It’s been a week.

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Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Irritation Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Anxiety Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A ~ Normal Headache Pain or Pressure = h

Joint Pain Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Tingling = T

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1

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Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: ~

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~

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Sunday ~ September 29, 2019

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 11:30pm night before, up at 6am – 6.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 8am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 8am
• 1 multivitamin @ 8am
• 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 8am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7:30pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7:30pm

Meals

• 2 cups of coffee
• 3 cups of mint green tea
• 4 slices of leftover pizza

Today’s Feelings

• calm

Notes

• spent the day working on my birthday reading
• Tuxedo Cat’s father only visited an hour today
  • he respected my space and didn’t talk to me
  • just pisses me off how yesterday he was singing my praises about my tarot reading when the last time he went over a tarot reading with me he told me that the cards were bullshit and I put too much stock in them
    • it just felt really false to me
      • like he was just kissing my ass to win points with me
        • when it comes to feedback with my readings, I want to know how accurate, helpful, and useful you feel it is
          • believe me when I say that the cards he got felt really harsh to me and I was worried that my personal involvement was getting in the way of the reading
            • which I know is seriously unprofessional
              • so being lavished with praise in response to what I know for a fact is an imperfect report isn’t helping me to gauge anything in regards to my performance
                • I have no idea if he honestly feels it’s accurate or if he’s just saying all this in an attempt to patch things up

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Monday ~ September 30, 2019

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 9:30pm night before, up at 5am – 7.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7:30am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7:30am
• 1 multivitamin @ 7:30am
• 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7:30am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• 4 cups of coffee
• 2 slices of pizza

Today’s Feelings

• calm

Notes

• worked on my birthday reading for the blog

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Tuesday ~ October 01, 2019

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 9pm night before, up at 5:30am – 8.5 hours total
napped 2pm to 5pm – 3 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
• 1 multivitamin @ 7am
• 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• ? cups of coffee
• don’t remember what I ate

Today’s Feelings

• disappointed this morning
• uplifted by evening

Notes

• private notes
• worked on my birthday reading today

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Wednesday ~ October 02, 2019

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 1

Hours of Sleep: bed at 11pm, up at 5am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
• 1 multivitamin @ 7am
• 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• ? cups of coffee
• 17oz. bottle of sparkling flavored water – black raspberry
• steak, potatoes, green salad, brownie cupcake

Today’s Feelings

• content

Notes

• Little Bear’s OT
• Scholar Owl’s Med Clinic appt.
• worked on my birthday reading

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Thursday ~ October 03, 2019

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 1

Hours of Sleep: bed at 9pm, up at 5am – 8 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
• 1 multivitamin @ 7am
• 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• ? cups of coffee
• shaved steak penne
• leftover steak

Today’s Feelings

• calm

Notes

• PT and OT for me today
• worked on my birthday reading – nearing completion

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Friday ~ October 04, 2019

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 11pm, up at 5am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
• 1 multivitamin @ 7am
• 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• 3 cups of coffee
• green salad

Today’s Feelings

• calm

Notes

• finished my birthday reading for this year
• posted the birthday reading I had done for 2018-2019
• posted the birthday reading I had done for 2017-2018
• posted the introduction for the Chaos Wave series

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Saturday ~ October 05, 2019

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 1 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 2:30am, up at 9am – 6.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 75mg Topamax @ 10am
• 10mg Propranolol @ 10am
• 1 multivitamin @ 10am
• 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 10am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• 4 cups of coffee
• 2 beef patties and green salad

Today’s Feelings

• sad briefly in AM
• content in PM
  • progress with the blog has been uplifting
• angry late PM

Notes

• I’m still unable to chat with Tuxedo Cat’s father without feeling deep sorrow and pain
  • we spoke in messenger this morning about his visit with Tuxedo Cat tomorrow
    • I don’t know what triggered the tears this time
    • I hate sensing the expectation from everyone that I should be over it and healed already when I still have this big gaping hole inside me
      • I despise pretending to be fine
      • I resent needing to hide my feelings
      • and I rage over the mere notion of just being friends
        • especially after what happened just before the boys’ birthday party
          • when everything has been shattered like that, there’s no going back
            • asking to be my friend at this point is a mockery of my feelings
            • especially when you can’t even openly admit all the shit you’ve done from the start and give a real apology
              • it will never be okay
• and funny how now we’re not together, he seems to have plenty of time to be online when before he was too fucking busy for that
  • he has a new phone, so it’s not that his phone is fucked up
  • I just want to stop being so fucking broken and erase him from my life – any time now would be nice
    • he can call me bitter if he wants, but this is what the Hurt and Rescue cycle does: it creates addiction through trauma bonding
      • he can fuck off and I’ll just rot here in my withdrawal symptoms
• worked on blog from 9:30am to 4pm
  • scheduled Chaos Wave: Ace of Cups
  • scheduled Chaos Wave: Two of Cups
  • scheduled Chaos Wave: Three of Cups
  • scheduled Chaos Wave: Four of Cups
  • scheduled Chaos Wave: Five of Cups
  • scheduled Chaos Wave: Six of Cups
• worked on blog from 8:30pm to 10pm
  • scheduled Chaos Wave: Seven of Cups

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