Tode’s Weekly Assessment 2019-14

It’s been a really good week.


Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Irritation Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Anxiety Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1


Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: ~

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~

Chaos Rally


Sunday ~ March 31, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 10pm night before, up at 6am – 8 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • recharging vape stick (tobacco) @ 10am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:30pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7:30pm
  • refill vape well (mint) @ 9pm

Meals

  • 3 cups of coffee
  • 2 cups Gatorade
  • 3 Cheeseburgers

Today’s Feelings

  • calm this morning
  • happy

Notes

  • went over the free webinar coaching mindset videos by Rob Dial on Facebook this morning and took notes
    • nothing super surprising in there for me, but I did get some insight on how the comfort zone works with the subconscious and why it’s self limiting
      • I did finally understand why the fear of success is truly a thing
        • since we all believe to some extent at our core that we are not enough, the fear of success stems from the belief that we even though we might be fully capable of getting there, we aren’t capable of staying there
          • THIS resonated with me deeply since how often has some part of me said, “Why try if I can’t keep it?”
            • this is a part of me that needs to change
  • watched the free Tony Robbins life coach training videos
    • very interesting and encouraging
  • Tuxedo Cat’s father came over and spent the night
    • he played Uno with the boys
      • Little Bear actually got along with everyone!
    • watched Spider-Man into the Spiderverse – very entertaining
    • it came out randomly that he loves me and it freaked him out a bit
      • it made me uneasy until he said he wasn’t taking it back

Monday ~ April 01, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 1h

Hours of Sleep:

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 600mg Ibuprofen @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:30am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7:30am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 7:30am
  • recharging vape stick (mint) @ 8am
  • refill vape well (tobacco) @ 8am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm
  • recharging vape stick (tobacco) @ 9pm

Meals

  • 4 cups of coffee
  • 2 cups Gatorade
  • Baked Chicken Alfredo with garlic bread
  • ice cream cake

Today’s Feelings

  • happy

Notes

  • today is Tuxedo Cat’s father’s birthday party
    • wrapping paper
    • need ice cream cake
    • need to make baked Chicken Alfredo with Garlic Bread
      • this isn’t something I normally make from scratch, so I’m hoping I don’t wreck it
      • family tradition is to prepare a dinner of the person of honor’s choice
        • he’s really looking forward to this
        • it’s been a long time since he’s been able to take part in this
  • added more tobacco flavored liquid to my tobacco/mint vape blend, hopefully it will taste better
  • worked on blog 8am to 11am
    • worked on Emotional Tarot with Ace of Pentacles
    • updated images for Tarot Thursdays Suit of Cups
    • updated images for Emotional Tarot for Suit of Cups
      • I am NOT liking how the thumbnails are tiling at all
  • Tuxedo Cat’s father was very happy with his party
    • my parents gave me shit for “cheating” with the cooking because I used sauce from a jar instead of making that from scratch – much to his confusion
      • this is the life I have grown up in: if I had made it from scratch, there would have been something wrong with it, trust me

Tuesday ~ April 02, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6am – 6 hours total
napped 1pm-5pm – 4 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm
  • refill vape well (mint) @ 8pm

Meals

  • 4 cups of coffee
  • 4 cups Gatorade
  • 1 bowl of leftover Alfredo

Today’s Feelings

  • content

Notes

  • Therapy Tuesday
  • Little Bear and my dad got into a fight – over my damn blanket downstairs
    • come to find out my son didn’t realize the blanket was mine and that I had two of them that looked alike and was trying to explain we had one like it already upstairs
    • Dad wasn’t taking the time to listen to what my son was saying and just blew up at him for not following instructions right away
    • needless to say… they both blew up at each other
      • none of this would have happened if someone had taken the time to just LISTEN instead of focusing on being RIGHT

Wednesday ~ April 03, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 2:30am, up at 6:30am – 4 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • recharging vape stick (mint) @ 12am
  • refill vape well (tobacco) @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 8am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 8am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 8am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm
  • recharging vape stick (tobacco) @ 8pm

Meals

  • 2 cups of coffee
  • garlic bread

Today’s Feelings

  • calm
  • disappointed

Notes

  • breakfast with Tuxedo Cat’s father
    • bumped into Piggy and her hubby while we were out
    • he planned to see me after work tonight
  • got my car re-registered on my way back home
  • Little Bear’s OT today
  • finished writing Emotional Tarot for Ace of Pentacles
    • didn’t realize I had scheduled it to go up before I finished writing it, so it went up unfinished – embarrassing
  • Tuxedo Cat’s father wasn’t able to come visit tonight due to circumstances involving work – he claimed to be tired but he sounded mostly distraught

Thursday ~ April 04, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 8am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 8am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 8am
  • recharging vape stick (mint) @ 8am
  • refill vape well (tobacco) @ 1pm
  • recharging vape stick (tobacco) @ 3:45pm
  • refill vape well (mint) @ 3:45pm
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • 3 cups of coffee
  • roast beef sub and 1oz. bag of BBQ chips

Today’s Feelings

  • calm

Notes

  • worked on blog 7:30am to 4pm
    • update images on Tarot Thursday posts for suit of wands
    • update images on Emotional Tarot for suit of wands
    • update images on Tarot Thursday post for suit of pentacles
    • update images on Tarot Thursday post for suit of swords
    • update images on Tarot Thursday post for the major arcana
    • update images on misc. tarot related posts
  • music lessons for the boys today
    • Tuxedo Cat’s father took them and then ran into car problems
      • fortunately it was a simple fix – battery connectors were loose
        • just took some time to figure out
  • Tuxedo Cat’s father did intend to hang out this evening, but had to attend to his sick daughter instead
    • her mother insisted he take her to ER for a check up
      • I can’t fault the concern since chest colds and asthma are a bad mix
      • what I don’t like is seeing him so wound up, but what can you do?
        • that’s like telling me not to worry about Little Bear when he’s having an episode
          • I can’t NOT worry; I’m going to because he’s my baby

Friday ~ April 05, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6:30am – 5.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 8pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 8pm
  • no idea when vapes were refilled or recharged (mint one did get refilled at night)

Meals

  • ? cups of coffee
  • gorged myself on these mini raspberry danish type cakes – about 6 of them
  • Mexican food – Tacquitos and Chimichangas (spelling is probably bad)

Today’s Feelings

  • ups and downs today, but ended happy

Notes

  • dinked around on an astrology website all day – could not focus on anything productive
  • had a brief argument/misunderstanding with Tuxedo Cat’s father over the conversation that occurred Sunday this week
    • I thought he was taking it back, so I spiraled into a panic which in turn made him feel attacked
      • we not only got sorted but also addressed the imbalance of unmet needs
        • when you score a 11/12 in one of the love languages it’s a serious need for that person
          • it basically means that if love isn’t expressed in that way, it’s not real
            • specifically for me with Words of Affirmation: if emotions are not put into words, they’re not real
              • and I’ve learned this is the primary way I avoid dealing with my shit: by not naming and claiming what I feel
              • so yes, hearing “I love you” is as much of a basic need for me as needing a hug
                • there isn’t a special reason or a trigger for it
                • it’s just a need I have
                • these words are ultra rare in my parents’ home for some reason
                  • even to each other
                  • hell, feelings are rarely spoken at all

Saturday ~ April 06, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0h ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 1h

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6am but lingered in and out of sleep until 9am – 9 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • forgot AM meds
  • recharging vape stick (tobacco) @ 3:30pm
  • refill vape well (mint) @ 3:30pm
  • yeah, forgot PM meds too

Meals

  • ? cups of coffee
  • 1 cup of coffee lightly spiked with rum
  • ribs and Mexican party food

Today’s Feelings

  • content

Notes

  • continued to dink around while catching up on laundry
  • dinner party with Tuxedo Cat’s father and his friends
    • a couple of them work in the field of human behavior so I found myself in excellent company
  • paid the price for not taking my meds
    • ended up having a low grade headache all night

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