Remote learning started this week for Little Bear. It was a bit bumpy and hectic getting everything rolling but we survived.

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Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Irritation Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Anxiety Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A ~ Normal Headache Pain or Pressure = h

Joint Pain Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Tingling = T

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1

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Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: ~

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~

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Sunday ~ August 23, 2020

Mood: 1 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 2 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 6am, up at 11am – 5 hours total

Sleep Quality: -1

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• meds missed

Meals

• ? cups of black tea
• homemade tacos and burritos

Today’s Feelings

• honestly think I’ve numbed out most of the day

Notes

• wasted the day – didn’t really work on anything
• Golden Knight came over for dinner
  • was expecting sexy time as planned, but he was too tired
  • I shouldn’t have been surprised given how we had a fight Friday night
    • first one in a long time, but still… it’s the same pattern
  • we did at least talk
    • it was nice to hear him open up for a change
    • but why did he have to ask that dreadful question if I thought he was selfish? I know I beat around that bush but, I do think it’s selfish to always get your needs met but then come up with excuses and reasons as to not meet the needs of the other.
      • I will always resent that
      • growing up, the incredibly toxic behavior I learned from my parents was to withdraw affection, attention, and the silent treatment
        • I swore I wouldn’t be like that, but I need some kind of balance here because I’m starting to feel like the other end of the extreme is fucking me over too
          • I’m not a service machine
          • tired of being bled dry
          • at what point is it not my fault and I can pull back?
          • at what point am I not selfish for needing what I need and actually have the right to demand it?
          • I accept the fact my role is to take care of people, but who takes care of me?
          • why must my cup remain empty?

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Monday ~ August 24, 2020

Mood: 1 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 2 ~ Migraine: 1A ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 1am, up at 7am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 1 multivitamin @ 7am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7am
• 20mg Propranolol @ 7am
• 600mg Ibuprofen @ 2pm
• 1000mg Tylenol @ 2pm
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 20mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• 3 cups of black tea
• pretzels
• 2 oatmeal cream pies
• 1 pork rib, mashed potatoes, and carrots

Today’s Feelings

• calmer compared to yesterday

Notes

• it felt like I was going to bed early last night – I didn’t really have any interest in working on anything yesterday and by last night all energy for it was gone
• Golden Knight had a long chat on messenger about everything – hopefully we have everything sorted out and smoothed over at this point
• Golden Knight came over tonight to spend the evening with me and it was a very nice time together

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Tuesday ~ August 25, 2020

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep:

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 1 multivitamin @ 10am
• 75mg Topamax @ 10am
• 20mg Propranolol @ 10am
• PM meds missed

Meals

• 2 cups of black tea
• 2 cups of coffee
• 1 20oz. bottle of cola
• 1 16oz. bottle of peach hibiscus tea
• T-bone steak, mashed potatoes, brocolli
• chef salad with chicken

Today’s Feelings

• content

Notes

• after therapy, I spent the entire day with Golden Knight
  • we went out to eat and did some window shopping for coming birthdays for the boys and then finished the Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood series on Netflix together
  • overall, it was a very pleasant day and I wish we had more days like that together

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Wednesday ~ August 26, 2020

Mood: 1 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 1 ~ Anxiety: 2 ~ Migraine: 1h ~ Joint Pain: 1

Hours of Sleep: bed at 1am, up at 9am – 8 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 1 multivitamin @ 11am
• 75mg Topamax @ 11am
• 20mg Propranolol @ 11am
• PM meds forgotten

Meals

• 1 12oz. bottle of Gatorade
• 2 cups of black tea
• 16oz. bottle of peach hibiscus tea

Today’s Feelings

• I don’t know

Notes

• scattered thunderstorms yesterday – the air pressure kept messing with my right ear
• school plans all set for the high school, but still waiting to hear from them about plans for Tuxedo Cat’s remote learning specifically
• I haven’t heard anything for Little Bear’s remote learning or the school plans at all
  • I did receive one phone early this month about what my decision was (after I emailed it to them) and I received one phone call from school transportation saying Little Bear’s school starts in-person tomorrow and asking if he was going in-person
• I’m really not happy with the lack of organization and I’m wishing I had just gone with my gut and just homeschooled them both and thus not have to deal with any of this
  • I may very well end up doing that in before this is all said and done
• I got Tuxedo Cat’s remote learning school schedule in the mail today and he wasn’t enrolled in Music Theory as promised to him last year – the class he’s been waiting to take all last year and instead was enrolled in Poetry
  • needless to stay he was distraught and told me he’s not taking Poetry
  • now I’m sending emails hoping to fix this for him before school starts

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Thursday ~ August 27, 2020

Mood: 1 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 1 ~ Anxiety: 2 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 6am, up at 11am – 5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• AM meds missed
• 75mg Topamax @ 8:30pm
• 20mg Propranolol @ 8:30pm

Meals

• ? cups of black tea
• cheeseburger macaroni and diced mangoes
• chocolate muffin

Today’s Feelings

• stressed

Notes

• Little Bear’s first day of school
  • I made all these phone calls yesterday to get the links I needed so he would be able to login and this morning I still didn’t have them
  • the school secretary tells me there isn’t a Google Classroom to log into, but when I finally get to speak to the teacher in person again, she tells me there is and that she sent it to my son’s gmail that they have for him…
    • so I had to ask for that login info
  • I asked for all of this yesterday, why couldn’t they give it to me then?
  • and then I had to explain to the teacher she needed to let us in the Google Meets when we request to join it
    • she’s being asked to use all this tech with no idea how to use it
• Golden Knight came over for dinner and games tonight
  • the Little Bear and Tuxedo Cat played Uno with us
  • then we switched to Scrabble when Little Bear called it quits
    • my parents eventually joined us
    • it was a ton of fun and reminded me of how much I missed gaming

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Friday ~ August 28, 2020

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 1am, up at 8:30am – 7.5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• 1 multivitamin @ 9:30am
• 75mg Topamax @ 9:30am
• 20mg Propranolol @ 9:30am
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 20mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• 2 cups of black tea
• macaroni and cheese

Today’s Feelings

Notes

• remote learning started a bit bumpy this morning, but I think we finally got everything figured out

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Saturday ~ August 29, 2020

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 1 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: forgot to document

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:

Meds Taken

• AM meds missed
• 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
• 20mg Propranolol @ 7pm

Meals

• ? cups of black tea
• spiced gumdrops
• 2 oatmeal cream pie cookies
• leftover taco meat with leftover potatoes

Today’s Feelings

• not sure

Notes

• today was just annoying, wasn’t able to play a video game since Little Bear booted me off that only to start screaming at every game he played and then wouldn’t let me work on anything in peace today

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