Tode’s Weekly Assessment 2020-19

Overview


Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Irritation Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Anxiety Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A ~ Normal Headache Pain or Pressure = h

Joint Pain Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Tingling = T

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1


Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: ~

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~


Sunday ~ May 03, 2020

Mood: -1 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: forgot to document

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • AM forgetten
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 20mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • ? cups of tea
  • BBQ chicken, mashed potatoes, peas

Today’s Feelings

  • calm

Notes

  • wasted the day finishing the Lucifer series on Netflix
  • Tuxedo Cat at least enjoyed FaceTime with Golden Knight and his sister while playing chess
  • Golden Knight’s cousin, who also grew up with my brothers, is working on fixing my desktop PC for me
  • my desktop PC had some fans dying and the OS seems to have some corrupted files
  • I might lose files in the process of recovery

Monday ~ May 04, 2020

Mood: -1 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 1

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 7am – 7 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • AM forgetten
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 20mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • ? cups of tea
  • pretzles

Today’s Feelings

  • feeling down, worn out, forgotten

Notes

  • the tablet is nice to have to keep me connected, but feels so limited
    • also doesn’t help that I feel brushed off and forgotten by everyone
  • my brother, Mouse, came over to help Dad with the wood again
    • I asked Dad when Golden Knight can start coming back over given how the Stay Home order has been modified and Dad said no one is coming into the house
      • he tried to scare me with the numbers again on the Maine CDC site, but I showed him how our new daily confirmed cases are down to half of what the peak new cases have been mid–April and explained to him this is why they have decided to reopen slowly in stages and that immunity can’t be established without controlled exposure and that this entire quarantine has been about what the hospitals can handle
        • the sad reality is, establishing immunity is the only thing that will save the overall population and controlled exposure is required to do that with a novel contagion like this
          • especially when you don’t have a vaccine for it
      • and of course he tried to argue his case by pointing to the three new deaths in Maine today
        • three today… out of the total 1200 some odd confirmed cases in our state, less than 200 of which have been hospitalized
          • that’s his argument for no visitors in the house but he continues to go grocery shopping with Mom every week
            • if he was truly afraid of dying as he claims, he wouldn’t be leaving the house at all and wouldn’t have my brother come over to cut wood with him
  • started working on personal full moon reading after Little Bear went to sleep
    • had to use his PC

Tuesday ~ May 05, 2020

Mood: -1 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 1

Hours of Sleep: bed at 3am, up at 6am — 3 hours total
napped 3pm to 6pm – 3 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 20mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 20mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • ? cups of tea
  • pretzles
  • 2 bologna & cheese sandwiches on wheat
  • 1 peach yogurt

Today’s Feelings

  • dead

Notes

  • didn’t really do anything today
    • spent most of it just sitting at my desk, listening to music
    • just a lot of dark, empty thoughts in my head
  • Dad took it upon himself to tell me today that the Stay At Home order is in effect until the end of the month, so until then no one is allowed in the house
    • I know this is not how it works and if they keep the words “Stay Healthy At Home” as the title of the order each month regardless of what the contents say, I am fucked
      • Dad will continue to do whatever he wants to do while trying to control my behavior
      • I already overheard him talking in other room over the phone to my brother in California about plans to attend my grandmother’s burial soon but hasn’t bothered to tell me directly about it as to when it’s happening
        • which means he doesn’t want me going
      • he avoids any conversation as to whether Golden Knight can visit his son outside or not instead of coming inside
        • it’s a fair compromise given how child visitation is considered legally an essential activity and Dad has Mouse come over to cut wood for him
      • and now Dad’s biggest beef is his realization that they are counting even the people that claim residency but aren’t currently in the state
        • thing is, all states are doing it this way
        • no idea why, exactly
        • so the truth is, the data doesn’t actually reflect the number of cases physically present in each state
          • many Mainers right now are actually stuck in Florida
            • these people are colloquially referred to as “Snow Birds” since they go down there for the winter and come back in the summer
              • many of them are Maine residents
                • how many of them are confirmed cases but are physically in Florida or some other state right now?
                • how many people from out of state came to Maine for the final season of skiing or ice fishing, are now stuck here, are confirmed cases but are counted for another state?
          • I understand Dad’s bitch with clouding the picture, but I don’t think it’s a valid excuse to do what he’s doing
            • like he also says, if it’s safe to go to a hair salon, why is not safe to go to other places?
  • beyond tired of the bullshit
    • my soul is just ready to give up at this point
    • don’t know why I bother trying anymore
  • Covid-19 stats in Maine as of today:
    • total currently sick: 424
    • total recovered: 741
    • total deaths: 61
    • total cases: 1226
    • new confirmed cases today: 21
    • apparent peak: April 13, 2020 @ 65 confirmed new cases that day
    • source site: maine.gov DHHS – ME CDC
      • I don’t believe the numbers justify any of what Dad says to my face
      • they align more closely to what Dad says when I’m not in the room
        • he talks fear and paranoia to my face but claims everything is bullshit and a means to control the public when he can’t see me
          • he forgets how loud he speaks and then expects you to stay out of it when he’s not talking to you

Wednesday ~ May 06, 2020

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep:

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

Meals

Today’s Feelings

Notes


Thursday ~ May 07, 2020

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep:

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

Meals

Today’s Feelings

Notes


Friday ~ May 08, 2020

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep:

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

Meals

Today’s Feelings

Notes


Saturday ~ May 09, 2020

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep:

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

Meals

Today’s Feelings

Notes


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