The week went okay, other than being unbearably hot most of the week.
Mood Score Key:
Sliding Hypomania = 1 ~ Hypomania = 2 ~ Mania = 3 ~ Baseline (My Normal) = 0
Sliding Depression = -1 ~ Depression = -2 ~ Severe Depression = -3 ~ M = Mixed State
Energy Score Key:
Low = -1 ~ Normal = 0 ~ High = 1
Irritation Score Key:
None = 0 ~ Mild = 1 ~ Moderate = 2 ~ Severe = 3
Anxiety Score Key:
None = 0 ~ Mild = 1 ~ Moderate = 2 ~ Severe = 3
Migraine Score Key:
None = 0 ~ Mild = 1 ~ Moderate = 2 ~ Severe = 3 ~ Extreme = 4 ~ Aura Present = A
Sleep Quality Score Key:
Bad = -1 ~ Normal = 0 ~ Great = 1
Special Notes for the Week
Menses Start Date: 6/30/2019
Weigh-In at Med Clinic: ~
Sunday ~ June 30, 2019
Mood: M-1H ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 1 ~ Anxiety: 1 ~ Migraine: 1h
Hours of Sleep: bed at 4:30am, up at 10am – 5.5 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- missed the morning meds
- 600mg Ibuprofen @ 4:30pm
- 1000mg Tylenol @ 4:30pm
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
- 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm
Meals
- 3 cups of coffee
- pasta with red sauce
Today’s Feelings
- defeated this AM
- tentative this PM
Notes
- this morning Iron Knight tried to have sex with me but somehow that turned into a disaster that led into a fight
- once again he told me he didn’t understand why I felt unimportant and invisible
- and of course my period had to start this afternoon
- Iron Knight came back over for dinner later tonight
- we watched two more episodes of OA
- he surprised me with sex afterwards
- it was awkward, but nice
Monday ~ July 01, 2019
Mood: -1 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 1A
Hours of Sleep: bed at 11pm night before, up at 7:30am – 8.5 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 75mg Topamax @ 8am
- 10mg Propranolol @ 8am
- 1 multivitamin @ 8am
- refilled vape pen (mango 45mg) @ 8:30am
- 600mg Ibuprofen @ ?pm
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
- 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm
- set vape pen to recharge @ 11:30pm
Meals
- 3 cups of coffee
- peanut butter on white
- popcorn
Today’s Feelings
- content
Notes
- Iron Knight said this morning he would do it again, and I’ve told I’m willing to try something I have a soft boundary about that he’s into
- Iron Knight tells me not to worry about cooking for him, he will eat at home before coming over
- Dad told me today he didn’t have the money to help me out with fixing my car after telling me the driver side rocker panel needs to be repaired in order to pass inspection since he’s already made plans to visit my sister soon
- he spent the night and we finished watching the second part of OA
Tuesday ~ July 02, 2019
Mood: -2 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 1 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 2A
Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 9am – 9 hour total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 600mg Ibuprofen @ 9am
- 1000mg Tylenol @ 9am
- 1 Benadryl tablet @ 9am
- 75mg Topamax @ 9am
- 10mg Propranolol @ 9am
- 1 multivitamin @ 9am
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
- 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm
Meals
- 2.5 cups of coffee
- 1 fresh pear
Today’s Feelings
- aggravated
Notes
- woke up with a migraine, Iron Knight called for a ride home
- Dad came home this morning with my brother to tell my mom that he bought my brother a $100 TV
- Mom was a bit annoyed, but he told her that my brother has done much for them already (after he has bitched so much the past week or so about how he hasn’t been around to help with the floor – I mean to the point that he called my brother to threaten that if he didn’t help out that he wouldn’t babysit for him anymore)
- so yeah, I’m a bit more than put off by this since my car needs more than just the rocker panel fixed and Dad goes and buys a frivolous thing like this for my brother after he tells me he has no fucking money
- Mom was a bit annoyed, but he told her that my brother has done much for them already (after he has bitched so much the past week or so about how he hasn’t been around to help with the floor – I mean to the point that he called my brother to threaten that if he didn’t help out that he wouldn’t babysit for him anymore)
- Iron Knight says he won’t be coming over tonight
- needs to work on his car if he can
- says I need to rest if I can
- he still hasn’t gone in to get tested for diabetes
- it still bothers me that he smelled the way he did a few times now
- especially since his mother recently told me she has diabetes
- it still bothers me that he smelled the way he did a few times now
- Mom told Dad I was upset about the TV
- I guess she heard me say something about it to Iron Knight
- Dad asked me if I wanted him to buy me a TV
- I told him no, I don’t need a new TV but I do need my car fixed to pass inspection
- he told me he bought the TV for my brother because of all the stuff he does for them and their TV is going to shit
- I told him I wasn’t upset but I am frustrated because he told me yesterday that he had no money to help me fix my car
- he then told me to get my car taken in and find out what all needs to be done to get it to pass and he would see what he could do
- what really bothers me about all of this isn’t just that my mother is eavesdropping on private conversations, but she waited for Dad to visit her at work to tell him what I had said
- she knew her eavesdropping would come to light from this and she didn’t want to be home for that
- I did tell Dad I hadn’t said anything to her, but I didn’t tell him I said anything to Iron Knight
- in the past a big fight would have been the result from something like this, but Dad and I worked it out
- I was upfront with how I felt and Dad didn’t get angry
- he honestly seemed to think it was fair that I felt frustrated by it
- I was upfront with how I felt and Dad didn’t get angry
- she knew her eavesdropping would come to light from this and she didn’t want to be home for that
- I told him no, I don’t need a new TV but I do need my car fixed to pass inspection
Wednesday ~ July 03, 2019
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 3:30am, up at 9:30am – 6 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 75mg Topamax @ 10am
- 10mg Propranolol @ 10am
- 1 multivitamin @ 10am
- refilled vape pen (blue raspberry 35mg) @ ?pm
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
- 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm
- set vape pen to recharge @ 11:30pm
Meals
- 2.5 cups of coffee
- sub sandwich with a snack sized bag of organic Doritos (MSG free! I haven’t had Doritos in ages)
Today’s Feelings
- content
Notes
- filled med box
- spent most of the day working on a server map in Minecraft
- Little Bear was very cooperative during his OT today
- Iron Knight came over to spend the night
- we got things ready for the BBQ party tomorrow
- had to buy a life jacket for Little Bear and bathing suits for the boys and I
- despite him having a very stressful day and it being really hot, he surprised me with a very pleasant and sexy evening together – it was really nice
- we got things ready for the BBQ party tomorrow
Thursday ~ July 04, 2019
Mood: -1 ~ Energy: 0 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 3 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 6am – 6 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 75mg Topamax @ 7am
- 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
- 1 multivitamin @ 7am
- refilled vape pen (blue raspberry 35mg) @ 7:30am
- had to change the filter, which meant emptying it and taking the pen apart
- 600mg Ibuprofen @ 9am
- refilled vape pen (blue raspberry 35mg) @ 12pm
- 600mg Ibuprofen @ 4pm
- 1000mg Tylenol @ ?pm
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
- 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm
Meals
- 2 cups of coffee
- 3 16oz. thermos of coffee
- 1 burger, 2 helpings of pasta salad
Today’s Feelings
- peaceful in AM
- mindful, but stressed
Notes
- the day was okay, went to an old friend’s house for Independence Day
- this old friend grew up with my brothers, Piggy, and Iron Knight mostly
- yes, I knew him and hung out with him too
- and it’s his wife that Iron Knight made a big deal out of, so combined that with my anxiety over anyone new meeting Little Bear for the first time and I was on the verge of vomiting before I even got there
- by mid-day, Iron Knight’s anxiety had me in near tears until we had a conversation about it
- I see his and my immediate response is to do all I can to alleviate it, which raises mine when I feel like it’s not good enough
- by mid-day, Iron Knight’s anxiety had me in near tears until we had a conversation about it
- and Little Bear was… himself
- as usual, he had difficulty integrating with the other children there
- he felt like no one wanted to play with him
- at least he kept the swearing to the barest minimum
- really, there was only two or three times in the entire day
- he didn’t completely meltdown at any point
- there was some impulse control issues going on but nothing extreme, frightening, or life threatening – which is a relief
- and for the first time in any social gathering I have ever brought Little Bear to, no one wanted to speak to me directly about his behavior
- they all spoke to Iron Knight instead
- which made me feel invisible
- he tried to blow it off like it was no big deal
- maybe I am too sensitive about this, since I do know that some parents don’t take kindly to this sort of thing
- but seriously, if my child is entering your home to go to the bathroom dripping wet on your carpet from the pool when he’s been told not to do that, I want to know this from you, not from someone else
- maybe I am too sensitive about this, since I do know that some parents don’t take kindly to this sort of thing
- they all spoke to Iron Knight instead
- as usual, he had difficulty integrating with the other children there
- Little Bear passed out during the fireworks in town, but Scholar Owl was ready to go home by 4pm, and Tuxedo Cat really enjoyed himself the entire day
- Iron Knight and I watched the first two episodes of Stranger Things after we got home before calling it a night
- this old friend grew up with my brothers, Piggy, and Iron Knight mostly
- I just filled my tank yesterday, and all that driving around today burned up half a tank – I can’t keep up with this
Friday ~ July 05, 2019
Mood: -1 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at midnight, up at 10am – 10 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- AM meds missed
- PM meds forgotten
Meals
- 3 cups of coffee
- popcorn
Today’s Feelings
- I don’t know, other than tired and drained
Notes
- Iron Knight invited me to the first night of the Egg Festival next week, but that’s when my ex-husband is supposed to arrive for his week long visit
- drove Iron Knight to work and then I’ll be picking him up later to take him home so he can be with his daughter for this weekend
- he gave me gas money at least and said he’d do whatever repairs he could on my car to save me on labor costs
- the question is, when are we going to have the time to get it done between both our schedules?
- he has his own car to get fixed too
- he said yet again that the boys and I could come over and visit while he has his daughter, but the idea of it somehow makes me feel like I’m invading
- partly because of how often he mentions needing space, but then doesn’t take the time to get it – maybe I don’t know what he really means when he says this?
- maybe I’m the one in need of space, have gotten used to the rhythm of scheduling, and adjusted accordingly?
- perhaps it’s both of these things?
- he gave me gas money at least and said he’d do whatever repairs he could on my car to save me on labor costs
- it was 91 degrees upstairs all day – even with the windows open and the fans on
- my desktop shutdown a few times on me due to the heat
- Little Bear at least had a good day
Saturday ~ July 06, 2019
Mood: 0 ~ Energy: -1 ~ Irritation: 0 ~ Anxiety: 0 ~ Migraine: 0
Hours of Sleep: bed at 10pm (I think), up and 6am – 8 hours total
Sleep Quality: 0
Exercise Activity: ~ Exercise Time:
Meds Taken
- 75mg Topamax @ 7am
- 10mg Propranolol @ 7am
- 1 multivitamin @ 7am
- 600mg Ibuprofen @ 5pm
- 75mg Topamax @ 7pm
- 10mg Propranolol @ 7pm
- refilled vape pen (blue raspberry 35mg) @ 9pm
- set vape pen to recharge @ 9pm
Meals
- 3 cups of coffee
- 2 hot dogs on buns, 2 peanut butter on buns, 1 bun
Today’s Feelings
- content
Notes
- woke up tired for some reason
- is it because of the heat? was 80 degrees upstairs when I woke up
- worked on the Minecraft server map in 1.14 today
- thundershowers this afternoon
- we lost power for part of the day
- went over to Iron Knight’s house with the boys for dinner
- watched Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse again since the the two older boys and his daughter hadn’t seen it
- Little Bear and Princess clashed at first, as usual since they both like to be the boss (lol), but then they found their stride and started playing together – very loudly (the movie forgotten completely)