Toad’s Weekly Assessment 2019-15

I have spent most of this week feeling terribly worn down and exhausted, wanting to do nothing but sleep. Not sure why that is. Don’t know yet if I’m coming down with something or if I’m sliding into depression. I don’t feel down emotionally, I don’t think, but I do physically.


Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Irritation Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Anxiety Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1


Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: ~

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~

Chaos Rally


Sunday ~ April 07, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 1

Hours of Sleep: bed at 1am, up at 8am – 7 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 8:30am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 8:30am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 8:30am
  • 600mg Ibuprofen @ 10am
  • 600mg Ibuprofen @ 6pm
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm
  • recharged vape stick (mint) @ 8pm

Meals

  • 2 cups of coffee
  • raspberries and whipped cream
  • the rest of my roast beef sub (4 in.)
  • bowl of leftover chicken Alfredo
  • half a loaf of French garlic bread

Today’s Feelings

  • content

Notes

  • trying to finish up on the laundry today
    • ha, ha… with three boys in the house we all know this is a losing battle
  • scheduled Emotional Tarot for this Tuesday
  • spent the evening with Tuxedo Cat’s father playing Red Dead Redemption Undead Nightmare
    • seems pretty cool actually
  • finished watching the murder documentary we started watching on his birthday just before he went home
    • only mildly disappointed he went home after all that
    • was really hoping for at least cuddle time

Monday ~ April 08, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0A

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 5:30am – 5.5 total hours
bed at 6am, up at 10am – 4 total hours

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 11am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 11am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 11am
  • recharged vape stick (tobacco) @ 12pm
  • refilled vape stick (mint) @ 12pm
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm
  • recharged vape stick (mint) @ 9pm

Meals

  • 3 cups of coffee
  • 4 cups of Gatorade
  • 2pkgs. instant oatmeal w/ slices buttered oat grain toast
  • 12 chicken tacquitos

Today’s Feelings

  • content

Notes

  • snow day for public school
  • work on blog 12:30pm to 2:30pm and 3:30pm to 5pm
    • finished scheduling Emotional Tarot posts for April
    • began scheduling Emotional Tarot post for May
  • hung out with Tuxedo Cat’s father
    • played Red Dead Redemption Undead Nightmare
    • watched Crimes of Griselwald

Tuesday ~ April 09, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 11:30pm night before, up at 6am – 6.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • recharged vape stick (tobacco) @ 9:45am
  • refilled vape stick (mint) @ 10am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm
  • recharged vape stick (tobacco) @ 10pm

Meals

  • 4 cups of coffee
  • 2 cups Gatorade
  • 6 mini cheese crumb cakes
  • 6 beef tacquitos
  • 1 mini meat pizza

Today’s Feelings

  • content

Notes

  • work on blog 7:30am to 8:30am and 9am to 12:30pm
    • scheduled Chaos Rally #15
  • Scholar Owl has come down with a GI bug
    • my mother for some reason spouted off about appendicitis even though Little Bear had the same damn symptoms not too long ago
      • seriously, I don’t know why she does this
      • and of course she wanted to pound him right full of fucking meds
        • believe it or not, the best treatment is to keep fluids in the person and let it run its course
        • both my parents wanted to pump him full of Pepto-Bismol
          • it’s only intended for nausea if you overindulged in food
            • this is why it never worked for me as a kid
            • and why it wouldn’t have been helpful for my son’s dry heave’s today
    • based on the conversation I had with my son and the hivey rash he has on his body, he’s having an allergic reaction to something again
      • we think it’s the blue raspberry drink mix but the ingredients list “natural flavors” so who the hell knows what’s in it
      • he had a similar reaction to a blue raspberry fruit punch a couple of years ago back when we lived in that scummy apartment
    • half an hour after taking some Benedryl, he was fine
      • vomiting stopped
      • hives went away
  • spent the evening playing Red Dead Redemption Undead Nightmare
    • not sure why the game is so glitchy on the Xbox One Arcade, but it is
  • snowed all night

Wednesday ~ April 10, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 3am, up at 9am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 9:30am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 9:30am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 9:30am
  • refilled vape stick (tobacco) @ 9:30am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm
  • recharged vape stick (tobacco) @ sometime in the evening

Meals

  • 3 cups of coffee
  • 32oz. Gatorade
  • chicken nuggets, fries, and fresh broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, and snow peas with Greek yogurt ranch dip

Today’s Feelings

  • calm, yet unmotivated

Notes

  • cancelled Little Bear’s OT due to road conditions
  • Special Olympic’s practice
  • got birthday gift shopping done for Scholar Owl’s upcoming birthday party this weekend
    • can’t believe he’s going to be 18 years old this year
  • hung out with Tuxedo Cat’s father and watched him finish Red Dead Redemption Undead Nightmare
    • the story ended incompletely, I shouldn’t have been surprised for a spin off of the series but it was disappointing just the same
      • it just kind of left you hanging with a few unanswered questions I felt

Thursday ~ April 11, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 11:30pm night before, up at 6am – 6.5 hours total
napped – honestly, I don’t know… but it was most of the day until Tuxedo Cat’s father got here at 4pm

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 9:30am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 9:30am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 9:30am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • 3 cups of coffee
  • 32oz. Gatorade
  • 4 chicken tacquitos
  • a handful of mini brownies

Today’s Feelings

  • worn down for some reason

Notes

  • super lazy day today
  • music lessons
  • spent the evening watching Naruto with Tuxedo Cat’s father
    • happy that he enjoyed the beginning of this anime series
    • I have all 9 seasons on DVD

Friday ~ April 12, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 11pm night before, up at 6am – 7 hours total
napped 3pm to 6:30pm – 3.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • 1 cups of coffee
  • 32oz. Gatorade x2
  • the rest of the mini brownies in that container – did share a few with Little Bear

Today’s Feelings

  • woke up feeling blah for some reason

Notes

  • also woke up with the persistent thought that the only reason Tuxedo Cat’s father is with me is my food
    • given the fact all I want to do is sleep and I’m plagued with this blah feeling all week, I think it’s safe to say this is a disordered thought since I have no idea where it’s coming from
      • seriously, I have known him for years – why would he suddenly be using me after all this time?
        • and for food of all things?
        • I’m telling you the brain can be fucking weird at times
    • he is one of the most helpful people I have ever met
      • and not just to me, but so many others
      • so it bothers me when I get weird ass thoughts like this that do not align with behavior
  • still having problems with scheduled posts not publishing on time
    • very annoying and beyond disappointing
      • paying for a business account and my content is not going up on time
  • went grocery shopping with Little Bear and Scholar Owl for the birthday dinner this weekend

Saturday ~ April 13, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0

Hours of Sleep:

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 9am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 9am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 9am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • 2 cups of coffee
  • 32oz. Gatorade
  • 2 cheeseburgers on buns with lettuce, tomatoes, and onions
  • pasta salad
  • chocolate cake

Today’s Feelings

  • content
  • proud

Notes

  • the party went well despite my dad being his usual grumpy self
    • he had to spend the entire time yelling at my brother’s kids for being kids
      • most of the time the babies for crying
      • heaven forbid any of them were even a little bit loud
      • and God forbid if any of them even so much as walked fast, never mind run
    • he didn’t even wait for Tuxedo Cat’s father to leave before he started bitching about her daughter being louder than the rest of them when in reality she wasn’t any different, he just noticed her more because she was new to him
      • I really wish my father could see the anxiety he was creating in these kids today
  • found out Little Bear has been peeing in the trash can upstairs in my room every time my dad has confined him upstairs because he has been convinced that he can’t even come down to do that
    • and this is why I keep telling him I don’t want him disciplining my children because they have a medical care plan that he does want to be a part of
  • spoke with both Scholar Owl and Tuxedo Cat’s father about how I feel like doing the Daily Draw is sucking the time and energy out of me
    • yes I do feel tarot inspired wellness advice is useful to some people, but as a daily post on my blog I feel it’s hindering my ability to work on anything else and I am not happy about that – at all
    • both suggested I try dialing it back to once a week, which I may start doing
  • I also want to take a moment to express how ridiculously proud I am of my son, Scholar Owl, and how he is turning out as a person
    • I hope he finds great happiness in life

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