It’s been a long week. And in terms of weather, summer is officially here. Just feeling really worn down as the end of the week rolls out.

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Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Irritation Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Anxiety Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A ~ Normal Headache Pain or Pressure = h

Joint Pain Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Tingling = T

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1

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Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: 05/25/2020

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~

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Sunday ~ May 24, 2020

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 8am – 8 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 1 multivitamin @ 10:30am
• 75mg Topamax @ 10:30am
• 20mg Propranolol @ 10:30am
• 75mg Topamax @ 8pm
• 20mg Propranolol @ 8pm

Meals

• 2 cups of coffee

Today’s Feelings

• calm and content
• mildly annoyed

Notes

• Work on Blog – 7:45am to 1:45pm
  • created drafts of the remaining Chaos Rally posts for the year
  • began rendering the images needed for these posts
• Mom came home this afternoon
  • I’m glad it isn’t Covid and I’m glad to see that Dad isn’t riding her ass to do a bunch of shit for a change
• watched Fullmetal Alchemist on Netflix Party with Golden Knight this evening
• Worked on Blog 10pm to 4am
  • more rendering of images for Chaos Rally posts

• finished scheduling all of the Lunar Intention posts for this year
  • I’m relieved that’s one less thing on my to-do list to worry about
• Little Bear’s OT
• completed personal reading for this coming June
  • I’m not late with it for a change

• 2 cups of tea
• 4 cups of coffee
• pretzels

• worked on blog – 5:30am to 12pm
  • scheduled Lunar Intention post for October
  • scheduled Lunar Intention post for November
• my mom had a fever of 101 degrees Fahrenheit this morning
  • she was trying to get in to see the doctor to have it all checked out
  • hope it’s not Covid-19 because there is no way we can keep her properly separated from everyone else in this house
    • and realistically if she has it… if we are being honest here, if you are technically contagious as long as 14 days before showing symptoms then we have already been exposed and contaminated by it at this point
      • I’m just kind of peeved by it all because I know that Dad is already blaming me despite the fact that Mom works in the busiest grocery/department store in tri-town area
• Little Bear’s school called to ask me if I was interested in summer school for this July and I told them no since he is showing signs of burn out
  • I’m thankful they were understanding and didn’t give me any grief about it
  • it’s bad enough that he didn’t get a spring break due to his transfer to their school when they just had theirs and it was just before ours
  • their last day of school is on June 16th while Tuxedo Cat’s last day is June 5th
  • it used to be that kids got 3 months of summer vacation… now they barely get 2.5 months if they’re lucky and these people wonder why anxiety, depression, and suicide are on the rise in these age groups
• Therapy Tuesday
  • she is happy with the progress Golden Knight and I have been making in terms of developing communication skills, and identifying our own triggers and working through them, and setting boundaries to break argumentative loops
    • I also have been able to identify why some of those loops have been happening on my end recently
      • due to my fearful-avoidant attachment style
        • increased emotional intimacy can be uncomfortable, which can trigger a subconscious need to create distance
          • I need to be more mindful of that and choose healthier behavior instead of pushing buttons
• watched Fullmetal Alchemist on Netflix Party with Golden Knight this evening

• spent the day with Golden Knight
  • had lunch together at an outdoor vendor
  • went to the store to pick up a cellphone for me, but when I got it home to set it up I find out the one I got doesn’t come with a SIM card, I need to get that separately so that was distressing
  • aside from all that, the time we spent together was deeply comforting

• very content

• woke up with one eye slightly swollen from a bug bite
  • didn’t even feel the bug bite me at the picnic, but I’m glad Golden Knight brushed it off my face
  • Dad said I can take his bug spray with me next time
    • he buys the really good stuff for when he cuts wood
      • the kind that wards off ticks and some other extra things
• scheduled July’s Lunar Intentions post
• overheard Dad talking to someone on the phone admitting that he doesn’t want to babysit for my brother because it means he that then he has to start allowing other people into the house
  • meaning he would have to allow Golden Knight to come over
  • I was standing right next to Mom when he said it and that’s when she tried to tell me that she told him that he isn’t allowed to babysit because my brother’s wife always brings those kids over when they’re sick and none of us can afford that risk right now, especially right now
    • and this is true, my brother and his wife do this all the time
    • but! it doesn’t dismiss what Dad said either
      • I know what he really based his decision on because if it was based on what Mom said, that’s what would have come up
      • and perhaps this is why he has backed off on where I am going and what I am doing lately?
        • because if he had said all that and was still being a tyrant about it even though restrictions have been eased, I would have made some phone calls
          • he doesn’t have the legal right to control what I do
            • especially when I am obeying the law
        • either way, I’m so tired of their bullshit
          • just one more reason to move the fuck out of here as soon as possible