stranger Things with Tuxedo Cat’s father
  • family is of the opinion that since I have physical custody of Little Bear that I should have sole medical custody due to emergencies like this right now

Friday ~ October 5, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 2am, up at 8:30am – 6.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • AM meds missed
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm

Meals

  • 3 cups of coffee
  • 1 14oz. bottle of iced coffee
  • ham and cheese sandwich Lunchable box

Today’s Feelings

  • numb

Notes

  • finished scanning my copy of the Panda Tarot into the computer for use with the Orphalese Tarot program
  • spoke with ex on Facebook today
    • he sounded upset the hospital took so long to contact him about Little Bear being admitted to in-patient
    • also sounded upset he wasn’t given much detail
      • hell, I haven’t been given much info either
    • I made it clear to him that Little Bear will be there until he’s stable so we need to be on the same page with his treatment plan or they’ll just hold our son there and do pretty much nothing until a court order happens because at the moment he’s of the opinion our son should just be observed right now with no changes despite the fact that Little Bear’s meds are clearly not working
    • I brought up the sole medical custody issue – as to why it’s bad for the parent that has physical custody not to have it when the child has special needs
      • they couldn’t do anything with our son beyond getting him a bed until they spoke with him
      • they can’t do anything with our son’s meds unless we both agree
      • what he doesn’t understand is by having legal medical custody, you are also legally responsible for everything that child does when they have a psychotic episode
        • this means if your child breaks someone’s window due to a mental illness, the owner can sue you for damages and win
        • any and all criminal activity your child commits while mentally ill falls on you when you have medical custody
        • this means if you know your child is mentally ill while you have medical custody and you choose to not treat your child’s illness you are doubly responsible for any damages and behavior as a result
        • if you don’t want this responsibility then quit passing the buck and just let someone else have custody to make these judgement calls for your child instead
          • this should never be about you, your ego, or your pride
          • this is about giving your child the best possible chance at life
          • do what’s right for you child, not what’s right for you

Saturday ~ October 6, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 12am, up at 6:30am – 6.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 9am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm

Meals

  • 4 cups of coffee
  • 20oz. bottle of Dr. Pepper
  • ham and cheese sandwich Lunchable box
  • 2 cinnamon buns

Today’s Feelings

  • irritated

Notes

  • Little Bear had a bad day at the hospital today
    • didn’t want us there even after he called us to come visit
    • he refused the flu vaccine even after he said he would take it
    • seems his father gave him the impression all he had to do to go home was behave himself, which of course isn’t true
      • his father of course claims this is a misunderstanding of what he said
      • don’t think I didn’t notice how long it took you to type (Facebook shows you the “typing icon” dumb ass) your very short reply and then how quick you were to explain it
      • this is gaslighting in action folks – so yes, he said it but that’s not exactly how it went
        • you know, once in awhile I could see this being a thing or maybe if it was only one person that misunderstood but when this happens with damn near everything he says? I call complete bullshit

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