Tode’s Weekly Assessment 2020-27

For the most part, it’s been a good week. My only wish is I could get my oldest son to hang out with us and do stuff with us more, but I suppose this is to be expected of a teenager. At least, this is what I keep telling myself.


Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Irritation Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Anxiety Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A ~ Normal Headache Pain or Pressure = h

Joint Pain Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Tingling = T

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1


Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: ~

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~


Sunday ~ June 28, 2020

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 4:30am, up at 10:30am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • AM meds missed
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 20mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • ? cups black tea
  • 3 cheeseburgers and 1 sausage on buns

Today’s Feelings

  • content

Notes

  • looking forward to my first dedicated date night with Golden Knight
  • enjoyed a nice BBQ with the family
  • played Monopoly with Tuxedo Cat and Golden Knight on the Xbox
  • and our date night was nice

Monday ~ June 29, 2020

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 11am, up at 5am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 20mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 20mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • ? cups of black tea
  • ordered Mexican take out

Today’s Feelings

  • content

Notes

  • worked on the Endonian datapack on Minecraft all day
  • Golden Knight came over for dinner and hung out for conversation after
    • he informed me of his plans to spend July 4th with his friend that hates me

Tuesday ~ June 30, 2020

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 11pm, up at 6am – 7 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • AM meds missed
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 20mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • ? cups of black tea
  • 2 roast beef sandwiches

Today’s Feelings

  • calm in the AM
  • sad and disquiet in the PM

Notes

  • after a great deal of thought, I let Golden Knight know that I need to be able to spend family holidays together if what he says about seeing us as family is true
    • he offered a compromise in that he would spend part of the day with his friend and come back to spend the rest of the day with us
      • I find this to be a good compromise and I can live with that
  • Therapy Tuesday
    • my therapist assured me that I handled what happened last year appropriately so whatever they are still upset about is their baggage to carry, not mine
    • she also told me that I handled making my needs known regarding family holidays without demanding he give up his friends well also
      • she said it is important to allow him to decide whether or not he is going to meet the need while also having a backup plan in place
        • that under no circumstances am I to do what I did with my ex-husband, which was just sitting around, on call for him, and waiting for him to meet those needs while allowing it to ruin my life
          • so if Golden Knight is not willing or able to meet the requested need, then I’m to make other plans and enjoy myself as much as possible
            • to be clear, she isn’t advocating cheating on anyone here
            • what she is advocating is that I don’t allow myself to be placed in a closet as anyone’s option
              • if what I need is companionship, for example, then I can just as easily hang out with a friend or family member and still have a splendid time without him
  • Golden Knight came over for dinner, informed me that the friend that hates me claims I never took responsibility for Little Bear’s behavior at last year’s July 4th party, and so Golden Knight asked to read the apology I had sent over Facebook messenger for himself (again)
    • he had to tell me a lot of what his friend and her husband had to say and tried to make excuses and explain their behavior
      • none of it made me feel better and only made me cry more
        • I also find it interesting that Golden Knight always wants to read my messages for himself but never lets me see his messages so I can see for myself what was actually said

Wednesday ~ July 01, 2020

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 11pm, up at 6am – 7 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • 1 multivitamin @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 20mg Propranolol @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 20mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • ? cups of black tea
  • 2 chicken burgers on white bread

Today’s Feelings

  • numb

Notes

  • fuck today
    • after he dumped all that shit on me last night about his friend – knowing he would be spending today as his alone time – what little bit he did speak to me, he didn’t even act like last night happened at all
  • worked on the blog
    • 7am to 4pm
    • 4:30pm to 7:30pm
      • relaunched the daily draw – only this time it’s formatted as a writing prompt with a focus on gratitude
        • scheduled for all of July

Thursday ~ July 02, 2020

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • AM meds missed (somehow?)
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 20mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • ? cups of black tea
  • failed to document what I ate

Today’s Feelings

  • content

Notes

  • played Resident Evil with Little Bear all day
  • watched one episode of Fullmetal Alchemist with Golden Knight this evening

Friday ~ July 03, 2020

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 4:30am, up at 12:30pm – 8 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • AM meds missed
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 20mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • 2 cups of coffee
  • 1 large coke
  • 1 chili cheese dog with fries

Today’s Feelings

  • content

Notes

  • more Resident Evil today
  • date night with Golden Knight

Saturday ~ July 04, 2020

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

  • AM meds missed
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 20mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

  • 1 cups of coffee
  • 2 cups of Gatorade
  • family BBQ
    • steak tips, pork rib tips, macaroni salad
    • I cooked a bunch of other stuff too like burgers, hot dogs, and sausage but didn’t have room for it

Today’s Feelings

  • content

Notes

  • spent the day working on the family BBQ
    • most of the day was pretty chill
    • the only time I felt stressed was when the food wasn’t ready on time
      • like, when is the food ever ready exactly on time?
  • we then watched the new Sonic movie with the boys
    • I enjoyed it – Jim Carry as Dr. Robotnik was worth seeing

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