This week things have improved, along with my mood, despite me being too distracted to properly document details.

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Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Irritation Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Anxiety Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1

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Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: ~

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~

Chaos Rally: moderate resources by integrating changes into daily habits to overcome a poverty mindset with an open heart.

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Sunday ~ February 24, 2019

Daily Draw: Ten of Swords

Mood: -2 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 1

Hours of Sleep: slept off and on all day yesterday, up at 6:30am – ? hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 600mg Ibuprofen @ 10:30am
• 600mg Ibuprofen @ 5pm
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• 2 cups of coffee
• a handful of saltine crackers

Today’s Feelings

• miserable

Notes

• woke up with a headache, but I doubt I’ll be able to keep meds down
• Scheduled Daily Draw posts for Week 9
• it’s snowing again this morning
• headache became a migraine
  • can I just crawl under a rock and die?
• Tuxedo Cat’s father didn’t come to visit today
  • this of course triggered disappointment and feelings of being brushed off in me and naturally when I expressed that, it created friction between us
    • perhaps it would have been better to keep my shit to myself
    • he has enough on his plate to deal with
      • I don’t need to be an extra burden
        • he said he didn’t like it that I seem to be so upset so often
          • you can’t tell someone you don’t love them and then expect them to be happy
            • it isn’t for a lack of trying on my end, trust me
  • so much for being here and giving me the hug I said I needed Friday
    • he claims he remembered
    • we talked a bit further about intentions – or rather, I tried to
      • just once I’d like a direct answer

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Monday ~ February 25, 2019

Daily Draw: King of Wands

Mood: -2 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: no sleep

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 10am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 10am
• 1 multivitamin @ 10am
• filled both vape wells @ 10am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• 1 cups of coffee
  • seems I forgot to properly document food intake because I know we had dinner together

Today’s Feelings

Notes

• Tuxedo Cat’s father needed a ride to work from me this morning and of course, he seemed just fine on messenger – like nothing happened between us last night
  • later in the day we talked more in-depth about this and I worded the question differently
    • partly because I retook the attachment style assessment quiz earlier in the day and my results showed that I had shifted into a fearful attachment style across the board
      • essentially a scarcity mindset in all my relationships
    • wasn’t asking about his feelings for me or about this relationship, was asking what his purpose/goal is in being in it is
      • in other words, I asked him directly if he was in this to fuck around or if he was in this for the long term
        • he said he wanted to see if this is something that will develop into something serious
          • I’m good with that
          • now mind you if he wasn’t interested in long term I wouldn’t hold it against him, it’s just I wouldn’t let him lock me down
            • want to fuck around? nothing wrong with that so long as I’m free to do the same

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Tuesday ~ February 26, 2019

Daily Draw: Four of Cups

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep:

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

Meals

Today’s Feelings

Notes

• I failed to document anything, but I spent nearly the entire day with Tuxedo Cat’s father
  • yes, I took my meds
  • we watched Tuxedo Cat play basketball as a family
  • he bought fried chicken for me to cook for dinner
  • was a pleasant day of running around overall
• I did have therapy by myself
  • I’ve come to the realization that becoming my best self currently involves developing an authentic version of what I remember of my inner Aphrodite
    • not the delusion mind you, but the real confidence I had back then
  • also realized that the only way to shift out of the current fearful attachment style I’m in is to start creating abundance in my life
    • doesn’t matter what created this scarcity mindset

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Wednesday ~ February 27, 2019

Daily Draw: Three of Swords

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at ?, up at 6:45am – ? total hours

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
• filled both vape wells @ 8am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• 3 cups of coffee
• everything french bread
• cottage cheese with tropical fruit

Today’s Feelings

• upbeat and resolved
• mildly stressed
• content

Notes

• Tuxedo Cat’s father spent the night last night
• Dad acted like it was a bad thing that I filled my vape sticks every other day
  • not sure why it matters to him when he doesn’t pay for the supplies
  • even if I do end up buying one bottle of fluid per month, that would come out to be as much or less than what it was costing me to roll cigarettes per month
    • $30 tobacco supplies
    • $20 bottle of fluid, $10 for the refillable wick & fluid tank cartridge
      • cartridge only needs to be replaced if the wick burns up and that’s only if I don’t pay attention and light it up when the tank is dry
      • there are more expensive bottles, but they are bigger too
• he got the loaner car back today
• took Little Bear to his OT appointment
• Tuxedo Cat had another game that wasn’t on the schedule that none of us knew about so we missed it and I had to pick him up from the school after the fact
  • this pissed me and his father off
  • we would have liked to have gone to see him play
• Tuxedo Cat’s father came over to visit this evening for dinner and watched more episodes of Designated Survivor on Netflix with me
  • the series is turning out to be really good – I recommend it
  • I ended up falling asleep on him
  • he didn’t spend the night, but that’s okay
• finished reading The Maze Runner
  • was really good
  • want the rest of the series now

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Thursday ~ February 28, 2019

Daily Draw: Vesta

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
• 1 multivitamin @ 7am
• forgot PM meds

Meals

• 5 cup of coffee
• cottage cheese and canned diced mangoes
• pancakes

Today’s Feelings

• calm

Notes

• worked on blog today
  • Scheduled Chaos Rally #09
  • Scheduled Daily Draw posts for week 10
• Tuxedo Cat’s father came over for dinner and we watched more episodes of Designated Survivor together
  • and of course, I fell asleep on him

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Friday ~ March 1, 2019

Daily Draw: Nine of Pentacles

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 8am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 8am
• 1 multivitamin @ 8am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• 4 cup of coffee
• handful of chips

Today’s Feelings

• calm, but perplexed

Notes

• noticing lately that scheduled posts are not publishing on time like they should be
  • no idea what is causing this and I don’t like how I have to go into edit mode and manually click the publish button to make it happen hours after it was supposed to have published automatically
  • not all of them, just a few and randomly
  • seems to be connected to whether or not I have multiple WordPress tabs open
    • why should this even matter?
    • I like having my mood tracker open in the editor at all times while I work on other stuff
• worked on blog today
  • Scheduled Daily Draw posts for week 11
• got a load of laundry done
• Little Bear’s med clinic appointment went well
  • weight has stabilized, BMI is still within normal range
• this evening I decided to work on achievement in RE2 Remake some more for relaxation

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Saturday ~ March 2, 2019

Daily Draw: Ace of Cups

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 4am, up at 1pm – 9 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• filled one vape tank @ 1pm with the 35mg mint
  • just before bed I think I might have burnt the wick a bit, so I’ll have to see if it’s still good down the road
• missed AM meds
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• 4 cups of coffee
• chicken Alfredo pasta

Today’s Feelings

• calm and content

Notes

• went grocery shopping this afternoon
• set up med boxes for next week
• played RE2 Remake for the evening
  • like all night

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