Long, rough week. School started. Life could be better. Wishing life was better. Needing life to be better.
Mood Score Key:
Sliding Hypomania = 1 ~ Hypomania = 2 ~ Mania = 3 ~ Baseline (My Normal) = 0
Sliding Depression = -1 ~ Depression = -2 ~ Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State
Energy Score Key:
Low = -1 ~ Normal = 0 ~ High = 1
Irritation Score Key:
None = 0 ~ Mild = 1 ~ Moderate = 2 ~ Severe = 3
Anxiety Score Key:
None = 0 ~ Mild = 1 ~ Moderate = 2 ~ Severe = 3
Migraine Score Key:
None = 0 ~ Mild = 1 ~ Moderate = 2 ~ Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A ~ Normal Headache Pain or Pressure = h
Joint Pain Score Key:
None = 0 ~ Mild = 1 ~ Moderate = 2 ~ Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Tingling = T
Sleep Quality Score Key:
Bad = -1 ~ Normal = 0 ~ Great = 1
Special Notes for the Week
Menses Start Date: 08/25/19 (29 days)
Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~
Sunday ~ August 25, 2019
Mood: -0.5 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 2T
Hours of Sleep: bed at 4am, up at 8:30am – 4.5 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- refilled vape box (vanilla tobacco 35mg) @ 2:30am
- 250mg Depakote @ 9am
- 75mg Topamax @ 9am
- 10mg Propranolol @ 9am
- 1 multivitamin @ 9am
- 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 9am
- 250mg Depakote @ 7pm
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
- 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm
- refilled vape box (vanilla tobacco 35mg) @ 9pm
Meals
- 3 cups of coffee
- 3 chicken burgers with lettuce, tomato, onion on a bun
- golden honeydew
Today’s Feelings
- content
Notes
- worked on more of the free readings over at Tarot, Tea, & Me
- Iron Knight came over to visit
- we watched Detective Pikachu with Little Bear
- and no, he didn’t spend the night
- left shoulder blade has been bothering me big time since late Thursday night, grocery shopping tonight made it worse
- private notes
Monday ~ August 26, 2019
Mood: -0.5 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 1T
Hours of Sleep: bed at 12am, up at 6am – 6 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 250mg Depakote @ 7am
- 75mg Topamax @ 7am
- 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
- 1 multivitamin @ 7am
- 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7am
- refilled vape box (vanilla tobacco 35mg) @ 10am
- 250mg Depakote @ 7pm
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
- 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm
Meals
- 3 cups of coffee
Today’s Feelings
- content this morning
- sorrowful this evening
Notes
- my mother picked a fight with me today
- apparently I am breaking her rules and have been since the day we moved in
- and it’s my fault that she decided not to talk to me about it until now
- and according to her, because of this, she has every right to unleash her fury upon me about it
- yes, she said that
- and according to her, because of this, she has every right to unleash her fury upon me about it
- and it’s my fault that she decided not to talk to me about it until now
- and now she is giving me the silent treatment
- I am so tired of people treating me like I have the fucking plague for shit that is beyond my control
- apparently I am breaking her rules and have been since the day we moved in
- had a long conversation with Iron Knight over the phone tonight
- I’m not happy with the way things are – I feel friend-zoned at this point
- he can choose to grow and evolve with me or not, but I cannot stay in this box he’s trying to put me in
- he has a very limited time to think about it
- he can choose to grow and evolve with me or not, but I cannot stay in this box he’s trying to put me in
- I’m not happy with the way things are – I feel friend-zoned at this point
- finished all the free Celtic Cross readings over at Tarot, Tea, & Me
Tuesday ~ August 27, 2019
Mood: -0.5 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 1T
Hours of Sleep: bed at 11pm, up at 6am – 7 hours total
napped 4:30pm to 6pm – 1.5 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- refilled vape box (vanilla tobacco 35mg) @ 8am
- 250mg Depakote @ 9:30am
- 75mg Topamax @ 9:30am
- 10mg Propranolol @ 9:30am
- 1 multivitamin @ 9:30am
- 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 9:30am
- 250mg Depakote @ 7pm
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
- 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm
Meals
- 2 cup of coffee
- 2 chicken burgers with cheese
Today’s Feelings
- numb
Notes
- as of this morning, my mother is still giving me the silent treatment
- and this is the way it has been my entire life with her
- yet people wonder why I feel the way I do about her
- and this is the way it has been my entire life with her
- Little Bear’s first day of school
- Therapy Tuesday
Wednesday ~ August 28, 2019
Mood: -1 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 2 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 1T
Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6am – 6 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 250mg Depakote @ 7am
- 75mg Topamax @ 7am
- 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
- 1 multivitamin @ 7am
- 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7am
- refilled vape box (vanilla tobacco 35mg) @ 9am
- recharged vape box @ 11:30am
- 250mg Depakote @ 7pm
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
- 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm
Meals
- 3 cups of coffee
- 3 slices of fresh cantaloupe
Today’s Feelings
- just… whatever
Notes
- right out the gate this morning I got into an argument over a misunderstanding with Iron Knight
- and of course, come time for his break he asked me if we could start this morning over (like nothing happened… I guess? because I never got an apology for the anger I was hit with)
- we went over the issue of misunderstanding during his lunch break
- still no apology
- yet another misunderstanding this evening
- took Little Bear to OT
- I got nothing fucking done today – I feel like shit
- private notes
Thursday ~ August 29, 2019
Mood: -1 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 1 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 1T
Hours of Sleep: bed at 10pm the night before, up at 4am – 6 total hours
napped 1pm to 3:30pm – 2.5 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 250mg Depakote @ 7am
- 75mg Topamax @ 7am
- 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
- 1 multivitamin @ 7am
- 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7am
- 250mg Depakote @ 7pm
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
- 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm
- 500mg Metronidazole @ 7pm
Meals
- 3 cups of coffee
- 2 chicken burgers with cheese, sauteed peppers and onions, and ranch dressing on a bun
Today’s Feelings
- calm
- sad
Notes
- drafted Chaos Rally #44
- drafted Chaos Rally #45
- finally got the antibiotic I need after getting the lab results from last Friday
- fucking doctor tried to tell me this shit was “hormonal”
- no details on this one – I’ll be fine – the doctor was just wrong
- fucking doctor tried to tell me this shit was “hormonal”
- Iron Knight and I appear to be completely, and officially, over – perhaps forever
- I’ve spent this entire month feeling friend zoned and I’m not happy with it and he’s unwilling to make any changes
- he wanted things to stay the way they were
- I’ve spent this entire month feeling friend zoned and I’m not happy with it and he’s unwilling to make any changes
Friday ~ August 30, 2019
Mood: -1 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 1T
Hours of Sleep: bed at 11pm night before, up at 6am – 7 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 250mg Depakote @ 7am
- 75mg Topamax @ 7am
- 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
- 500mg Metronidazole @ 7am
- 1 multivitamin @ 7am
- 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7am
- 250mg Depakote @ 8:30pm
- 75mg Topamax @ 8:30pm
- 10mg Propranolol @ 8:30pm
- 500mg Metronidazole @ 7pm
Meals
- 3 cups of coffee
- 2 chicken burgers on buns with sauteed onions and peppers
Today’s Feelings
- heartbroken and burnt out
Notes
- and of course, I’m collapsing into pull mode
- I’m not happy with the way things are, but I’m not happy about leaving him either – and of course, he has already shut the door
- I really should just turn off the light and walk the fuck away
- I’m not happy with the way things are, but I’m not happy about leaving him either – and of course, he has already shut the door
- drafted Chaos Rally #47
Saturday ~ August 31, 2019
Mood: -0.5 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 1 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 1T
Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6:30am – 6.5 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 250mg Depakote @ 7am
- 75mg Topamax @ 7am
- 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
- 500mg Metronidazole @ 7am
- 1 multivitamin @ 7am
- 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7am
- 250mg Depakote @ 7pm
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
- 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm
- 500mg Metronidazole @ 7pm
Meals
- last night’s leftover coffee
- 3 cups of coffee
- ? cups of Gatorade
- roast beef sub and green salad
- cheese, salami, crackers and olives
- mozzarella wrapped in salami
Today’s Feelings
- numb this morning
- content
Notes
- private notes
- drafted Chaos Rally #48
- drafted Chaos Rally #49
- drafted Chaos Rally #50
- watched Dark Crystal (the movie) and the first 4 episodes of the prequel series on Netflix with Little Bear