Tode’s Weekly Assessment 2019-40

It’s been a week.


Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Irritation Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Anxiety Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A ~ Normal Headache Pain or Pressure = h

Joint Pain Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Tingling = T

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1


Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: ~

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~


Sunday ~ September 29, 2019

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 11:30pm night before, up at 6am – 6.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 8am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 8am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 8am
  • 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 8am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:30pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7:30pm

Meals

  • 2 cups of coffee
  • 3 cups of mint green tea
  • 4 slices of leftover pizza

Today’s Feelings

  • calm

Notes

  • spent the day working on my birthday reading
  • Tuxedo Cat’s father only visited an hour today
    • he respected my space and didn’t talk to me
    • just pisses me off how yesterday he was singing my praises about my tarot reading when the last time he went over a tarot reading with me he told me that the cards were bullshit and I put too much stock in them
      • it just felt really false to me
        • like he was just kissing my ass to win points with me
          • when it comes to feedback with my readings, I want to know how accurate, helpful, and useful you feel it is
            • believe me when I say that the cards he got felt really harsh to me and I was worried that my personal involvement was getting in the way of the reading
              • which I know is seriously unprofessional
                • so being lavished with praise in response to what I know for a fact is an imperfect report isn’t helping me to gauge anything in regards to my performance
                  • I have no idea if he honestly feels it’s accurate or if he’s just saying all this in an attempt to patch things up

Monday ~ September 30, 2019

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 9:30pm night before, up at 5am – 7.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:30am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7:30am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 7:30am
  • 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7:30am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • 4 cups of coffee
  • 2 slices of pizza

Today’s Feelings

  • calm

Notes

  • worked on my birthday reading for the blog

Tuesday ~ October 01, 2019

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 9pm night before, up at 5:30am – 8.5 hours total
napped 2pm to 5pm – 3 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • ? cups of coffee
  • don’t remember what I ate

Today’s Feelings

  • disappointed this morning
  • uplifted by evening

Notes


Wednesday ~ October 02, 2019

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 1

Hours of Sleep: bed at 11pm, up at 5am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • ? cups of coffee
  • 17oz. bottle of sparkling flavored water – black raspberry
  • steak, potatoes, green salad, brownie cupcake

Today’s Feelings

  • content

Notes

  • Little Bear’s OT
  • Scholar Owl’s Med Clinic appt.
  • worked on my birthday reading

Thursday ~ October 03, 2019

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 1

Hours of Sleep: bed at 9pm, up at 5am – 8 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • ? cups of coffee
  • shaved steak penne
  • leftover steak

Today’s Feelings

  • calm

Notes

  • PT and OT for me today
  • worked on my birthday reading – nearing completion

Friday ~ October 04, 2019

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 11pm, up at 5am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • 3 cups of coffee
  • green salad

Today’s Feelings

  • calm

Notes

  • finished my birthday reading for this year
  • posted the birthday reading I had done for 2018-2019
  • posted the birthday reading I had done for 2017-2018
  • posted the introduction for the Chaos Wave series

Saturday ~ October 05, 2019

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 1 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 2:30am, up at 9am – 6.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 10am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 10am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 10am
  • 1 vitamin B complex supplement @ 10am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • 4 cups of coffee
  • 2 beef patties and green salad

Today’s Feelings

  • sad briefly in AM
  • content in PM
    • progress with the blog has been uplifting
  • angry late PM

Notes

  • I’m still unable to chat with Tuxedo Cat’s father without feeling deep sorrow and pain
    • we spoke in messenger this morning about his visit with Tuxedo Cat tomorrow
      • I don’t know what triggered the tears this time
      • I hate sensing the expectation from everyone that I should be over it and healed already when I still have this big gaping hole inside me
        • I despise pretending to be fine
        • I resent needing to hide my feelings
        • and I rage over the mere notion of just being friends
          • especially after what happened just before the boys’ birthday party
            • when everything has been shattered like that, there’s no going back
              • asking to be my friend at this point is a mockery of my feelings
              • especially when you can’t even openly admit all the shit you’ve done from the start and give a real apology
                • it will never be okay
  • and funny how now we’re not together, he seems to have plenty of time to be online when before he was too fucking busy for that
    • he has a new phone, so it’s not that his phone is fucked up
    • I just want to stop being so fucking broken and erase him from my life – any time now would be nice
      • he can call me bitter if he wants, but this is what the Hurt and Rescue cycle does: it creates addiction through trauma bonding
        • he can fuck off and I’ll just rot here in my withdrawal symptoms
  • worked on blog from 9:30am to 4pm
    • scheduled Chaos Wave: Ace of Cups
    • scheduled Chaos Wave: Two of Cups
    • scheduled Chaos Wave: Three of Cups
    • scheduled Chaos Wave: Four of Cups
    • scheduled Chaos Wave: Five of Cups
    • scheduled Chaos Wave: Six of Cups
  • worked on blog from 8:30pm to 10pm
    • scheduled Chaos Wave: Seven of Cups

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.