Tode’s Weekly Assessment 2019-09

This week things have improved, along with my mood, despite me being too distracted to properly document details.


Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Irritation Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Anxiety Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1


Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: ~

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~

Chaos Rally: moderate resources by integrating changes into daily habits to overcome a poverty mindset with an open heart.


Sunday ~ February 24, 2019

Daily Draw: Ten of Swords

Mood: -2 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 1

Hours of Sleep: slept off and on all day yesterday, up at 6:30am – ? hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 600mg Ibuprofen @ 10:30am
  • 600mg Ibuprofen @ 5pm
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • 2 cups of coffee
  • a handful of saltine crackers

Today’s Feelings

  • miserable

Notes

  • woke up with a headache, but I doubt I’ll be able to keep meds down
  • Scheduled Daily Draw posts for Week 9
  • it’s snowing again this morning
  • headache became a migraine
    • can I just crawl under a rock and die?
  • Tuxedo Cat’s father didn’t come to visit today
    • this of course triggered disappointment and feelings of being brushed off in me and naturally when I expressed that, it created friction between us
      • perhaps it would have been better to keep my shit to myself
      • he has enough on his plate to deal with
        • I don’t need to be an extra burden
          • he said he didn’t like it that I seem to be so upset so often
            • you can’t tell someone you don’t love them and then expect them to be happy
              • it isn’t for a lack of trying on my end, trust me
    • so much for being here and giving me the hug I said I needed Friday
      • he claims he remembered
      • we talked a bit further about intentions – or rather, I tried to
        • just once I’d like a direct answer

Monday ~ February 25, 2019

Daily Draw: King of Wands

Mood: -2 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: no sleep

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 10am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 10am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 10am
  • filled both vape wells @ 10am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • 1 cups of coffee
    • seems I forgot to properly document food intake because I know we had dinner together

Today’s Feelings

Notes

  • Tuxedo Cat’s father needed a ride to work from me this morning and of course, he seemed just fine on messenger – like nothing happened between us last night
    • later in the day we talked more in-depth about this and I worded the question differently
      • partly because I retook the attachment style assessment quiz earlier in the day and my results showed that I had shifted into a fearful attachment style across the board
        • essentially a scarcity mindset in all my relationships
      • wasn’t asking about his feelings for me or about this relationship, was asking what his purpose/goal is in being in it is
        • in other words, I asked him directly if he was in this to fuck around or if he was in this for the long term
          • he said he wanted to see if this is something that will develop into something serious
            • I’m good with that
            • now mind you if he wasn’t interested in long term I wouldn’t hold it against him, it’s just I wouldn’t let him lock me down
              • want to fuck around? nothing wrong with that so long as I’m free to do the same

Tuesday ~ February 26, 2019

Daily Draw: Four of Cups

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep:

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

Meals

Today’s Feelings

Notes

  • I failed to document anything, but I spent nearly the entire day with Tuxedo Cat’s father
    • yes, I took my meds
    • we watched Tuxedo Cat play basketball as a family
    • he bought fried chicken for me to cook for dinner
    • was a pleasant day of running around overall
  • I did have therapy by myself
    • I’ve come to the realization that becoming my best self currently involves developing an authentic version of what I remember of my inner Aphrodite
      • not the delusion mind you, but the real confidence I had back then
    • also realized that the only way to shift out of the current fearful attachment style I’m in is to start creating abundance in my life
      • doesn’t matter what created this scarcity mindset

Wednesday ~ February 27, 2019

Daily Draw: Three of Swords

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at ?, up at 6:45am – ? total hours

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • filled both vape wells @ 8am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • 3 cups of coffee
  • everything french bread
  • cottage cheese with tropical fruit

Today’s Feelings

  • upbeat and resolved
  • mildly stressed
  • content

Notes

  • Tuxedo Cat’s father spent the night last night
  • Dad acted like it was a bad thing that I filled my vape sticks every other day
    • not sure why it matters to him when he doesn’t pay for the supplies
    • even if I do end up buying one bottle of fluid per month, that would come out to be as much or less than what it was costing me to roll cigarettes per month
      • $30 tobacco supplies
      • $20 bottle of fluid, $10 for the refillable wick & fluid tank cartridge
        • cartridge only needs to be replaced if the wick burns up and that’s only if I don’t pay attention and light it up when the tank is dry
        • there are more expensive bottles, but they are bigger too
  • he got the loaner car back today
  • took Little Bear to his OT appointment
  • Tuxedo Cat had another game that wasn’t on the schedule that none of us knew about so we missed it and I had to pick him up from the school after the fact
    • this pissed me and his father off
    • we would have liked to have gone to see him play
  • Tuxedo Cat’s father came over to visit this evening for dinner and watched more episodes of Designated Survivor on Netflix with me
    • the series is turning out to be really good – I recommend it
    • I ended up falling asleep on him
    • he didn’t spend the night, but that’s okay
  • finished reading The Maze Runner
    • was really good
    • want the rest of the series now

Thursday ~ February 28, 2019

Daily Draw: Vesta

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • forgot PM meds

Meals

  • 5 cup of coffee
  • cottage cheese and canned diced mangoes
  • pancakes

Today’s Feelings

  • calm

Notes

  • worked on blog today
    • Scheduled Chaos Rally #09
    • Scheduled Daily Draw posts for week 10
  • Tuxedo Cat’s father came over for dinner and we watched more episodes of Designated Survivor together
    • and of course, I fell asleep on him

Friday ~ March 1, 2019

Daily Draw: Nine of Pentacles

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 8am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 8am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 8am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • 4 cup of coffee
  • handful of chips

Today’s Feelings

  • calm, but perplexed

Notes

  • noticing lately that scheduled posts are not publishing on time like they should be
    • no idea what is causing this and I don’t like how I have to go into edit mode and manually click the publish button to make it happen hours after it was supposed to have published automatically
    • not all of them, just a few and randomly
    • seems to be connected to whether or not I have multiple WordPress tabs open
      • why should this even matter?
      • I like having my mood tracker open in the editor at all times while I work on other stuff
  • worked on blog today
    • Scheduled Daily Draw posts for week 11
  • got a load of laundry done
  • Little Bear’s med clinic appointment went well
    • weight has stabilized, BMI is still within normal range
  • this evening I decided to work on achievement in RE2 Remake some more for relaxation

Saturday ~ March 2, 2019

Daily Draw: Ace of Cups

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 4am, up at 1pm – 9 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • filled one vape tank @ 1pm with the 35mg mint
    • just before bed I think I might have burnt the wick a bit, so I’ll have to see if it’s still good down the road
  • missed AM meds
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • 4 cups of coffee
  • chicken Alfredo pasta

Today’s Feelings

  • calm and content

Notes

  • went grocery shopping this afternoon
  • set up med boxes for next week
  • played RE2 Remake for the evening
    • like all night

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