Tode’s Weekly Assessment 2021-45

It’s been a quiet week. I didn’t get as much writing done as I would have liked but I did spent quite a bit of quality time with Little Bear playing Minecraft. Great deal of focus on collaboration, planning, communication, etc. I admit, I had a hard time in some areas since we didn’t always share the same vision for building projects but we worked through it.


Mood Score Key:

Sliding Hypomania = 1  ~ Hypomania = 2 ~  Mania = 3  ~  Baseline (My Normal) = 0

Sliding Depression = -1  ~  Depression = -2  ~  Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State

Energy Score Key:

Low = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  High = 1

Irritation Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Anxiety Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3

Migraine Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A ~ Normal Headache Pain or Pressure = h

Joint Pain Score Key:

None = 0  ~  Mild = 1  ~  Moderate = 2  ~  Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Tingling = T

Sleep Quality Score Key:

Bad = -1  ~  Normal = 0  ~  Great = 1


Special Notes for the Week

Menses Start Date: ~

Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~


Sunday ~ November 07, 2021

Mood: 1H ~ Energy: 1 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed sometime around 6am or 7am, up at 1pm

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity & Time

Meds Taken

  • AM meds missed
  • 20mg Propranolol @ 7pm
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm

Meals

  • coffee and black tea
  • homemade pizza

Today’s Feelings

  • motivated and uplifted

Notes

  • yeah…. I think I’m shifting upward, like a weight is coming off me
    • a result of the breakup? maybe
    • a result of meeting a new gaming group via Back 4 Blood possibly
      • one individual in particular with a vibrant energy
        • not that urgent sort of energy, but rather just light and bright and candid
          • and easy sort of way of being
          • in many ways it reminds me of how I feel when I talk to Raven Squire
            • uplifted and myself and not at all performative
    • HOWEVER given the fact this is usually the time of year I experience an upward mood state shift annually, this is very likely the culprit – it just started a bit later than normal and given everything that’s been going on this year I shamelessly have every intention of rolling with it and taking advantage of the energy that comes with it instead of feeling bad about it or fighting it – fuck it
      • I’m tired of feeling tired
      • I’m tired of feeling like my life is a fucking slog
      • I desire a purge and a shift into something different and better than what I’ve got right now
        • just need to decide what the next best step for me is and take action towards it
  • for a couple of months now Dad had been seriously talking about moving out of the house and giving it to me
    • today he has told me (again) that he’s changed his mind and not doing that
      • this time it has to do with the stuff going on with his sister that I can’t really find fault in
        • that said, I need to learn not to count or plan on anything he says when it comes to things like that
          • I should know this by now
            • and if I were to protest I will be told that nothing was promised (which is true)
  • NaNo Word Count: 3626

Monday ~ November 08, 2021

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0.5 ~ Anxiety: 2 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep:

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity & Time

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 20mg Propranolol@ 7am
  • 1 Multivitamin @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 20mg Propranolol@ 7pm

Meals

  • coffee & tea
  • didn’t eat anything, except maybe a handful of pretzel sticks

Today’s Feelings

  • annoyed mostly

Notes

  • no writing got done, spent the entire day on Minecraft
  • managed to piss off the new friend I made online all because I made it clear I don’t like waiting around wondering what going on and then they just dropped out of the conversation without warning, which I honestly think is rude
    • at the very least they could have just said that they need to go instead of ghosting like that
      • no, not everyone does it
      • and no, I don’t see it strictly in any one particular generation
        • I am noticing a pattern of it being connected to immature, self-centered, or abusive people though
          • because these people aren’t able or willing to take the time to consider others in context of their own behavior and how the two are connected
            • nor are they able or willing to acknowledge that they’re behavior is the reason they have the outcomes they keep ending up with
              • instead they just point the finger at someone else for whatever guilt and shame they feel rather than changing the behavior to get a different outcome
    • I’m not shrinking myself or backing down just because they didn’t like hearing me saying I didn’t like waiting or that it was rude to do what they did and that I would like for them to not do that anymore
      • I don’t think this person is a bad guy and I never said that
      • shit happens, misunderstandings occur, and that’s the whole reason for having these kinds of conversations so they can get cleared up and smoothed over

Tuesday ~ November 09, 2021

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed around 1am, up at 6am – 5 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity & Time

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 20mg Propranolol@ 7am
  • 1 Multivitamin @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 20mg Propranolol@ 7pm

Meals

Today’s Feelings

Notes

  • Little Bear asked me to stay logged into the Windows 10 version of Minecraft so he could play on my map
    • this guy still hasn’t contacted us back, much to Little Bear’s dismay, so at this point I feel it’s time to walk away
      • I won’t stop him from returning, but I’m not chasing carrots either
        • I have better things to do with my time
  • NaNo Word Count: 4792

Wednesday ~ November 10, 2021

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 11pm, up at 5am – 6 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity & Time

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 20mg Propranolol@ 7am
  • 1 Multivitamin @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 20mg Propranolol@ 7pm

Meals

  • tea
  • leftover homemade pizza

Today’s Feelings

Notes

  • one last chance, with a courtesy reach out, then I’m letting it go
  • didn’t bother writing today, chilled out on Minecraft with a creative project
  • downloaded the education version of Minecraft since it looks like I may finally be able to use it with Little Bear without a school code, but we’ll see

Thursday ~ November 11, 2021

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 10pm, up at 5am – 7 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity & Time

Meds Taken

  • AM meds missed
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
  • 20mg Propranolol@ 7pm

Meals

Today’s Feelings

Notes

  • went grocery shopping with parents
  • felt drained and tired all day
  • didn’t get any writing done, but did at least get some outlining for next year’s volume 2 done
    • jotted down all of the subplots that arose in volume 1 of the Whitaker Case Files
      • need to decide where I want to go with those before I move forward
        • in a general sense at least

Friday ~ November 12, 2021

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 10pm, up at 6am – 7 hours total

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity & Time

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 7am
  • 20mg Propranolol@ 7am
  • 1 Multivitamin @ 7am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 9:30pm
  • 20mg Propranolol@ 9:30pm

Meals

  • coffee
  • black tea
  • turkey with cheese on white

Today’s Feelings

Notes

  • no writing done, fucked around on Minecraft all day instead
    • I know, I suck

Saturday ~ November 13, 2021

Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0 ~ Joint Pain: 0

Hours of Sleep: bed at 10pm, 5:30am – 5.5 hours total
went back to bed around 6am, up at 9am
back to bed at 9:30am – like seriously, fuck today, up at I dunno, sometime in the afternoon

Sleep Quality: 0

Exercise Activity & Time

Meds Taken

  • 75mg Topamax @ 9:30am
  • 20mg Propranolol@ 9:30am
  • 1 Multivitamin @ 9:30am
  • 75mg Topamax @ 7:30pm
  • 20mg Propranolol@ 7:30pm

Meals

  • coffee
  • chicken and cheese on white

Today’s Feelings

Notes

  • no writing today either, but I did play survival mode in Minecraft with Little Bear and that was enjoyable today

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.