Can’t wait for Christmas vacation to be over.

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Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Irritation Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Anxiety Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1

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Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: ~

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~

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Sunday ~ December 23, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 2:30am, up at 9am – 6.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 9am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 9am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• 3 cups of coffee
• 2 slice of leftover ham
• salad

Today’s Feelings

• happy

Notes

• Tuxedo Cat’s father stopped by to pick up the gift we got for his daughter so he could give it to her on Christmas Eve during her visit with him this holiday season

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Monday ~ December 24, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 1 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 3am, up at 6:30am – 3.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7:30am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7:30am
• 75mg Topamax @ 8pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 8pm

Meals

• 4 cups of coffee
• 2 glasses of milk
• fresh bread
• 2 slices of pizza
• 2 pumpkin cookies

Today’s Feelings

• cheerful

Notes

• worked on wrapping presents today
  • realized that somehow I managed to be uneven with some of the gifts for my boys and had to get some last minute shopping done
    • thought I had bought a book for Tuxedo Cat like I had for the other too, but somehow the book I thought I had bought was no where to be found
  • picked up stocking stuffers for the boys
    • Scholar Owl went with me – this was fun and amusing
• both Scholar Owl and Tuxedo Cat informed me today they have no intentions of going with my ex-husband overnight anywhere during vacation due to my sister coming in from Canada after Christmas Day
  • they want to see their cousins who are close to their age
  • I don’t know if Little Bear feels the same way, he hasn’t said and I haven’t asked so this might get ugly even though legally according to the court order my ex-husband isn’t supposed to get overnights at all
• my ex-husband finally bothered to contact me as to when he plans to actually arrive tomorrow
  • fucking called 5 minutes away from the phone curfew to do this
• watched Jim Carrey’s performance of The Grinch

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Tuesday ~ December 25, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 1 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 3am, up at 8am – 5 hours of sleep

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 8am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 8am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• ? cups of coffee
• turkey dinner
• Xmas cookies

Today’s Feelings

• calm
• mildly stressed

Notes

• the morning went well with the boys and Tuxedo Cat’s father
• afternoon and on got mildly stressed once Little Bear’s father and his family showed up
  • Little Bear acted out
  • my dad got a little bitchy
  • Little Bear’s father pouted somewhat when he realized that due to the lack of his planning things were not going the way he wanted and people weren’t bailing him out
  • found out from Little Bear’s aunt that:
    • she knew all along he was cheating on me – especially with his new wife
    • she wasn’t there the day Little Bear almost drowned like Little Bear’s father claimed
      • found this out when I asked her what happened that day because I still don’t know
      • now she’s pissed
• Little Bear and Tuxedo Cat went over to the cabin Little Bear’s aunt rented to spend the night
  • will be back in the morning since my sister is supposed to be here from Canada
  • also found out his aunt won’t be here all week like his father told me she would be

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Wednesday ~ December 26, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• ? cups of coffee
• 2 slices of leftover pizza
• chips

Today’s Feelings

• calm
• slight overwhelm

Notes

• ex-husband did bring Little Bear and Tuxedo Cat home at 9am
  • he was disappointed to learn that I am holding him to the agreement we had made back in November
    • he had told me there would be at least one other adult with him this week over the entire overnight visit when both his father and sister have told me they aren’t going to even be in the state this week
    • he had also agreed to have a place for them to stay within the 70 mile radius of where Little Bear lives, but then when he showed up he informed me he rented some place in his father’s home town which is well outside of that radius
    • this means that for the rest of the week, there will be no more over nights and unfortunately for him his family won’t be able to provide him transportation to and from the place he rented so he won’t be back this vacation until this weekend
    • both his family and mine are like, “This is on you. You need to start planning ahead.”
      • No one is saving him from his shit anymore.
  • Little Bear for some reason spent a good chunk of the day in a “I hate you, Dad” rampage
    • I don’t know what triggered it most of the time
    • I know at one point it dealt with the rules my ex had sent with his Nintendo Switch: the boys had to either take turns or play together
      • very reasonable rules
      • Little Bear was having none of it
      • he went up stairs to throw a tantrum and then was put off that no one went up there to witness it
        • I was up there to start with, but when he got going I told him that he was free to be miserable and miss out on all the fun if he wanted and I went down stairs
          • you want to punish yourself? knock yourself out
          • told everyone to ignore it, don’t feed into that beast
          • 20 minutes later he came down and played nice for the rest of the day
          • he even cleaned his room today so my sister had a place to stay during her visit this week
  • they left around 5pm since my sister from Canada was due to show up soon
• It really made my day to get a message from Tuxedo Cat’s father asking me if he could come over to visit tonight
  • he came over around 6pm
  • it was really nice to hang out and see him and watch Venom together with the family
    • Tuxedo Cat gave me the movie for Xmas
    • he didn’t watch the movie with us
    • I really enjoyed the movie

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Thursday ~ December 27, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6am – 6 hours total
napped 1:30pm to 6pm – 4.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• ? cups of coffee
• bowl of turkey and stuffing
• Xmas cookies

Today’s Feelings

• happy

Notes

• opened gifts with my Canadian sister’s family
• Little Bear’s father called to say that he would be over tomorrow to visit 12pm-5pm
• went with Tuxedo Cat’s father to see Aquaman
  • enjoyed the movie a lot
  • I think I liked Wonder Woman slightly more, but not by much

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Friday ~ December 28, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 2:30am, up at 6:30am – 4 hours total
napped 4:30pm-6:30pm – 2 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• 4 cups of coffee
• a handful of chips
• 4 Xmas cookies – homemade pumpkin

Today’s Feelings

• happy – early this morning
• mildly content – late this morning

Notes

• snowstorm this morning, expected to turn to freezing rain this afternoon
• why is it I can’t seem to chat with Tuxedo Cat’s father without my ex-husband coming up in the conversation?
  • one of us ends up bringing him up – he’s like a looming storm cloud
    • often me, but sometimes him too
    • yes, it does bother me because it seems like the conversation ends abruptly when this happens
• working on scheduling blog posts today
  • have fallen seriously behind on this
  • preparing and scheduling Daily Draw posts is turning out to be more time consuming and draining than I anticipated
  • I still need to get started on the Chaos Rally posts for 2019
• ex-husband called at 10am to inform me that due to weather that he won’t be visiting today
• Little Bear is having trouble today getting along with his cousins and their parents
  • ultimately he decided to hang out upstairs quietly with me most of the day
  • he ended up staying up late tonight, up to 11:30pm
    • my sister’s kids took issue with it
    • my family though was up late downstairs doing shit in the kitchen and were pretty loud
      • I wasn’t invited to whatever it was

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Saturday ~ December 29, 2018

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 11:30pm night before, up at 6am – 6.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• ? cups of coffee
• handful of chips
• Xmas Cookies
• bowl of turkey and stuffing

Today’s Feelings

• stressed

Notes

• started working on blog first thing this morning
• ex-husband arrived at 11am and stayed until 6pm
  • never could quite catch what happened most of the day but Little Bear kept setting off while he was with his father
    • at one point I had to restrain my child after I did catch my ex say to “Just go upstairs and take your medicine.”
      • Little Bear only takes his meds at 7am and 7pm and has 2 PRNs
        • you don’t use the PRN on someone just because they annoy you
        • him saying this was the breaking point though and I did have to use the PRN after the restraint
    • Dad went grocery shopping today and said he would be back around 4-5pm and my ex made sure Little Bear was playing on the console he wasn’t allowed to as my father walked in while I was busy in another room
      • hell broke loose, but my father managed it well
      • father remembered telling Little Bear during my ex’s last visit earlier this week he wasn’t allowed on it and my ex today said he didn’t know so my dad told me that my son was set up to get in trouble so that my father would be the bad guy
        • this is what my ex does
        • and my son doesn’t see that right now because my son doesn’t like my dad’s rules so they don’t get along right now anyway

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