Tode’s Weekly Assessment #35-2018

/ Warren Tode

It’s been a seriously long week, but I survived.

Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1

Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: ~

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~

Sunday ~ October 28, 2018

Mood: -0.5 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 3:30am, up at 8:30am – 5 hours total
woke up frequently

Sleep Quality: -1

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 8:30am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 8:00pm

Meals

  • 3 cups of coffee
  • 1 can Dr. Pepper
  • 6in. Roast Beef Sub

Today’s Feelings

  • frustrated
  • agitated
  • cast aside

Notes

  • worked on writing and scheduling more of the Emotional Tarot series
    • completed up to Six of Wands
  • one look out the window this morning showed me that the roads are nothing but an icy glaze today
    • buy end of day the roads weren’t too bad
  • Little Bear had an episode while we were there
    • pretty much no different than the ones he has at home
  • had to take my mom to the ER because she had fell and it looked like she might have broken her ankle
    • not broken, but she did tear up ligaments
  • Tuxedo Cat’s father showed up in ER with his daughter while we were there
    • she had broke out in rashy hives all over so her mother called him to take her
      • doctor there believes it was something in the antibiotic (sulfa filler?) that caused it
        • I guess it’s something that can build up in the system, so it’s technically an intolerance rather than an allergy
        • either way, it fucking sucks to have!

Monday ~ October 29, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 1:30am, up at 6:30am – 4 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 8pm

Meals

  • 3 cups of coffee
  • 1 bottle of Starbucks coffee (peppermint mocha flavor)
  • 6in. roast beef sub and 1oz. bag of chips
  • fried chicken and pineapple

Today’s Feelings

  • uplifted and hopeful

Notes

  • watched Big Hero 6 during visit with Little Bear today
  • watched more Gotham with Tuxedo Cat’s father today

Tuesday ~ October 30, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 2am, up at 7am – 5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm

Meals

  • ? cups of coffee
  • 12oz. bottle of cranberry juice
  • turkey and cheese sandwich on (pretend) wheat

Today’s Feelings

  • worried and stressed

Notes

  • Therapy Tuesday
  • visited with Little Bear and I’m not convinced that the Seroquel is doing what the doctor promised it would
    • ever since he started it, Little Bear has had a restraint event every day and has resorted to aggression almost immediately
    • this reminds me too much of what he was like on the Depakote and I don’t like it and I don’t want to bring him home like this
  • had a hard time focusing on my Halloween post today

Wednesday ~ October 31, 2018

Mood: ? ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6am – ? hours total
struggled with sleep the entire night

Sleep Quality: -1

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 8am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 8pm

Meals

  • 4 cups of coffee
  • bottle of ice coffee
  • bottle of cranberry juice
  • turkey & cheese sandwich

Today’s Feelings

  • a fucking kaleidoscope of shit

Notes

  • Halloween today!
  • Trick-or-Treat with the boys, Tuxedo Cat’s father and his daughter
    • spent the evening with Tuxedo Cat’s father after but I fucked it up
    • wasn’t able to find the movie Scholar Owl wanted to watch
    • really missed Little Bear
  • cellphone was deactivated for some reason
    • I assume due to how tight money has been for me and my card was declined

Thursday ~ November 1, 2018

Mood: -1 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 2am, up at 6am – 4 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm

Meals

  • 1 cups of coffee
  • extra large coffee from gas station

Today’s Feelings

  • really down this morning
  • mildly better this evening

Notes

  • it’s looking like Little Bear will be discharged no later than next Thursday
    • turns out he’s still on the Kapvay
      • they switched it from as needed at night for sleep to daily for impulse control but it’s the same med class as Intuniv, which also caused irritability problems
      • they agreed to take him off the Kapvay completely
    • now both doctors working at the in-patient floor are insisting he has high functioning Autism, so I agreed to have another full neuropsych eval done
      • they now have a neuropsychologist in house
      • if he is on the spectrum and it was just somehow missed last time this means he will finally qualify for the therapy I’ve been struggling to get for him that I know he needs
  • despite all this, I still feel like shit inside
  • trying to get my cellphone reactivated
    • card accepted, but as usual the signal sucks in my area and I’m having trouble completing the process

Friday ~ November 2, 2018

Mood: -0.5 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 1A

Hours of Sleep: bed at 9pm, up at 6am – 9 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 9am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 9am
  • 600mg Ibuprofen @ 9am
  • 600mg Ibuprofen @ 3pm
  • 75mg Topamax @ 9am

Meals

  • 4 cups of coffee
  • 1 cup of Gatorade
  • 1 half of a turkey & cheese sandwich (Little Bear ate the other half)

Today’s Feelings

  • tense and agitated
  • relaxed a bit by end of day

Notes

  • woke up with an aura – not awesome
  • turned off demo mode and launched the online tarot shop!
  • Little Bear was not aggressive today, but was very wired and unfocused

Saturday ~ November 3, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 10pm, up at 6am – 8 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm

Meals

  • 3 cups of coffee
  • 1 bottle of mocha ice coffee
  • 1 ham & cheese sandwich on white w/ 1oz. bag of plain chips

Today’s Feelings

  • hassled

Notes

  • after a bunch of bullshit, managed to work out a tentative plan with the ex-husband for this Christmas vacation for an extended overnight visit with Little Bear and the boys
    • the moment I mentioned this, he tried to go for out of state summer visits which is not what we had even remotely agreed to negotiate in court
      • the moment I mentioned I had found a lawyer familiar with child medical needs that is willing to take payments rather than being on retainer, he backed off
    • if he attempts to screw me over or fucks this up then we will go to court because I am completely done with the bullshit, toxicity, and games
      • I’m only doing this because I’m tired of him showing up on leave and being in my home from sun up to sun down the entire time
        • and even then, while he’s there he doesn’t spend that entire time with the boys and I’m not allowed to speak to anyone or do anything without him being right there hovering – fuck that
          • I need to be able to live my life without feeling policed
  • Little Bear was in a good mood today, very energetic, and very unfocused

If you enjoyed this post, or have some thoughts about it, please let me know!

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