Yet another quiet week. Things have been fairly peaceful for the most part.

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Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Irritation Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Anxiety Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A ~ Normal Headache Pain or Pressure = h

Joint Pain Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Tingling = T

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1

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Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: ~

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~

Chaos Rally

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Sunday ~ September 15, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 1T

Hours of Sleep: bed at 9pm night before, up at 5am – 8 hours total
napped 5pm-7pm – 2 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
• 1 multivitamin @ 7am
• 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• 3 cups of coffee
• 2 pkgs. of MSG free instant chicken ramen

Today’s Feelings

• content
• agitated

Notes

• scheduled Emotional Tarot for week #2019-47
• decided to spend the rest of the day resting and relaxing
  • relieved to notice that the pain in my arm has significantly lessened since I visited Light Flower’s mentor for a session
    • she also unlocked my gifts and instructed me how to develop them and how to find my purpose
      • meditating this morning, I realized that I am walking the path of my purpose and even though everything doesn’t make sense right now, I need to have patience with myself and to keep going
        • I’m already developing, evolving, and expanding
          • everything is okay and everything is working out
            • I need to relax into the divine timing of it all
• Iron Knight (fuck it, it’s easier to type and I don’t like the idea of erasing someone’s identity and yes, there are other reasons behind going back to this nickname) came over to visit at 8pm and, like always, the first thing he did was come into my room to chat with me instead of visit with our son
  • he also felt the need to come back up the stairs and enter my room to chat with me before heading out
    • yes, he did let me know when he was planning to visit our son again but he could have messaged me that information
  • I guess the weirdest thing in all of this was seeing his hair cut exactly the same way as Little Bear’s father
    • in all the years I have known Iron Knight, I have never seen his hair cut this way, ever
      • it triggered deeper things in me that has everything to do with my ex-husband and I know very well it’s a clear message from the universe
        • nothing ever happens by accident
          • legends say that iron, unless transmuted, is toxic to faeries – I need to remember this
        • and no, Iron Knight isn’t intentionally trying to emulate or copy my ex-husband, I know this
          • I just need firmer boundaries

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Monday ~ September 16, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 1T

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6am – 6 hours total
napped 1pm-3pm – 2 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
• 1 multivitamin @ 7am
• 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• 2 cups of coffee
• spaghetti, handful of white grapes, and small pkg. Little Bites Brownies

Today’s Feelings

• calm

Notes

• still haven’t finished the Emotional Tarot series, but already planning a new project
  • trying not to get ahead of myself here
  • private notes
• I feel like I got nothing done today

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Tuesday ~ September 17, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0.5

Hours of Sleep: bed at 8pm night before, up at 2am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
• 1 multivitamin @ 7am
• 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• 2 cups of coffee
• 22oz. bottle of water x4
• fresh white grapes
• 1 sleeve of Ritz crackers

Today’s Feelings

• calm

Notes

• woke up thirsty as hell
• started on the birthday reading I promised Iron Knight ages ago
• Therapy Tuesday

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Wednesday ~ September 18, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 9pm night before, up at 4am – 7 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
• 1 multivitamin @ 7am
• 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7am

Meals

• 2 cups of coffee
• spaghetti with meat sauce

Today’s Feelings

• calm in the AM
• slightly disrupted in PM

Notes

• still working on that birthday reading

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Thursday ~ September 19, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 1

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
• 1 multivitamin @ 7am
• 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7am

Meals

• 3 cups of coffee
• 1lb. of fresh grapes
• popcorn

Today’s Feelings

• slightly disrupted

Notes

• still working on that reading
• PT today
• half day at school today, so Little Bear stayed home
  • watched Steven Universe with him this evening

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Friday ~ September 20, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 10pm night before, up at 4am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
• 1 multivitamin @ 7am
• 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• 2 cups of coffee
• 1 fresh nectarine
• veggie egg scramble with cheese

Today’s Feelings

• calm

Notes

• still working on that reading

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Saturday ~ September 21, 2019

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at ?, up at 6am – ? total hours

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• forgot AM meds
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• 3 cups of coffee
• leftover vegging egg and cheese scramble

Today’s Feelings

• calm most of the day
• wrecked by evening

Notes

• finally finished Iron Knight’s birthday reading
• ex-husband’s father called and Little Bear spontaneously invited him to the birthday party tomorrow
  • now he’s coming I guess and I’m sure my parents will be thrilled about that
• seeing him tonight hit like a ton of bricks for some reason
  • I guess I shouldn’t have done the birthday reading?
    • it seems it opened up a bunch of shit inside me
      • as usual, he wanted to change how I feel to make himself comfortable (but as least it wasn’t as bad as it was in the past)
        • and I know I should just let him go, burn this bridge, and just start looking for someone else
        • I need someone that can see my feelings and truth as equally valid and real as theirs – period

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