Another week down and Little Bear is still in the pediatric in-patient unit. We’re hanging in there and I’ve been trying to keep my spirits up this week without being a burden to others.

---

Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1

---

Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: ~

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~

---

Sunday ~ October 7, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 10pm night before, up at 12am – 2 hours total
bed at 3:30am, up at 4:30am – 1 hour total
bed at 4:30am, up at 9am – 4.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: -1

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 9am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• 3 cups of coffee
• large coffee from gas station
• cheese and crackers with Little Bear
• artisan Gouda mac & cheese, carrots

Today’s Feelings

• uneasy

Notes

• watched more of the second season Stranger Things with Tuxedo Cat’s father

---

Monday ~ October 8, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 4am, up at 11am – 7 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• AM meds missed
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• 2 cups coffee
• 18.5oz. bottle of unsweetened black tea
• ham and cheese sub Lunchable
• 1oz. plain potato chips
• fresh mango spears, cheese, pepperoni, sausage, and crackers

Today’s Feelings

• fucked if I know, but I’d like to think I’m feeling mellow

Notes

• carpet came loose on the third step from the top of the stairs, causing my feet to fly out from under me, and dropping me half way down the steps late this morning
  • left hip hurt for the rest of the day
• finished watching the rest of season 2 of Stranger Things with Tuxedo Cat’s father
• started putting together a Birthday Year Reading for my sister, Mythonia

---

Tuesday ~ October 9, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 2am, up at 6am – 4 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• ? cups of coffee
• cheese and crackers – lunch and dinner

Today’s Feelings

• not okay

Notes

• ex husband said during family meeting at the hospital over the telecom he will go with what I decide for Little Bear so now that’s on record since the hospital staff has to document everything to protect themselves
  • he also tried to tell the staff his father was on Lithium for his heart at one point…. when he got off the phone, the staff asked me if his father had told him if that’s what Lithium was for – I have no idea, I assume so given the other weird shit that man has told him
  • for those that don’t know, Lithium has been used as a treatment for Bipolar since 1948
    • so no, there is no one on this planet taking it for their heart
    • side note trivia: prior to it’s use for Bipolar, it was used for treating epilepsy (seizures), which suggests we’ve been aware of the connection between these two for a very long time
  • so yeah, Bipolar is on both sides of Little Bear’s family whether people want to admit to it or not
• watched OA on Netflix last night – was really good, I liked it, and I hope they continue the series

---

Wednesday ~ October 10, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Migraine: 0A

Hours of Sleep: bed at 2am, up at 7am – 5 hours total
Napped between 8am to 2pm – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: -1

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 8:30am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm

Meals

• 3 cups of coffee
• 19oz. bottled unsweetened black tea
• chef salad
• popcorn
• PBJ sandwich on oatmeal bread

Today’s Feelings

• drained and bland

Notes

• woke up feeling drained, aching, and just a general sense of malaise all over
  • perhaps depression is trying to slide in?
• started raining around 8pm tonight
• started watching Gotham on Netflix with Tuxedo Cat’s father
  • I’m starting the series over, this is his first time with it
  • I fell asleep on him
• still working on a Birthday Year Reading for my sister

---

Thursday ~ October 11, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 1am, up at 6am – 5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7:30am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm

Meals

• 1 cups of coffee
• 19oz. bottle unsweetened black tea
• turkey and cheese sandwich on white
• spinach salad w/ cranberries, walnuts, feta cheese & rasp. vinaigrette

Today’s Feelings

• tired considerably by 6:30pm – otherwise no idea

Notes

• just realized I’ve been drinking significantly less coffee than I’m used to
  • this could be contributing to my sluggish feeling as of late
  • surprised that this hasn’t triggered headaches
• finished typing up birthday reading for my sister, Mythonia
  • pretty certain at this point the template is complete – just bigger than I anticipated

---

Friday ~ October 12, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 1A

Hours of Sleep: bed at 7:30pm, up at 6am – 10.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 600mg Ibuprofen @ 6:00am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 1000mg Tylenol @ 10am
• 600mg Ibuprofen @ 12pm
• 600mg Ibuprofen @ 6pm
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm

Meals

• 2 cups of coffee
• 1 cup of coffee with 3 strongly brewed 4oz. shots
• cheese, turkey, and crackers
• pork chops, mac & cheese, salad with ranch dressing
• 1 draft Angry Orchard apple cider
• 1 jello shot

Today’s Feelings

• uplifted most of the day

Notes

• dreamed about human experiments in tree houses
  • my father was building the tree houses with fancy Gothic windows
    • these were small, about the size of a single room, but the windows were huge – why?
  • I was drawing blood samples (which I have never done in my life) from people I never met and never saw again
  • I have no idea what the experiments were for or why tree houses were needed
  • far as I could tell, I was the only person that spent any time in the tree houses
  • in the dream I was aware that there was a basement or underground of some kind involved with all this, but I never saw it
• finished scanning my copy of the Mystic Faerie Tarot deck into my computer
  • yes, this matters: PNG format allows for transparency while most of the Orphalese files in that digital library are in JPG format, which don’t allow transparency
    • it’s more than cosmetics to me, there’s a functional issue here
• today the doctor decided to make slight adjustments to Little Bear’s current meds
  • increase Trazadone from 50mg to 75mg
  • switch the Kapvay from nighttime to daytime
• saw Empty Head play tonight with Tuxedo Cat’s father

---

Saturday ~ October 13, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 4am, up at 11am – 7 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• AM meds missed
• 75mg Topamax @ 8pm

Meals

• 2 cups of coffee
• cheese, pepperoni, sausage & crackers

Today’s Feelings

• mildly apprehensive

Notes

• I know I’m moving faster than Tuxedo Cat’s father
  • I’m worried it will push him away – I don’t know, maybe I should
  • maybe I don’t have any business being in a relationship given what I have for disorders
  • as much as I don’t want to be, I am high maintenance
  • I also know there will come a point when I will withdraw from all social interaction – because I always do – and then what?
• visit with Little Bear was rough tonight
• worked on creating a 3D model of a tarot deck for my avatar

---