Where the hell has the time gone? The husband is supposed to be here this Wednesday and I still have boxes of shit all over the place to sort through in my parents’ living room. I don’t feel ready to deal with his shit right now.
He shocked the hell out of me though. The allotment came in higher than he said it would. Instead of the $750 he said it was going to be, he sent us $900. So I have no idea what the hell that phone call was about.
I guess he just wanted a fight and managed to snag me at a time when I wasn’t up for it? I don’t know. Don’t care.
I have money for Christmas for the boys now. Yeah, you read that right. One week before Christmas and I haven’t done a lick of shopping yet. And the only people getting gifts from me are my boys. Fucking depressing as hell, but what else can I do?
He’s still not winning brownie points with me because of this. It still doesn’t change the math when you crunch the numbers or the overall fact of why we ultimately had to move in here with my parents.
And this bullshit of him telling me that I married him for his money is a crock of shit. I had more resources, aid, and money available to me before I met him than I do now. I knew that going into the marriage. The SSI and everything dropped after and then we lost it completely after he joined the Army. So no, that isn’t why I married him. I loved him and believed in him. That shit was a mistake and it’s been a fucking war ever since. I’d rather be dirt poor than deal with this shit.
And as soon as I figure out how to make sure that I get physical custody of Little Bear so he stays on his medical care plan that he desperately needs to be on, I’m filing for a divorce. Fuck. This. Shit.
Thanks so much for this post! I needed to read about your life today and see how strong someone else is. Because you are one badass. You had me at tattoos and motorcycles. lol I love it when “partners” (don’t want to offend anyone else reading) say you were with them for money. My best friend was with a man for 7 years who said that and he was STEALING FROM HER! lol It’s hard when it comes to health insurance, I know. The only people getting presents this year are my 2 little nephews and ME! Okay and my Dad because he does put up with a lot, I mean a lot. Have you ever gone on YouTube and watched Corey Taylor play acoustic and sing? He also did a show with the Royal Machines where he sang a song for Scott Weiland that was incredible! He can make his voice sound exactly like whoever he’s singing and then completely do his own thing. He also does so much for Anti bullying that he doesn’t advertise. Sorry about the ramble. I actually got Brand Name medication that works, I just have to figure out when to take it. lol
I will have to look him up because I don’t think I have listened to him.
I admit that there are days I don’t feel strong. There are days I feel like I just can’t do this. If it weren’t for my boys I think I would have lost a long time ago.
As long as you have at least ONE THING to hold on to do it. I hold on for my dad but I am now afraid because he’s 73 with so many health problems. I have to find a way to hold on for myself but that is a hard thing to do a very hard thing to do.
Sometimes if it’s just for yourself it’s easier if it’s holding on for an ideal or concept. I think it’s the principle of a life worth living. You have to define what that means to you and that’s what you hold on to.
Thank you! I think I just got myself banned from Twitter. lol
What? How did that happen?
I rarely put out any Tweets but noticed when I did that they were not showing up anywhere. I closed the account I can’t handle that kind of Social Media. I blame Nikki Sixx. He set off a sh*tstorm for me on Facebook a few years ago by re posting and replying to a comment I left. It started as positive but he put it on ALL OF HIS SITES. So I had up to 300 people a day asking me questions about Bipolar and alcoholism plus some suicidal. It was way too much to handle. He was receiving attention for “helping those in crisis and writing songs about it”. Not to mention the $$$. It turned a little ugly when my meds were changed and my brother in law who knows a lot of people in the music industry got involved. Wasn’t pretty. If he liked something I said or commented on while on Twitter his fans would harass me it went from bad to worse. Still rambling. lol
Wow. That sucks to be in the spotlight like that if it’s not something you wanted.
I was overwhelmed and didn’t have the tools to help anyone. When a frantic father asks if you can help his Bipolar daughter because he’s afraid she will die, what do you do? I’m not a Doctor I just tell my experiences and give facts that I’ve researched.
Yeah that’s rough. I’m in support groups now with special needs parents and it’s hard to answer questions. You have to know where to go to look up resources – not just in your local area, but abroad to help people and that’s a unique skill set that’s hard to develop. I have this amazing friend that just seems to know this shit that runs this one very private group. She blows my mind with the stuff she knows.
And don’t get me wrong, it’s not something I would ask for either. I just know that some people would like it.
It just wasn’t the right time.
Yeah, I understand. It’s hard to lift people up if you’re still sinking yourself.
You might know Corey Taylor better as the lead singer for Slipknot or Stone Sour. I love that he answers every question on his Twitter page and spent hours with a woman recently who had just lost her mom. You don’t see that often.
Holy shit, that IS awesome! And yeah, I do know of Slipknot, but I’ll check him out solo and Stone Sour now. That’s a worthy soul right there. <3
Getting presents for your boys is all that matters, hun. Us adults can handle it. And the other kids are getting presents from other people. It’ll be fine. I’m glad you’re able to get the boys presents. 🙂 Don’t stress out about the boxes. Focus on Christmas and getting your family through. The boxes will keep. HUGGLES <3
Thanks, but it would still be nice to get as much of it done for Mom.
Yeah, I hear ya. But don’t drive your self off a cliff trying to do it either.