Tode’s Weekly Assessment 2020-13

The family is taking the social distancing here in the house more seriously as news from Golden Knight that people from his job are being tested. He won’t be coming over until at least results come back negative. In the meantime, I have looked for ways to stay better connected with friends and family.


Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Irritation Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Anxiety Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A ~ Normal Headache Pain or Pressure = h

Joint Pain Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Tingling = T

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1


Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: ~

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~

Chaos Rally


Sunday ~ March 22, 2020

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 10pm, up at 6am – 8 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • 3 cups of coffee
  • Dad’s homemade pizza

Today’s Feelings

  • content most of the day

Notes

  • worked on Little Bear’s datapack project
  • Golden Knight came over to visit Tuxedo Cat
    • before he came over, he asked me if I wanted to go to the move theater tonight, but I told him no and reminded him that the governor had issued the statewide mandate stating all non-essential businesses should shutdown for the time being and no one should gather in crowds larger than 10, which includes our homes
      • he seemed frustrated with this over messenger until I reminded him about his daughter’s lung condition and if he wanted to be able to continue to visit her then we needed to severely limit where we go so as to keep her risk down
        • and of course, once he got here he minimized this concern
          • fine, she’s not my daughter and I’m not the one with asthma or a lung condition – he is and his daughter is
            • getting tired of being dismissed
        • and then he tells me how he checked the theaters online to see if they were open still and found that they weren’t
          • okay, so here is my issue:
            • first off, like why in the hell would I lie about that?
            • second, was it really necessary to double check?
            • third, could it just be okay for me to say that I didn’t want to go because the governor had put out a statewide mandate?
            • fourth, but it’s completely okay for him to say no to whatever he wants to say no to for any reason
              • this last one bothers me given the fact that he gets REALLY upset if I express disappointment in any way, shape, or form

                • suddenly it’s a crisis and he claims he’s not allowed to say no

Monday ~ March 23, 2020

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 2 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 11pm, up at 6am – 7 hours total
napped 3pm to 6pm – 3 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • AM meds missed somehow
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • 2 cups of coffee
  • 2 cups Gatorade
  • 2 bowls Rice Chex
  • 1 slice leftover pizza

Today’s Feelings

  • was content most of the day until this afternoon when Dad started his shit
    • after that I’ve been agitated

Notes

  • worked on Little Bear’s datapack
  • Dad said to me this afternoon while the boys were stacking wood that Golden Knight shouldn’t be coming over here anymore
    • I challenged this by pointing out that my brother still comes over and Dad tried to tell me all the ways how him coming over was different
      • basically, it broke down to my brother coming over to help him with shit he wants done and once this was aired Dad was pissed and tried to say he wasn’t telling me what to do
        • after that he quickly changed the subject to politics and I left the room
          • I just find it odd that ever since Trump became president he has been very anti-Democrat in a very loud way
            • as a child I honestly remember my parents being Democrats and were more quiet about politics
              • the hard flip I’ve been seeing concerns me
    • don’t get me wrong, I understand that he’s scared and worried about this COVID-19 business and doesn’t want to admit it
      • however, it will never give him the legal right to control me like this
      • if he wants to start banning people from visiting, then he needs to ban everyone not just a select few otherwise it defeats the purpose
        • and God forbid I point this out to him and make it clear that his so called precautions need to apply across the board
          • I would have no problem with telling Golden Knight that my dad placed a ban on all visitors during this time IF it actually applied to ALL visitors
            • but I’m not going to ban anyone if my dad is going to continue to have his own visitors of his choosing
            • and I’m not going to ban anyone if my dad is going to continue to visit whomever the fuck he wants
              • it was bad enough he tried to tell me I couldn’t leave the house before the schools closed and I told him it didn’t matter as long as the schools were open
                • he was fucking pissed and told me he wasn’t trying to tell me I couldn’t leave the house
                • and yet, here he is now fucking going places after schools have closed while I am keeping my ass at home
                  • but somehow it’s different for him
    • I am tired of his so called advice
    • I am tired of being the emotional dumping ground for people
      • I am not taking on and claiming their fear and paranoia
        • I refuse
        • it’s not mine to carry
      • I will hold space for those willing to do the work to own and process their shit and grow from it

Tuesday ~ March 24, 2020

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 1 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: Little Bear was up all night, ended up sleeping off and on all day

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • ? cups of coffee
  • Gatorade
  • cheese and crackers

Today’s Feelings

  • mostly content

Notes

  • completed the plains village in Little Bear’s datapack, along with its zombie variant
  • made plans with Golden Knight for his visit tomorrow night
  • the Governor of Maine mandated all public front non-essential businesses close to the public – from now on during the Covid-19 crisis those businesses can only conduct online and tele-services
    • Golden Knight doesn’t understand why the dealership he works at is choosing to remain open at this time

Wednesday ~ March 25, 2020

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 1 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 11pm, up at 6am – 8 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • 2 cups of coffee
  • cheese and crackers

Today’s Feelings

  • mostly content

Notes

  • started working on the desert variant of Little Bear’s village in his datapack
  • enjoyed a pleasant evening with Golden Knight watching a couple episodes of Altered Carbon Season 2 on Netflix

Thursday ~ March 26, 2020

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 2 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: forgot to document

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • PM meds forgotten

Meals

  • 3 cups of coffee
  • 1 cup ginger tea
  • grapes, cucumbers – and… I think that’s it

Today’s Feelings

  • stressed

Notes

  • Golden Knight informed me that two people called in at his work to say they are getting tested for the Corvid-19 and a third was sent home since two of their family members are being tested for it
    • we discussed it and decided that it would be best that he doesn’t visit in person until at least the tests come back
    • Dad said he will tell my brother not to visit until he says otherwise
    • I know my father is frustrated that none of us have taken this more seriously sooner
      • I blame myself for not setting harder boundaries with all of them
      • I should have insisted from the beginning to ban all visitors and ban all social outings like I wanted to
        • but neither my dad nor Golden Knight wanted that – they both wanted to keep doing whatever the fuck they wanted to do
          • and of course I allowed it because what else could I do?
          • I can’t force either of them to do anything
          • at least they aren’t blaming me for this – just me blaming me
          • only other thing I could have done was quarantined myself and the boys from them and everyone else the best I could
            • kind of hard to do when it isn’t your house
  • at least my parents understood my concerns about the need for my Universal Precautions in the home and didn’t call me paranoid for it
    • actually, Dad was pretty great with this and went into fix it mode in response to both my anxiety and Mom’s anxiety about it all
      • I’m very grateful
  • Golden Knight and I discussed online alternatives for visitation and hangouts
    • Zoom, Netflix Party, and Xbox games
    • spent the evening with Tuxedo Cat picking out games the two of them could play together
  • got on Facebook and posted a message for my friends and family about games I could chill together with on
    • at the moment it looks like the vote is Diablo III on the PC for family

Friday ~ March 27, 2020

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 2 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 3am, up at 7am – 4 hours total
had a bad dream about someone threatening to set my Lou Rankin Herbert Frog doll on fire with a Zippo lighter

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • ? cups of coffee
  • ginger tea
  • fresh fruit

Today’s Feelings

  • anxious

Notes

  • left 2Cellos rendition of Hallelujah playing on loop and this morning Little Bear liked it so much he asked me if I could leave it playing, so of course I did
  • struggling to remember to meditate each morning or even use Reiki on myself every day – trying not to berate myself for this
    • not sure why this has been such a challenge to make this a daily habit
    • Golden Knight suggested I set an alarm to remind myself to do it just like I do for my meds
      • I think it’s a great idea actually
  • decided I need to start taking my PRNs for now too
  • I got Diablo III for the PC to chill with the family on
    • played with my cousin, Light Flower, once I finally got it all downloaded and updated – took forever

Saturday ~ March 28, 2020

Daily Draw

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 1 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: forgot to document

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 20mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 20mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • ? cups of coffee
  • cheese and fresh fruit

Today’s Feelings

Notes

  • played Diablo III most of the day when I was napping
    • I want to say the PRNs wiped me out, but I think the lack of sleep is catching up with me

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